The pieces fall off one by one
by sadclown18
Summary: Who is Lexi Newman and what secrets are hidden behind her sweet sad smile? PLEASE READ AND RESPOND! Please! I know the summary sucks but I think you'll like it. Original cast plus newbies. Adding new chapters!
1. Chapter 1

"I'm gonna miss you."

"I know, I'm gonna miss you too Phee," Lexi had always felt safe with Phee and now she was going to be gone. Noticing the tears in the rearview mirror, Phee couldn't help but cry too. "Now stop that this is going to be good for you and you know how hard I had to work to get you in here instead of that awful place your mother wanted. No crying," her tone had gone from playful to slightly somber as she noticed the sign that read "Mount. Horizon 1 mile ahead."

"Come on sweetie were almost there and you'd hate for them to know you were crying," Phee had always known how to make Lexi feel better and she noticed that as soon as she had finished speaking Lexi had dried her eyes.

As they emerged from the car they spotted two people walking towards them. One was tall and had beautiful broad shoulders with hair the color of dirt. The other was a shorter blonde woman with muscles that somehow made her look rugged but in no way butch. As they approached a sense of safety radiated off of them, putting Phee who was always a little tense when it came to Lexi at ease.

"Hello I'm Peter Scarborough and this is Sophie Becker," Peter had the oddest look about him, like he actually wanted to be there, it baffled Lexi completely. "Hello like Peter said I'm Sophie and I'll be your counselor here at Horizon," Sophie seemed to want to be there as well, Lexi just didn't understand it but kept her mouth shut. Peter broke the awkward silence that was quickly forming around the introductions, "You must be Alexis and you are Mrs. Harper?" Phee wasn't even fazed by being addressed as such after years of ballet recitals and school functions. With a smile on her face Phee corrected him, "Well this is Lexi yes but I'm not her mother even if I act like it," Phee said with a big smile on her face," my name is Phee McMillan and Mrs. Harper would like me to apologize for both Mrs. and Mr. Harper's absence, they both seemed to have had affairs pop up at the last minute." Peter seemed slightly taken back by this, in all his time at Horizon this wass the first time an assistant had brought a student instead of the police, their parents, or Rodger. "Well we have all of Lexi's paper work so if you want to say goodbye we can get Lexi searched and settled in," Peter said still amazed that neither parent had come to see their daughter off.

As Lexi turned to say goodbye to her surrogate mother, she saw Phee's eyes swell with tears. "It's ok Phee I'll write you at least once a week and I'll see you again on parents day," at that both began to laugh and after a long hug Phee got in the car and drove back towards the real world.

"So Lexi, Sophie here is going to take you to the infirmary to get your physical and then you and I are going to meet and after that I'll introduce you to your group, alright?" Peter expected the typical sigh or snide remark he got from all newbies but all he got was an unexpected, "That would be really great thank you very much." Both Sophie and Peter found it odd to have such a polite newbie, there was something strange about her they could both feel it but couldn't put their fingers on it.

Before she knew it Lexi was standing in front of the nurse who hadn't even noticed she was in the room yet. This gave Lexi enough time to think of an excuse for the marks the nurse was going to find, the last thing Lexi wanted to do was lie but the last thing she could afford to do was tell the truth. The nurse looked disheveled and slightly sleep deprived as she finally looked up and saw Lexi and Sophie standing in the door way. "Hey Sophie is this the new admit?" the nurse had a curious look on her face as though she didn't think Lexi belonged there. "Yep, Lexi I would like to introduce you to Nurse Margret," to Lexi Sophie's voice was almost as comfortable as having Phee with her. "It's very nice to meet you I'm Lexi Newman," Lexi said with a sort of sweet yet edgy voice she had grown into over the years. "It's very nice to meet you as well. Now don't be afraid I'm just going to ask you some questions, get your height, weight, and do a body search," noticing the twinge of fear in Lexi's face nurse Margret continued with, "Lexi is there anything I'm going to find during the body search you'd like to tell me about, I read your record and it says you have a history of self harm." Lexi was in shock, she knew that the nurse would find them but she didn't know how straight forward they were here. Luckily her school records gave her a nice cover story and so she followed their lead, "yes m'am, a few scars and open wounds," Nurse Margret found her confession a little too easy and proceeded with caution, "Now sweetie you can call me Nurse Margret, and if you don't mind I'd like to start with the body search first. Now if you'd like to we can have Sophie leave the room or stay either one is fine." "Is it alright if Sophie stays?" Lexi liked having Sophie there she felt oddly comfortable around her. "yeah sugar that's fine just step behind that curtain for a second and remove everything but your undergarments," as Lexi stepped behind the curtain the nurse had the strangest feeling_ usually they put up more __of a fight than this_, with the night she'd had however she didn't put too much thought in it, "you ready Lexi?" As Lexi stepped out from behind the thick curtain she noticed a definite look of shock on the faces of both Sophie and Nurse Margret a feeling of shame came over her and she'd wish she could jump out of her skin. Without even taking her weight Sophie could tell that she had an eating problem if not a full blown disorder. It seemed as though every rib on her was exposed not to mention her spine and hip bones. Lexi's thin frame had almost distracted Nurse Margret from the marks all over her skin. "Sweet heart can we have your clothes for a second? We just need to do a routine pocket turn out," As Lexi handed her a pile of clothes Sophie began to notice that there were only a few marks on Lexi's arms in comparison to at least a hundred every when else. "Can you tell me how these got here?" said the nurse motioning to different open wounds all over her body. "I cut myself and burned myself," Lexi said lying through her teeth, fortunately for Lexi she was a phenomenal liar, she could tell they ate up her story. "Can you tell me why?" Lexi looked to Sophie for help but Sophie looked as if she wanted to know as badly as Nurse Margret so Lexi lied again with, "nope sorry." After her pockets turned up nothing and she had gone through a series of health questions and an official weighing at which Lexi looked as though she might cry, mainly because the nurse weighed her backwards, Sophie took her to meet Peter. Lexi noticed how beautiful the campus was and felt as long as they didn't ask nosy questions she was going to like it out in nature.

As they opened the door to what looked like a large closet with only one window, Lexi noticed Peter reading what appeared to be her file, and she wondered what it said in there. She bet it said she was a runner, so not true, she knew it said she was a cutter, total lie, it probably said she did coke, truth, and that she was a coke dealer, also the truth but what else did it say? She couldn't stand not knowing. "Peter I need to get back the Cliffhangers have group in five minutes," Sophie said getting Peter's attention, "thanks Soph, come sit down Lexi I promise I won't bite." Before leaving Sophie handed off the nurse's report, Lexi could only guess what the nurse put. Peter grabbed her first bag and started going through every pocket, every item of clothing, everything that was private, "now Lexi Horizon is a sanctuary, free from the distractions of the out side world so you can work on the things in your life that brought you here. Horizon is also a school and you are expected to go to every class and participate in quests and group therapy along with individual counseling sessions. Any questions so far?" shaking her head no Peter continued on moving from her clothes to toiletries bag. "Ok, we do have some other rules here there are no drugs or alcohol, no inappropriate touching or language, no threats of any kind, we expect you to help with the cooking and cleaning and to keep your personal stuff along with yourself clean. We wouldn't ask you to do anything we wouldn't do ourselves Lexi, do you understand?" shaking her head mildly Lexi muttered a soft, "Yes sir," making Peter slightly uncomfortable, "another thing no more sir and m'am all the staff go by their first name here so call me Peter," as he smiled she felt a safety net fall over her and she knew that no matter what kind of questions they asked she was going to like it there. "You're the first person in awhile to bring musical instruments with them. Can you de-string your guitar for me and maybe tell me why you think you were sent here?" As much as she hated unstringing her guitar she obliged as he checked the case. "I think I'm here because I got busted selling coke at school and since my mother is friends with the judge they assigned it didn't go on my record as long as I got help to 'turn my life around'. I'm also here because Phee thought this place would work better than some juvenile hall." Passing the guitar to him Peter picked up the other half of the conversation,

"Do you regret selling coke?"

"No, I did what I had to do to survive."

"Do you regret getting caught?"

"No, not even a little bit."

Her last answer struck Peter as odd. Even if he didn't show it Peter was riddle with confusion over Lexi's attitude, her appearance, her respect for adults, and her record for some reason, it just didn't all add up. What was she hiding? From what he could tell she came from a stable family, she did seem to have absent parents but what did she have to survive?

"Your school record says you miss a lot of school, it also says that you turn in all your assignments either onetime or early, and that you have a 3.9 grade point average, can you tell me about that?" that was one of the things that just didn't add up for Peter, why would a drug addict who ran so often bother to turn in assignments or try for such a high G.P.A.?

"I get sick sometimes and can't go to school I usually ask for all my work at the beginning of the month and then take three days per subject and get it all in," she could tell Peter knew she was lying about getting sick but he would never believe her if she told him the truth, lying was way easier. He continued searching her shoe box of letters and pictures then moved on to her violin case.

"That's very responsible of you Lexi. Can you tell me what else has been going on when I talked to your mother she'd said you'd been quiet and distant lately she blamed it all on the coke, and when I talked to your step-father he said you were just being a teen and that you'd grow out of it."

She could tell he was trying to get her to confide in him, too bad she wasn't allowed, he seemed nice enough.

"Well I guess the drugs have had something to do with it but to be honest I wouldn't ask my mother about my behavior she's always at work and when she's not at work she's passed out from all the sleep aids she mixes in with her wine," it was the first note of resentment Peter had noticed in her voice all day, "As for my step father I guess he just wants to give me a scapegoat being a teen and all but I can't take one." Peter took this small opening as her invitation for deep conversation.

"Why can't you take the scapegoat Lexi? I mean a lot of people would."

"I don't know, most likely because I know what I did was wrong and I should be held accountable for it. That's why I'm mad my mother had that little conversation with the judge I deserve to be punished."

Something about Lexi was troubling Peter he just couldn't figure out if she was just oddly mature and responsible or if she wanted and felt she deserved to be condemned. He didn't want to push the subject anymore, afraid that she might close up, so he moved on.

"So I take it you and your mother aren't close?"

"No"

"What about you and your step-father?"

She knew he was flirting with disaster without even realizing, "I guess so."

Peter noticed something odd about the way her voice sounded when she mentioned her step-father almost as If she were afraid. Finishing the search of her violin and case Peter headed for the nurse's report.

"Can you tell me how tall you are Lexi?"

She knew exactly where he was going with this. "I'm about 5' 6 1/2 ''."

"And how much do you think you weigh right now?"

"I believe I weigh 112lbs, why?"

"Well when Nurse Margret weighted you, you weighted in at about 100 lbs even, do you realize that that's very low for your height and age, Lexi?"

"Maybe a little low," she said in her best innocent voice even though inside she was pleased at her weight.

"Now I see in your school report that the school therapist diagnosed you with Anorexia nervosa, and because of that diagnosis and your current weight we need you to keep a food journal and we except you to be honest about your calorie intake, also until you get your weight up your exercise outside of group will be monitored closely. We are here to help you but we can't help you if you lie to us does that make sense?"

"Yep," she felt as though she dodge a bullet. Yeah it sucked having her exercise monitored but she would live at least he hadn't asked anything about the cuts or burns. Just as she finished that thought Peter continued, "You also have a history or self-injury I see and the nurse's report confirms over a hundred wounds on your body including what appears to be stab wounds would you like to tell me anything about that?" she definitely did not want to talk about that not even a little bit, not even at all,

"No."

"Are you sure? Because if someone is hurting you in anyway back home we can help you."

"No one is hurting me, and I don't want to talk about it," Lexi said quickly shifting her eyes from Peter to the table.

"Well, maybe someday you will and I'll be here for you when you want to talk about any of this. Which reminds me of another one of our rules, anything you tell me or any other counselor stays between us unless we feel you might harm yourself or others alright?"

"Yep"

"Ok let's get you settled in then."

As they walked to the cabin she noticed how calm everything seemed to be. The students sat at tables outside doing home work, some chopped wood, while some played sports. Lexi had never felt more comfortable in her entire life.

"Now the group you've been assigned to is the Cliffhangers. You do everything with your group including meals, study periods, quests, and group therapy," Peter could tell she was distracted by something but continued anyway, "I've got some things I need to do so I'm going to introduce you to the Cliffhanger girls, let you get unpacked and then be back later, ok Lexi?" She was so quiet and Peter could tell she was hiding something he just hoped she would break out of her shell soon, he had seen lots of kids try to hide their pain, he wondered what pain she hid underneath her smile. "Thank you Peter, for being so understanding and not trying to push me," she was definitely good at hiding things he could tell things ran deeper than just an absent mother. "It's not a problem, I want you to understand that we aren't here to judge or hurt you we're here to help you and we can't help you if we've pushed you away," he knew it would take time to get inside her head.

"I'm kind of nervous what if they don't like me?" Lexi said as they stood outside the Cliffhangers dorm, "Just be yourself, these girls are very understanding, just don't play games and you should be fine," he wondered if it was wrong not to warn her about Shelby.

"Is everyone descent?"

"Yes"

"Ok, everyone this is our newest Cliffhanger, Lexi and I except you guys to show her what's what," the four girls shook their heads in unison as Peter showed Lexi to her bed.

"Now Juliette, I'm assigning you as Lexi's first day buddy, you up for it?" Peter said to the thin brunette in the corner, Lexi wondered if she was an anorexic as well.

"Yep, I can totally do it," said Juliette in a tone so chipper it made Lexi's head hurt.

"Oh and Juliette I'm gonna need you to show Lexi how to write in her food journal." Lexi automatically went red as the blond gave a large unfriendly smirk at the mention of the food journal.

"No problem."

"Good, then Lexi I'll check in on you later, bye ladies."

What was she going to do they were all staring at her. As Peter left, Lexi felt as If she were going to faint. Luckily the brunette spoke again before she had a chance to pass out. "Hi I'm Juliette, welcome to Horizon," Lexi was taken back by how friendly she was.

"I'm Lexi," she was hoping to be left alone after that but the blonde jumped right in with the questions.

"So what are you doing here you don't look like a screw up?" Lexi could tell that this girl was going to have a problem with her no matter what, so she took Peters advice and just tried to be herself, "Well I guess I'm here because I got caught selling coke to one of the math teachers at my school," that apparently impressed the blonde because when she continued she seemed to be more excited than snappy or rude.

"So did Peter get your stash?" Lexi wasn't quite sure what she meant what stash?

"Excuse me?"

"You know the coke you tried to sneak in; I mean you said you were a drug dealer right?"

Lexi definitely didn't know if she liked this girl or not, "I guess you'd call me a drug dealer," Lexi said filling with pride, dealing drugs was one of the only things she thought she was good at, "I mean I was the best at my school, I was only a sophomore and I had the largest client-tell there. But no I didn't try to bring any with me; I dumped it all at de-tox three days ago."

The blonde couldn't understand her, a drug dealer who dumped her drugs, "that's weird."

"I guess," Lexi was still curious to learn the rest of her group members' names, luckily the black girl in the corner was the next to speak up and took care of the rest of the introductions. "Shelby how about you lay off her alright she's brand new, sorry Lexi Shelby has a tendency to forget her manners." Lexi was so thankful she had stopped Shelby from asking anymore questions.

"By the way I'm Kat, and the one next to Shelby is Daisy," Kat said pointing to what appeared to be a Goth girl in the corner.

"It's really nice to meet all of you."

"It's really nice to meet all of you? Give me a break, I know underneath all that 'sugar and spice and everything nice' is an angry freak just like the rest of us, so cut the crap," Shelby didn't know what it was but there was something about Lexi that hit close to home, something in her emerald eyes that just made Shelby feel connected, which was something she hated to do.

"Shelby seriously lay off it's her first day," Lexi was thankful to Daisy even though the stuff around her bed was a little creepy, she was glad she was there, something about Shelby made Lexi totally uncomfortable.

"Yeah why do you have to be so mean to everyone all the time?"Juliette spoke up knowing how to push Shelby's buttons.

"I don't know Queenie it's just when I meet others of your kind it makes me a little sick," Shelby knew how to hurt Juliette even if she wouldn't admit she was hurt.

"What do you mean others of 'her' kind?' Lexi didn't take kindly to being made fun of for no reason and Shelby was obviously making fun of her.

Not used to being called out like that Shelby had to think about her sarcastic response for a second before answering, "Well both of you come from money, don't think I didn't see that sports car drop you off, and from what I can tell you both need your daily barf."

"I see well first off you don't know crap about me. I might be an anorexic but you don't know why, and I may come from money but that doesn't mean I have any or if I even like it so how about you save the judgments for when you actually get to know me," Lexi was shocked by her own anger she had never gone off on anyone like that before she usually just kept it inside.

"Both of you cut it out this is a rest period so how about we let Lexi unpack her things, in peace Shelby," Lexi knew Kat had to have been the mom of the group.

Half way through unpacking her shoe box she noticed someone standing over her shoulder, when she turned around she found Daisy looking at the bulletin board above her bed.

"Who's that in the picture with you?" Daisy seemed generally interested so Lexi pulled the picture on her desk close to her heart "This is my dad," Lexi tried so hard not to cry as she caressed his face, "and the guy with the bitter woman in red over there is my step-dad, and the guy in the picture with the lake is my best friend Trent, he actually goes to one of these wilderness schools now, got sent up about a month ago."

A large smile grew on several of the girls faces but Lexi didn't notice she was too busy flipping through photos deciding which ones to hang up.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Juliette chimed in sounding like a gossiping school girl. "Nope, but we've been best friends since second grade, to be honest it's kind of my fault he's there," this last statement intrigued Kat who had been sitting silently near by. "How is it your fault?" Lexi didn't mind answering her question as long as Shelby didn't start in again. "Well, he bought a lot of coke from me one night and accidentally over dosed. When he got out of the hospital his parents sent him to some wilderness school I can't remember the name of it," at that all the girls started to giggle, Lexi couldn't see what was so funny and started working on putting her clothes away. As Lexi began folding her clothes Shelby eyed her she didn't look like any newbie she had ever seen before. For starters she wore clean clothes, and her hair was a beautiful dark purple that came bone straight to the middle of her back. There was just something about the new girls eyes that looked so familiar Shelby just couldn't tell where from. She could tell it had been a mistake to attack her in the first five minutes she had been there but Shelby had never been very good with apologizing. She could tell the girl had a problem with food maybe like Juliette, but she didn't want her to think that was the reason she had been so rude to her. Shelby sat watching Lexi wondering what she should do.

"Is he mad at you?" Juliette was the kind of girl who loved to be in everyone's business Lexi could just tell.

"Nope, he writes me every week, I hope Phee will forward his letter here," Lexi knew that if she couldn't talk to Trent she would crack and she couldn't have any of that.

"Who's Phee?" Lexi wasn't really in the mood for anymore questions but since there was nothing else to do but answer Juliette's questions.

"Phee is my mother's personal assistant; she's kind of like my mom. I mean I see her more than my mom and she's been to all my school functions since I was ten years old. She's the one that dropped me off today." Lexi felt embarrassed, she had never talked about Phee to anyone her age before.

"Oh, well what does Trent write you about?" at Juliette's questions all the girls stopped what they were doing and started to stare.

"Well we mostly talk about how he's doing up there. He asks how I'm doing if I've stopped selling yet, if I'm clean yet. He talks about his roommates and his group they all sound really nice." Lexi hadn't realized how much she missed Trent until that very moment.

"He sound like a great guy is he cute, what are his roommates like?" Juliette started to sound super nosy but at least she was friendly.

"Trent is such a sweet heart and I guess he's cute, he has the most beautiful hazel eyes," Lexi stopped she didn't want the girls to get the wrong idea of her and Trent.

"One of his roommates is a nerd I think his name is Ezra, Trent says he's cool just a little awkward. Hold on a sec I have the letter right here… one is a jock but not a jerk like we had in school he's really mellow, his name is Scott. The last one is Auggie he apparently looks like a total 'Bario boy' but is like super fair and level headed. I don't know he said his group is really cool that there are four girls but he doesn't really talk about them." Lexi noticed everyone giggling but didn't really care; she had been laughed at for worse.

After Lexi had finished packing all she wanted to do was lay down and sleep of course Juliette couldn't have that.

"Hey Lexi it's almost lunchtime do you want me to help you with your food journal?"

"Sure," Lexi said going a little red, "can I ask you a question though?"

"Yeah what is it?"

"Are you really like me an anorexic I mean?"

"Nope not exactly, I'm a bulimic you know binge and purge queen. I got landed here after messing myself up on laxatives, twice." Even if she wasn't exactly the same Lexi was glad to have someone like her around.

On the way to lunch Lexi could tell the girls were acting strange but she couldn't tell what was so funny. "Did I miss the punch-line?" Lexi was determined why they were laughing, she felt like it was something she had done. "No, we just need to meet the rest of the group for lunch." Juliette had thrown her off with that statement, "Wait there are more in our group?" "Yeah we have four boys in our group as well," oh great now only did she have to impress these girls but now Lexi had four guys to impress as well. The thought of having to meet more people made Lexi's spirits sink a little. As the others walked ahead of her giggling about what she still didn't know Lexi trailed behind a little with her head down. "Lexi?" _what was that? _Lexi thought, her head shot up but she couldn't see who was calling her the voice sounded so familiar but she couldn't see anyone. "Lexi!!!" that time she pushed passed her group to see four boys standing directly opposite of her. The boy in the middle started to run towards her when she finally recognized who the shouter was, "Trent! Oh my God what are you doing here?"

"I should be the one asking you what you're doing here." After a long hug she finally regained her composure and the whole group headed in for lunch. The introductions hadn't taken long seeing as Lexi already knew the other boys names. They looked exactly as Trent had described them, "So you're the famous Lexi? You know this dude hasn't shut up about you since he got here," Trent started to blush as Scott told Lexi how much Trent had missed her.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not own higher ground i have however used or referenced to certain episodes throughout the rest of my fanfic as a basic story guideline.

She had done it. She had survived her first week without spilling her guts; she had gone almost unnoticed by everyone. It had been so hard to keep her mouth shut with Trent there. Something about that boy made her want to confess everything, something about him made her want redemption for her sins.

"Lexi, Peter wants to see you in his office after breakfast," Auggie said setting down his tray at the Cliffhangers' table. Lexi couldn't tell if it was the message or what was on Auggie's plate that made her sicker, so she finished moving the food around on her plate and headed for Peter's office. Lexi got the feeling that Peter was on to her that some how he knew about her early morning jogs and how she hid food. She wanted to do what they wanted but at the same time food was her only outlet she didn't know any other way to control her world.

Lost in thought Lexi found her self outside of Peter's office in no time facing what she thought was her doom.

"Lexi, I was wondering if we could have a chat," Peter had been up for hours thinking of Lexi. Things about her just didn't add up, he had seen her talk openly about her drug use in group but when someone like Juliette brought up self-mutilation she detached her-self as if her scars weren't her own. It was hard for him to hear the things he had and not know how to help. It felt unnatural to him not to know what to do. On one hand Peter was proud of her, she had one of the best attitudes he'd seen in a newbie in a long time yet on the other hand he could tell she was in pain and he needed her to tell him the truth.

This was it Lexi thought, she was going to be kicked out or put on shuns; the thought of either terrified her. In one short week Horizon had become the home she had been waiting for, for seven years. As they sat down across from each other an increasing sense of panic came over Lexi.

"Lexi I wanted to tell you how proud Sophie and I are of you. We've never seen any newbie take to Horizon so quickly, you've have a great attitude and a terrific work ethic." Peter knew he was on thin ice and would need to play his hand carefully or else she would clam up.

"Thanks?" Lexi stuttered, proud was the last thing she thought he would say.

"You sound surprised, people at home don't tell you their proud of you when you do something right?" He knew he had to be cautious it seemed that every time someone brought up her home Lexi changed the subject rather abruptly. He couldn't tell if something was going on there or if it was that her parents were absent.

Lexi wasn't sure if she could trust him and thoughts were racing in every direction. Was she safe here? How much could she say? How much trouble would she be in?

"Not really, I don't usually do things right, there's usually no reason to be proud of me." Noticing the sudden shift in Peter's body language she knew she had said too much and quickly shifted her eyes to the floor as if by not looking at him he wasn't there.

"Why do you feel that way Lexi?" Peter knew she was trying to hide but he just couldn't let her, she needed to talk not with her skin or with food but with a voice of her own.

After realizing that willing Peter away wasn't going to work Lexi went back to the only thing she knew she was good at, "I don't know, why." They could both tell she was lying but Peter didn't want to push her about this he had more things he needed to ask her.

"That isn't really an answer Lexi, but we can talk about this more later." Something in his voice told Lexi she wasn't going to like where their conversation was heading as she brought her knees up to her chest she at least moved her gaze from the floor back to Peter's general direction. "Now Lexi I am very proud of what you've done in the one week you've been here and though I was unsure of keeping you in the same group as Trent I see that both of you have opened up a lot more now that you're together again, and that's good." She could feel a but coming on, "But I'm worried about you and some of your group members are as well." Crap! She knew it was going to be about her weight she just knew it! "Lexi where do you go when you sleep?" was this a joke? Lexi was sure it had to be but something in Peter's face told her otherwise. "No where why?" she could of sworn she was gonna get busted for food and now he's talking about her dreams she couldn't tell where he was going with this. Why did he want to know about her nightmares?

"Alright then, can you tell me about 'the cage'?" at his last words she felt a stabbing sensation in her stomach. How did he know about the cage? She knew that she had to play it completely cool and lie through her teeth. "I don't know what you're talking about," something in the way she looked from his face to the window gave her away.

"Are you sure because you've been screaming about it in your sleep for the past three days," as her pupils dilated at the news Peter knew the only way to get her to speak was to make her feel safe. "Now Lexi if something's going on this is a good place to talk about it, no one here is going to judge you."

Lexi knew that the last thing she could do was talk about 'it', she was so ashamed and angry at her self, how could she have let that slip? All she could think about was how horribly wrong this meeting had gone. She had to think of something quick or else everything would fall apart. "There's nothing to talk about I've been having strange dreams lately about being a caged monkey at the zoo."

Peter knew she was lying but was too afraid to lose her to push the conversation any further. Whatever 'the cage' was was going to have to wait until another time.

"Ok but I want you to remember that my door is always open, if you ever need to talk."

She could finally breathe again feeling that the conversation was coming to a close, "thanks Peter. Is it alright if I go now? I've got lots of homework plus Sophie is taking us on a day hike this afternoon."

"Sure but before you go I want to give you an assignment."

It was Saturday how could he be giving her homework on Saturday? The last thing she wanted was more homework.

"Will I be graded?"

"This assignment isn't about grades, it's about helping you express yourself with words instead of cuts and burns or restricting and purging."

She knew he would never understand but at the same time no one had ever cared this much about Lexi before except Trent. She wasn't sure why but for some reason it felt as if Peter was actually trying to help her not 'cure' her like her teachers or her mother.

"What do you want me to do?"

Peter hadn't really gotten that far in thinking up the assignment. What did he want from her? What did he want to teach her about her self? It wasn't until he saw the five stab wounds barely showing over her shirt below her collar bone that he knew.

"I want you to write a poem."

"What?!?!?"

"Yep a poem about your vices and your dreams; it can be as long as you want it to be but I want it to be something that really means something to you."

Lexi felt absolutely defeated at that point and gave in to his demands. "When is it due?"

"I want you to have it ready by tomorrow evenings group, and if you feel comfortable maybe you can read it. It might help the other Cliffhangers know where you're coming from."

"Can I leave now?"

"Go on, but don't forget about what we talked about today."

"Have a good day," Lexi said in a sad little voice.

"Thanks Lexi I'll see you later."

As Lexi left his office she found herself secretly excited about this assignment even if she would never admit it.

As she stepped into the fresh mountain air Lexi suddenly felt great about life. It was as if Peter's office was some distant memory and his nagging and prodding were merely a bad dream. Something about the mountains agreed with Lexi.

To make this new anti-Peter's office day better Trent was out and about,

"What's shaking carrot-cake?"

"Nothing much sweet-potato," Lexi laughed at the nicknames they had given each other when they were six, she loved it when he called her carrot-cake no matter how many calories it had in it.

"So how was your first trip to Peter's office?"

She knew she had to be careful now, because something in Trent's beautifully disturbing hazel eyes made Lexi's knees melt. "It was nothing special," she hoped she had thrown him off her trail completely.

"Nice try, I know you way better than that and I know Peter wouldn't have called you into his office for nothing. Come on don't make me use the puppy dog face cause I will."

If there was one thing in the world she couldn't stand up to it was Trent's famous puppy dog face, when it came to it vs her that face one every single time. "Ouch! You went way below the belt on that one," Lexi said while trying to stifle her giggle.

"Ok. He said that he was proud of me. It was kind of weird you know?"

"With the way our families run yeah I almost died the first time he said it to me," He said with that goofy grin on his face that gave Lexi butterflies.

"I thought I was going to for sure. He asked about my dreams, apparently I've been screaming in my sleep," She wanted to test the waters see how much she could tell before the warning bells in her head went off.

"Actually you have, really loud in fact. I'm kind of worried about you I can hear the screams in my dorm," Trent said cautiously he didn't want to make her shut down which she had a habit of doing.

"Well your dorm is like right next to the girls' dorm so it's not that bad I mean if the Ridge Runners or Trackers could hear me then you would have a sound reason to worry." She knew it was bad but she had to joke it off or else she might break in two.

"I'm serious and I'm totally worried about you I have been for awhile. I know you haven't been eating Lex or sleeping I can't help but worry I care a lot you know," Lexi hated seeing boys cry and unfortunately for her Trent looked near tears.

"Maybe just being without coke for so long has scrambled me a little. Please don't worry so much you know food and I don't always get along and as for sleep I've just been having some bad dreams that's all," all she could do was hope that her lies comforted him even a little bit.

"I can help if you want, I don't know how but I want to maybe help you with food. I don't know be your at meals cheerleader or something?" Trent was trying desperately to find a way to help Lexi there was just something about her that made him feel ok in his own skin. When she was around he felt like he wanted to be better. Even when they were both up to their ears in drugs she always made him feel like he mattered even when she wasn't trying.

"I would like that, but it's kind of hard for me, it just stresses me out, I can't get fat or I'll die," realizing that she had said too much she found a nice piece of shade under the oak tree and brought her legs close to her chest, like she had done in Peter's office.

Sitting down beside her he felt close to tears again knowing that he couldn't help her if she didn't want him too. He finally understood how Peter must feel all the time.

"You're not fat. You've never been fat not even a little bit, not even at all," as he inched himself closer to her Shelby plopped herself down right in between the two of them.

"What's wrong bones? did those mean old calories from breakfast make your tummy full?" There was just something about Lexi that made it hard for Shelby not to attack even if she didn't want to.

"I've got to go Peter gave me this assignment… bye," it was the fastest either of them had seen Lexi move and that was saying a lot seeing as how Trent had known her since they were six.

"Was it something I said?"

Trent said nothing he simply gave her the most evil 'what do you think' look he could muster.

"Oh were you two having a moment? Sorry," even though she knew she was wrong she couldn't help but be a jerk it was all she knew, it was how she survived.

"I'm gonna go try and find her, see you on the hike Shelby."

While Trent went off in search of Lexi Shelby headed back to the dorm. She couldn't help but wonder why she felt so bad about being such an ass to Lexi, she never felt this way about the things she said to Juliette and weren't they kind of the same?

As she wandered into the Cliffhangers' dorm she noticed a lump of something under the covers on Lexi's bed.

Lexi just couldn't figure it out Shelby had been so horrible to her since she came to Horizon but for some reason she just couldn't hate her. She had too much on her plate to worry about hating Shelby even though she felt justified in doing so. What was she going to write about? How could she express her self without giving it all away? How was she going to… wait where was that knocking coming from?

"Lexi, your husband wants you," Daisy said in her usual sarcastic tone. Even if Daisy was sarcastic all the time Lexi felt way more comfortable with her than with Juliette or Shelby.

"Thanks but could you tell him I don't want to talk now?" Lexi knew the answer before she had even finished the question. "Never mind I'll tell him myself."

It seemed almost painful to get out from under the safety of her covers but she couldn't just ignore him, luckily the door was just around the corner from her bed. She knew it would be hard to tell him no when she saw his face smooshed against the screen but she needed to be tough she had too much on her mind. "Trent I need time to think right now can we just talk on the hike?"

The smile on his face sank but Trent always understood, "Yeah it's no problem I wanted to make sure you were ok, Shelby can be kind of harsh sometimes but she doesn't really mean anything by it," and then he smiled and whispered, "unless you Jules." He knew he had helped with her mood a little because as soon as he stepped back he could see a small smile grace her thin face.

"I'll catch you later?" His eyes hit hers like a ton of bricks.

"For sure," something in those eyes of his told her that she would always be his number one and she wished that her eyes could tell him the same some day.


	3. Chapter 3

Note to reader- Songs and poems in this story are in bold. Also in my HG universe Hannah has been gone for awhile and everyone is fine with Sophie.

"Hey sweet-potato?"

"Yeah Carrot-cake?"

"I'm sorry about yesterday, with running off on you and being cold on the hike and everything," Lexi had felt so bad about the way she treated Trent that she had cut an extra 200 calories out of her dinner the night before; she knew she had to make things right with him.

"It's ok, with tomorrow being what it is and all," Trent said in the sweetest voice Lexi had ever heard.

"I hate it so much it just hurts so bad, but you know my mom's rule on the subject," Lexi reminded Trent her mother had very specific rules.

"Lex if you haven't noticed your mom isn't here and neither is Greg, maybe for once you could talk about it, it might help," Trent could tell that he had definitely said the wrong thing.

The normal pale color on Lexi's face had gone an even whiter shade than Trent thought possible.

"Or not," he said quickly hoping the little bit of pink that was normally in her cheeks would return.

"What have they done to you, if any one knew about keeping secrets I thought it was you," Lexi snapped she had never been angry at Trent like this before and she didn't like it, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

Trent knew she was conflicted but he couldn't help but be hurt by her comment, "It's ok, I don't know what it is about this place but I'm less afraid here you know, something about the mountains I feel safe."

Lexi knew exactly what he was talking about she felt so safe there but she just couldn't tell, she couldn't tell him or anyone else. She just shook her head for him as they sat underneath their favorite tree.

They were both exhausted from the ropes course they had just finished a half an hour earlier.

"Are you still hurting yourself?" Lexi tried to whisper in the softest voice possible, even though no one was in listening distance.

"What, where did that come from?" Trent asked as he pulled the violin Lexi had brought out of its case.

"I'm just worried about you, kind of how you're always worried about me," Lexi knew it had been a bad idea to bring up Trent's self-harm because he got almost as fussy about that as she did about food or when Peter asked her questions she couldn't answer. She sat quietly tuning her guitar waiting for an answer.

"Are you still hurting yourself?" Crap! Lexi hoped he would have forgotten about that. The only thing she could do was lie, but how was she supposed to lie about something she knew little about?

"Not since I've been here, but it's really hard," she hoped that she had come across as believable, it sucked for Lexi that Trent was one of the few people who could tell when she was lying.

"How about you?" she could tell he was formulating a lie in his brain; he always sucked his bottom lip right before he tried to lie to her. "And no lies," she felt so hypocritical but knew it was of for his own good.

After giving her an 'I would never' look he shrugged and made sure no one else was around, "Lex they don't know about that here, I couldn't tell them," Lexi knew what shame looked like and at that moment it was covering Trent's face.

"What? How did they miss that? Didn't you have a physical?" She was completely thrown off. With the way they had searched her she would have thought they would have checked Trent as well.

"Well yeah I had a physical but they had no reason to do a body search. You're the only one who knows, but you can't tell if the guys knew they would think I'm some sort of freak." Lexi could tell that Trent was more ashamed of this than any of his other sins.

"I'm sure they won't, but if you don't want them to know than I won't tell, but I'm scared for you," Lexi had put down her guitar and looked him straight in the eyes, Trent looked away.

"Well I'm afraid you're gonna die from not eating," ouch Lexi knew they weren't going to get anywhere going back and forth like that so she threw up her hands in surrender, "This isn't over you know."

"I know but for now let's just play," Trent gave her his puppy dog face, "please."

Lexi melted into a big puddle and shook her head in agreement.

"What do you want to play?" It felt like an eternity since they had last played together and a thousand songs were running trough Trent's mind at once.

Lexi had one song in mind, since the anniversary was so close, "Can we play 'Daddy dearest'?"

Trent was not surprised Lexi could never talk about her father's death but neither her mother or step-father could never stop her from singing about it.

"I'd love to Carrot-cake,"

As Trent started the violin solo that opened the song the rest of the Cliffhangers came and sat down around them out of nowhere.

"I didn't know you could play Violin," Juliette said interrupting Trent's solo.

"Yeah, since I was five," Trent threw Lexi the largest smile making her go all pink in the face knowing she was supposed to finish the rest of the story.

"That's how Trent and I met actually, when I was six I started taking Violin lessons and Trent was in my class and then that fall we were in the same class in school."

"Yep we've kinda been together ever since," Trent said making himself blush.

Juliette couldn't help but get all mushy, "That is too cute, you two are like made for each other."

"Get a hold of yourself Queenie, your hopefulness is making me sick,"

"Don't be mad because no one loves you Shelby," Juliette said squeezing Scott's hand.

Lexi had heard Juliette say something about her and Scott dating but in all honesty Lexi had learned to tune Juliette out.

"Both of you can cut it out, we aren't like that were just friends," Lexi said wishing that that wasn't the case at all; sadly she knew all her and Trent could ever be were friends.

"Yeah," Trent said in a quiet voice wishing he could get up the nerve to tell Lexi how he felt about her.

"So what are you guys playing anyways?" Auggie always knew how to save a conversation and for that both Trent and Lexi were glad.

"We were actually practicing a song we wrote a few years ago, Lexi wrote the best Violin solo for me," Lexi went all red again, Trent always made her go red and she loved it and hated it at the same time.

"It's not that great but, Trent wrote a killer guitar part for the chorus and the rest was kinda a mix, we shared the work," Lexi didn't know how she felt performing their song in front of everyone but she knew someone would ask.

"Can we hear it?" Scott spoke up. If there were two things Scott loved they were Football and good music.

"Um," Trent threw a look Lexi's way. All Lexi could do was shrug, she knew she would have to share that day anyway with Peter's assignment and all.

"Sure"

Trent gave Lexi a shocked look and then started in with his violin solo again, all the Cliffhangers sat entranced by his music.

As Lexi started in with the guitar part she noticed Peter silently join the group.

**"This is 'Daddy dearest' written by… us.**

_**Lexi- Went back to school**____** it took awhile,**_

___**Trent- I was still numb,**_

___**Lexi- **__**The**__** teachers tried hard to smile,**_

___**Trent- but I had come undone,**_

___**Lexi- You took the best of me, I'm trying hard**____**just to breathe,**_

_____**Trent- **__**Cuz**__** I know that you won't,**_

_____**Both-**__** Daddy dearest, where do your loyalties lie, and daddy dearest, why did you say good bye and daddy dearest I'm trying not to cry, **_

_____**I'm trying to survive…alone.**_

_____**Trent- I was waiting **__**at**__** the willow tree,**_

_____**Lexi- weeping by the trunk,**_

_____**Trent- But you were nowhere to be seen,**_

_____**Lexi- and mommy was still drunk,**_

_____**Trent- you took the best of me, I'm trying hard not to scream,**_

_____**Lexi- **__**Cuz**__** mommy said, no**__**t**__** to,**_

_____**Both- Daddy deares**__**t, where do your loyalties lie**__**, and daddy dearest, why did you say goodbye, and daddy dearest I'm trying not to cry,**_

_____**I'm trying to survive**_**…**_**alone**_

___Lexi's guitar slowed as Trent replayed the opening violin solo._

_____**Lexi- Daddy come back, be as one, this silence is killing me, **__**now that your life is done.**_

_____**Lexi- **__**Dadd**__**y come back, I don't blame you, this silence is killing me, what should I do?**_

___A__s they both stopped playing__ Lexi whispered,_

_____**What should I do?**_

Lexi couldn't tell if it was good or bad that no one was saying anything.

"We've never played in front of anyone before," Trent said with a worried look on his face.

"Are you serious?" Ezra spoke up, Lexi couldn't tell if it was a you rock 'are you serious' or a you suck 'are you serious'.

"Deadly serious," Lexi had finally gotten the courage to speak up.

"It was haunting," Lexi couldn't tell if haunting was good or bad coming out of Daisy's mouth.

"Thank you?"

"Yeah it was amazing," Kat had the biggest smile on her face.

"Are you ok Jules?" Lexi had noticed what she thought were tears in Juliette's eyes.

"It was just so sad."

"Well we've led sad lives I guess," Trent said in a joking way, Lexi however was not laughing.

No one had seen Peter sit down but Lexi and she was afraid of the questions she knew he would ask.

"Who wrote the lyrics?" Peter asked from the back of the group.

"We both wrote the chorus together and then I wrote the second half and Lexi wrote the first," Trent said noticing the fear in Lexi's eyes.

"Can you tell us what it's about, what it means to you?"

Lexi had had enough of Peter's questions she knew the direction the conversation was taking and she didn't like it.

"This isn't group Peter it's just a song it doesn't have to mean anything," everyone was staring at her as if she was crazy, Lexi hadn't realized she was shouting.

"The lyrics just made it sound as if…" Peter started before he was interrupted by Lexi.

"You don't know so don't pretend like you do." Lexi could feel her blood pressure rise and felt as if she might pass out.

"Lex calm down, it's ok here you can tell him," Trent said in hopes of calming Lexi, he hoped she was ready to finally open up.

"I can't you don't understand, I'm not allowed," Lexi screamed as she grabbed her guitar case with her free hand and ran towards the cabins.

"What is her deal, she was totally in a foul mood yesterday and today she freaks out over a song?" Scoot obviously didn't understand the things Lexi had gone through Trent thought realizing that he didn't know the whole truth either.

"Guys let's just give Lexi time to cool off and if anyone wants to call her on her attitude do so in group," Peter was sure that whatever was bothering Lexi wasn't going to stay bottled up inside her for very long. Peter knew eventually her pain was gonna catch up with her in a big way.

As the group started to go their separate ways Peter and Trent were left under the tree, Peter was hoping that Trent wouldn't scream at him like Lexi had.

"You want to talk?" Trent was surprised to see Peter still there, he had kind of zoned out while Scott was ranting.

"She's gonna be ok, she's tough," Trent obviously had misunderstood Peter.

"Not Lexi, I know she's tough, I want to talk about you," Peter knew that Trent was hiding things, that like Lexi he had some dark secrets that were swallowing him whole.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Tell me about your dad, Trent what's he like?" Peter knew Trent's dad had left when he was 10.

"I don't know, he was great to me, he was funny, smart, he would take Lexi and I to violin lessons and then take us for ice cream," Trent had found it surprisingly easy to open up to Peter about his dad, "he was great."

"That's good to hear man. What happened though I know he left do you know why?"

"Him and my mom were having problems, she started drinking again, he couldn't deal, they were screaming at each other all the time. Lexi's dad and my dad were best friends and after the incident he was fed up. I think he only stayed those extra years to make sure I was ok... Then I woke up one morning and he was gone, my mom said it was my fault," Trent hated to show his emotions with guys around but with Peter he didn't care.

"I'm sorry man that's hard," Peter knew that his father leaving was a big part of Trent's drug use.

"Yeah but the worst part I guess was not knowing he was gone until it was too late, not knowing where he went. He used to call but every time he did my mom would grab the phone out of my hand," Trent suddenly felt ashamed of himself; he was so ashamed he couldn't stand up to his mother.

"You know Trent it's not your fault no matter what your mother says," Peter could tell that Trent was blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong with his parents and had an idea that all Trent could hear was his mother's voice.

"How's your relationship with your step-father?"

"Ok I guess, he's never really around he works the late shift at the power plant so he sleeps during the day," Trent spent a lot of his time at home wishing that his step-father was around to protect him from his mom, especially when she drank.

"Have you talked to your mom or step-father since she visited?"

"My mom called last week, Peter I need to go it's almost time for dinner," Trent knew it was suspicious to just leave like that but he couldn't talk about his mother anymore.

"Trent we have an hour before dinner," Peter shouted but it was too late Trent was already gone. Peter had noticed something while they had been talking right before Trent left. It was small and looked like a blood stain on Trent's side.

Trent didn't stop to return the Violin to Lexi he went straight into his cabin, put the violin on his bed, Trent dug through the very bottom drawer of his desk until he found exactly what he was looking for, and then he walked straight to the bathroom without even looking at his bunkmates.

How could he have messed up like that was all Trent could think about as he closed the door of the bathroom behind him and slid on the floor in front of the door to block it just in case. He was always careful not to talk about his mother, if the guys knew how angry she could get, how he couldn't stand up to her, the bruises she had given him, Trent knew they would laugh at him. All Trent wanted to do was be a 'man' but he just couldn't take charge when it came to his mom, it was like he was 10 again like his father had just left. The pressure inside him was building he felt like he was going to die if he couldn't release the pain. Trent took the good sized piece of glass he kept hidden in his bottom drawer out of his pocket and glanced at it longingly. He knew it was wrong, he knew that Peter would be disappointed, that Lexi was afraid but he couldn't help himself it was the only way to control his anger, his pain. Trent lifted his shirt and examined his thin side where he had cut himself many times before; his recent cut had been made just two weeks earlier, the first day he found the glass. The last time he cut himself his mother had visited, she had stumbled in drunk and called him worthless in front of the entire group, as he felt the healing word 'worthless' on his side he thought how glad he was that Lexi hadn't been there for her visit. Just as Trent made his first cut Auggie started knocking on the bathroom door.

"Hey T, you ok in there?" Auggie was always concerned about the amount of time Trent spent in the bathroom.

"I'm fine, sorry I'll be out in a sec," Trent lied as he made a few more cuts that were deeper than usual and started to clean himself up.

"Bathrooms all yours," Trent said coming out of the bathroom a minute later.

"You ok T, you look a little pale, well paler than usual," Auggie could tell something was up Trent but didn't want to be nosy.

"I'm fine, just a little off that's all," Trent said in a snappier tone than usual.

"Dude chill he was just asking if you were ok. What is with you and your girlfriend today?" Scott had said the wrong thing and before he knew it Trent was in his face.

"I'll show you what's wrong with me pretty boy," Scott had never seen Trent like this before, Trent usually minded his own business and kept quiet.

"Dude you need to chill," the last thing Scott wanted was to get into a fight with Trent and end up with dish duty.

"How about you make me," all Trent really wanted to do was punch something in the face and at the moment Scott seemed as good a punching bag as any.

As Scott looked Trent up and down trying to understand why he was being like this he noticed something on Trent's side something that was growing.

"Dude is that blood on shirt?" As Trent looked down at the growing blood stain on his side Scott noticed him holding something in his hand.

"Trent, what you got in your hand?" It was Trent's worst nightmare; he didn't know how he could have been so careless about putting away the glass or making sure his cut wasn't bleeding when he left the bathroom.

"Let me see your side," Scott wasn't sure what it was he was looking for but he was pretty sure whatever was making Trent bleed he did himself.

"I'm fine," Trent said lying through his teeth as he backed away from Scott and headed towards his bed.

"You don't look fine," Ezra chimed in.

"I am it's nothing, just mind your own business," Trent opened his bottom desk drawer and dropped the piece of glass in the far back making sure none of the guys could see what he was doing.

By the time Trent had changed his shirt and put band-aides on his side without the others seeing it was time for dinner.

"Sorry for getting in your face," Trent said to Scott as they all headed for Dinner.

"It's cool I'm actually worried about you, you're like never like that," Trent wasn't sure what to say he just hoped Scott and the guys wouldn't bring up what they saw.

"And what was with that stuff on your shirt, it looked like blood," Trent was so embarrassed the only person who knew about his cutting was Lexi, he didn't know if he could trust Scott or Peter.

"I just nicked my side on a tree that's all, you know I saw Lexi and just kinda ran into a tree," Trent could tell Scott wasn't believing his lie; he had to admit it was one of his worst.

Scott however was tired of trying to get him to talk about it, "Whatever, man, but you better believe this isn't gonna stay quiet for long whatever it is."

"Thanks," Trent could barely talk due to his growing shame.

When they got to the table with the other Cliffhangers Trent took his normal seat to Lexi.

"I'm sorry for flipping out on you guys earlier, I don't know what came over me," Trent knew what came over her, that she was lying but after his freak out in his dorm he didn't say a thing.

"Its fine, I heard you have a Peter assignment for tonight so I'm guessing that's got you pretty stressed," Ezra said in the creaky voice that screamed I'm a nerd.

"Actually I finished that last night but yeah that and other things," she said looking at Trent.

Lexi could tell there was something wrong with Trent something about his hazel eyes just didn't seem right.

"Does anyone want my burger?" Lexi said hoping Auggie or Scott would take the calorie filled burger off her hands.

"You know if you don't start eating they will make you stay in the infirmary and you won't be allowed to exercise at all," Juliette said in a matter of fact way as she picked at her own burger, wishing it were a salad or a stick of celery.

"Thanks Jules, I'll keep that in mind," Lexi didn't know why but at that moment she became hungrier than she had been in her entire life.

Everyone stared in amazement as Lexi dropped her fork and knife which she usually used to cut all her food into little pieces, and picked up the burger with both hands and began taking big bites out of it. After the fourth bite Lexi began to feel disgusting like a big hog or an ugly elephant, and she dropped the burger and ran out of the room. Everyone stayed glued to their seat except Juliette who went running after her.

"Lexi are you in here?" Juliette asked entering the girl's bathroom in the lodge. Juliette could tell from the smell of fresh vomit that Lexi was definitely there.

"Lexi are you ok? I know what it's like to feel bad about eating something," Juliette was trying so hard but Lexi couldn't move she was so embarrassed.

"I can't believe I ate like that, that I ate that nasty burger period. You have to understand Jules I was gonna get fat." Lexi couldn't help but cry all the pressure was starting to get to her what she should say what she shouldn't say it was all too much.

Juliette found the stall Lexi was in and sat on the floor on the other side of the door, "I know Lex, it's hard, but you can't just run out of dinner like that, we might get dishes."

"Why would you get dishes? I'm the one who deserves them for eating like a pig," Lexi said drying her eyes; Lexi hated crying it made her feel like a loser.

"Well I kind of ran out without finishing dinner, we should get back, I mean there is always time after dinner to purge," Juliette said in a giggle trying to make Lexi laugh.

It had worked Lexi came out of the stall and the two of them headed back to the table.

As Juliette went back to her burger Lexi picked up her apple and began her ritual so she could eat the fruit. No one said a word about Lexi's out burst and Trent was happy that she ate the apple at all so he didn't bug her about the rest of her uneaten food.

Trent walked with Lexi back to her cabin to get her guitar before group.

"Hey Carrot-cake?" Trent knew he needed to ask Lexi's advice about his cutting, if anyone could help him he knew Lexi could.

"Yeah Sweet-potato?" Lexi said in a more tired and run down voice than Trent normally heard from her.

"I've been cutting myself, and today the guys kinda saw but not really," Trent had put his down as soon as he said this refusing to look in those deep eyes of hers.

Lexi wasn't completely surprised by the news but was slightly thrown that he was willing to talk about it, "That sucks," Lexi said in an attempt to lighten the tension forming around the two of them.

"Yeah, I don't know what to do, on one hand I'm pretty sure they'll think I'm a freak but on the other hand I'm so tired of lying and hiding all the time, you know?"

Lexi knew exactly what he was talking about, "It's a big step Trent, but if you decide to tell I'm here for you, and if it makes you feel better I'm sharing some stuff tonight as well.

Trent gave Lexi a shocked smile he knew how much she hated to share stuff about her self and it made him a little more daring.

"I think I want to tell," Trent said in an unsure voice.

"Good, I'm really worried about you," Lexi said stopping at the cabin door, "I'll be right back."

In a couple of seconds Lexi was back with her guitar.

"I'm worried about you too," Trent said in a soft voice that didn't really match his personality, "Like that freak out during dinner."

"I know, it's just hard sometimes, I get so angry and instead of yelling or something I eat to punish myself and then feel guilty about that and just have to get it out of me," Lexi knew she wasn't describing her feeling accurately but with the Trent news and everything else she had to deal with she didn't care how it sounded.

When they walked into the lodge all the Cliffhangers plus Peter were sitting on couches and on the floor in front of the fireplace waiting for them.

"Nice of you to join us," Peter said in a joking manner, "tonight we're going to have a free discussion, I know it's been awhile since we've had one so whatever is on you guys' minds, or any issues you're having with each other you can lay down right here. Who wants to start?" Peter knew no one was going to jump at the chance to spill their guts so he just waited patiently.

Surprisingly to everyone but Lexi Trent raised his hand to go first.

"Trent this is a pleasant surprise," Peter said curious about what Trent wanted to talk about.

After several deep breaths and a 'you can do it hand squeeze from Lexi Trent was ready to talk.

"I have a problem," Trent wasn't sure if he could go on but a caring glance from Lexi gave him the strength to continue, Trent knew with her by his side everything was going to be alright even if it wasn't.

"I cut myself sometimes, when I'm really stressed out or when my mom goes on one of her drinking binges it just levels me out," Trent couldn't believe what he had just said, he couldn't believe the looks he was getting from everyone else.

Scott was the first to speak up, "So that stuff on your shirt today that was blood and you in the bathroom that was you cutting yourself?" Scott had hoped he was wrong earlier when he saw the blood on Trent's shirt.

"Yeah, that's what it was," Trent said not looking at anyone but Peter.

"Trent there are some things that we're gonna have to do after group now that you've told us about your cutting," Trent knew something was going to have to be done but he didn't care. He felt surprisingly relieved as if a boulder had been taken off of his chest, he didn't feel as relieved as he did when he cut or did coke but he knew that this whole talking thing was going to be much better for him.

"I know," Trent said taking a big breath and giving Lexi's hand a small tug before releasing it.

"Does anyone else have anything to say about either Trent's self harm and how that makes them feel or about their own self harm?" Peter was looking at Lexi as he asked this but Lexi had nothing to say on the topic.

"I understand where Trent's coming from, with the whole mom thing, she doesn't drink but the way she makes me feel about myself I get so angry and then feel bad for being angry at her and so I take it out on myself," Juliette didn't look like a cutter to Lexi though Lexi wasn't really sure what a cutter was supposed to look like she was sure Juliette wasn't it. Juliette had this beautiful brown hair that was only a little shorter than Lexi's burgundy colored hair, and she always sat straight up as if she were in a beauty pageant, something about her just didn't scream 'I cut myself' to Lexi.

"Can you control what your mother does or how she feels or even how she acts towards you Jules?" Peter said noticing how quiet Lexi was; there was just something off about how detached she was from her scars and how quiet she got when others talked about cutting. Peter just had a feeling something wasn't right with her.

"Nope," Juliette said in her normal perky tone, "I can only control my actions and how I deal with my problems."

"Does anyone else have anything to add or ask?" Peter wasn't surprised nobody answered most of the group still seemed in shock from Trent's confession.

"Ok well who wants to go next? Lexi maybe," Peter said noticing the guitar by her feet.

"Fine, but before I start I wanted to apologize for my attitude this time of year is kind of hard for me," Lexi took in a deep breath something about Trent baring his soul made Lexi brave enough to confess a little bit, "Monday is the anniversary of my dad's death, so I'm a little edgy I know that it's no excuse since he died when I was seven, it's just hard. This is actually the first time I've ever talked about it, since his funeral I mean."

Lexi could see the questions rising in her group members face's but quickly started her assignment to avoid the awkward questions.

"So yeah, Peter gave me an assignment a poem about where I go at night so if you'd bare with me, I'd like to share that with you," Lexi couldn't believe she was sharing so much she couldn't help but feel like she was going to get into trouble if or when she went home but at that moment she didn't care.

_____**"I call it 'The Zoo'," Lexi **__**said,**__** softly strumming her guitar as she began to recite her poem.**_

_____**When I dream I'm an animal, stuck inside the zoo.**_

_____**The zoo keeper is mean to me,**_

_____** He won't feed me,**_

_____** He hurts me.**_

_____**When I dream I'm an Elephant, and everyone stops and stares,**_

_____**They laugh at me,**_

_____**They taunt me, **_

_____**They make faces**____** but who cares.**_

_______**When I dream I'm all alone, a monkey in a cage,**_

_______**The children all throw things,**_

_______**They cut me with razors, **__**burn me with cigars,**_

_______**Their parents never taught them better, I can't blame them for my scars.**_

_______**When I dream I'm a bat, who's afraid of the dark,**_

_______**The old men come,**_

_______**I can not move,**_

_______**I am dirt, **__**am I undone? It feels too soon**_

_________**When I dream I am a dolphin, who never learned to swim,**_

_________**I sit and bleed,**_

_________**I drowned in my screams,**_

_________** I **__**never get rescued no **__**one can hear my **__**plea**__**s**_

___________**When I dream I'm an animal, **__**stuck**__** in**__**side**__** the zoo,**_

___________**When I wake I'm still afraid, but that is nothing new.**_

Lexi took in a few deep breaths, and then looked up from her guitar to find every eye on her.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- I do not own higher ground poor me. I do however own Lexi and her family and Trent and his family. High-five me!

"Please no! I promise I'll be better! Please no, not there, no not the cage I promise I'll be better! I'm sorry, please don't I'm sorry!" Daisy walked slowly to the corner where the crying girl huddled herself pleading with the air.

"Lexi? What's wrong?" Lexi could hear Daisy's voice and slightly see her face, everything was blurred as if she were trapped underwater.

"I promise I'll be better I promise, please don't, please stop. STOP!! Please," Lexi started hyperventilating her throat closed and she felt as if she were going to die.

While Daisy stayed by Lexi's side Shelby ran to the administrators' office to find Peter.

"Shelby what are you doing up?" Sophie was on the couch while Peter reviewed files behind his desk.

"It's Lexi, she won't stop screaming she started breathing funny we can't get her to move," at that Sophie and Peter flew out the door with Shelby on their tails.

"When did she start screaming?" Sophie asked a confused Shelby.

"About a half an hour ago, we thought it was like normal so Daisy went over to wake her up so she'd stop and she flipped out."

When they arrived in the Cliffhangers dorm not much had changed Lexi was still in the corner crying the only difference was that the boys had stumbled in as well.

"Peter what's wrong with her?" Trent had never seen Lexi like this before and he was scared.

"I don't know, Daisy how is she doing?"

"She stopped screaming when we turned on the lights but something isn't right Peter she keeps mumbling and she isn't breathing right."

"She's gonna be alright isn't she?" Ezra looked almost as frightened as Trent.

"She's gonna be fine E-Z. Right Peter," even though his words were semi-comforting Auggie had a worried look on his face as well.

Peter was on the floor near Lexi trying to get her out of the corner so he could figure out what to do.

"Lexi can you hear me it's Peter," Lexi was awake but had shut her eyes to keep out the images; all the blood and men scared her.

Lexi didn't answer but Peter noticed a slight change in her breathing it had become a little steadier and she had stopped mumbling to herself.

"Lexi you're safe now, you're at Horizon and no one can hurt you," Peter knew that where ever she was and whatever she was hiding were starting to take their toll on her.

"Peter you have to help me," Lexi whispered before passing out. The whole night had been too much for her frail body to handle.

"Peter I don't get it Lexi was doing so well, I mean she made it through her father's anniversary she was opening up a little bit more, what happened?" Lexi knew that concerned voice, and was glad that she woke up at Horizon, even if it was the infirmary.

"I don't know Soph, something is going on the things she mumbled I don't know what they mean but whatever's haunting her is big," Peter noticed a rustle behind the curtain and before Lexi could pretend to be a sleep she was staring Peter in the face.

"Hey sleepy head, how you feeling," Sophie went instantly to her side.

"Embarrassed, what happened?" Lexi couldn't remember a whole lot from the night before just a looming feeling of being drowned.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed Lexi. From what we can tell you were having a nightmare and when Daisy tried to wake you up she scared you throwing you into a panic attack," Peter had come around to her other side, Lexi couldn't help but wonder if that's what having real parents was like, ones that actually cared.

"Is Daisy ok? I should go apologize," Lexi wanted to leave the infirmary more than anything. Doctors and hospitals scared the crap out of her.

"Hold on," Peter flashed her a caring smile, "Daisy is fine it's you we're worried about."

Lexi hated when people worried about her it made her feel guilty like she'd been bad or had done something wrong.

"I'm fine, I just want to go back to my dorm," Lexi was lying and they could all tell, she was never really fine, and she didn't know if being fine or ok was ever going to happen for her.

"Lexi I don't know if that's such a good idea you need to rest," Sophie said noticing how pale Lexi looked.

"It was just a panic attack no big, I feel totally stable now, promise," Lexi tried to take a page out of Trent's puppy dog face book but had a feeling Sophie and Peter wouldn't buy it.

"I don't…" Sophie started with a concerned look in her eye.

"Go ahead Lexi, it's almost time for dinner," Peter knew keeping her there wouldn't help any.

"Thanks Peter."

Lexi grabbed her things and headed to the cafeteria to meet her group.

"Do you really think that was smart Peter what if something happens?"

"We can only help her if she wants to be helped Soph, now I'm gonna go try her mother again," Peter got up to make his third call to Lexi's mother leaving Sophie with her fears.

As Lexi took her tray over to the Cliffhangers table she noticed someone was missing.

"Hey where's Kat," no one saw her coming because at her words giant smiles graced everyone's face, even Shelby.

"How are you doing?" Ezra seemed a little surprised to see her back so soon.

"I'm totally embarrassed, and I'm sorry if I scared any of you," all Lexi knew how to do was retreat back into her politeness and hope that no one pressed her.

Trent just stared as she took her normal seat next to him he didn't know what to think or say.

"No reason to be embarrassed Pick," Auggie seemed to have a nickname for everyone, Lexi thought it was funny when he gave her tooth-pick or pick for short, "We've only got each other up here."

"I guess, but seriously where's Kat?" Lexi tried to keep from blushing at Auggie's sentiment.

"Kat got busted," Shelby had a devilish smile on her face, Lexi wasn't sure what she meant but she knew whatever she meant was no good.

"What Kat never does anything wrong," Lexi was confused and the Meatloaf on her plate didn't help any.

"Yeah she got caught by Sophie making out with Hank in Peter's house," Trent wasn't usually one for gossip so Lexi knew he wasn't making it up, even if it didn't sound like Kat at all.

"What?! Why would she, that's total suicide," Lexi tried not to laugh as she imagined Sophie walking in on Kat and her boyfriend, in Peter's living room.

Juliette couldn't resist adding to the story, gossip made her world spin, "I heard it was because she didn't want to her parents to visit."

"Wow, I miss everything," Lexi said finally feeling relaxed.

"Well if you didn't wake all of us up in the middle of the night and then pass out and spend all day in the infirmary then maybe you wouldn't miss stuff," Scott said as Juliette ran her fingers quickly through his blonde hair trying to avoid her dinner.

"Cool it Meat, you can't really talk" Auggie jumped in remembering the nights that he was woken up by Scott moaning and crying in his sleep.

"Whatever, I was just stating the obvious this is like the fourth time since she's been here that she's woken everyone up,"

"I'm sorry alright," she knew Scott was right but she didn't know how to stop it, the dreams just came it wasn't voluntary, "Now does anyone want my meatloaf?" Lexi smiled, she was always trying to give her food away but no one ever seemed to want it.

"Fine, what else did I miss today?" Lexi had just noticed a few eggs at the table and she was hoping they weren't to raise her calorie count.

"We have a new health project," Trent said handing Lexi the egg that had been resting by his tray.

"Ok? Does someone want to fill me in?" Lexi eyed the eggs in disgust.

"Well everyone had sex, and the egg is our child, some of us are in pairs…"

"No!" Lexi shouted startling the entire table.

"Why we got paired together," Trent said giving her a pleading look.

"Yeah you did better than me and Meat," Auggie gave Scott the evil eye, which Scott returned with his famous eye-roll.

"I don't care," Lexi tried to choke back the tears as everyone began staring at her.

"You're joking right; Lex my grade depends on how well we do as a team. What's with you, you love school work," Trent was right and she knew it Lexi usually loved to do homework and projects but this one was different it hit too close to home.

"I can't and I won't so let's just drop it," Lexi knew she was being a jerk to Trent but he wouldn't understand so she didn't want to explain.

"Come on Bones afraid of the baby weight," Shelby always had something rude to say when it came to Lexi.

"You can't even fathom, what I'm afraid of," Lexi said in a cold tone that didn't fit her personality, "I'll catch you guys in group," Lexi dumped her food in the trash can and went into the main room of the lodge near the fire to think.

"Good job, now she's definitely not going to tell us what's wrong," Trent knew whatever was bothering Lexi ran deeper than the health project.

"Oh yeah cuz she opens up to us all the time," Shelby said in a catty tone.

"Shelby has a point, she never really lets us in, like every once in awhile she throws us something but, yeah," Juliette had seemed to confuse herself trying to stick up for Shelby who was getting the evil eye from Trent.

"Lexi is beautiful and caring and smart and funny and talented like I'll never be. She's awesome and she puts up with me but…" Trent started to go pink just as Juliette interrupted him.

"You love her don't you, like you're totally in love with her," Juliette could see Trent's face go from sort of pink to a violent tomato red color.

"Dude calm down we all kind of know, except Lexi," Trent looked around the table and to his amazement the entire group was nodding its head. Scott was apparently right.

"We're just friends," Trent sounded as if he were trying to convince himself more than the others, "but that's beyond the point, Lexi has been through things and it's hard for her to trust people."

"Wake up Trent, we've all been through things, that's kind of why we're all here," Trent knew Shelby was right but he thought if they only knew what had really happened with her dad then they would be more understanding.

"Whatever I'll check you guys during group," Trent got up and headed into the next room to find Lexi.

Trent had never seen anything more beautiful as he stood next to Lexi who was stoking the fire which made her porcelain features glow.

"Can I sit?" Trent had to be careful he knew Lexi was like an exotic butterfly prone to taking off when something frightened her or got too close. He was the only one who ever got to see most of her, he knew that he didn't know everything but he had never really cared.

"As long as you're not going to try and make me do that stupid project," Lexi knew Trent could see she had been crying but she was too tired from everything to care. When it came to Trent Lexi didn't care what he saw only what he knew. If he knew too much she knew would never speak to her again, he'd hate her the same way she hated herself.

"I learned my lesson in Mrs. Mikeler's fourth grade class," at that they both smiled remembering the incident with the class pet and the fat elderly teacher, "Besides with all the projects you did and then added my name to, I couldn't object it would hypocritical."

"I can't do this one Trent and I don't want you to put my name on it," Lexi had never wanted credit for much of anything in her life especially something she didn't do.

"If that's what you want then that's fine," Trent knew she was hurting but knew pushing the subject wouldn't help, that she would open up when she felt ready.

"Peter called my mom, about last night," Lexi said bringing her knees up to her chest, her signature comfort move.

"Did he actually reach her?" Trent said with a laugh in his voice.

"What do you think?" Lexi chuckled.

At that Lexi flashed Trent a smile which made his heart stop, the others were right Trent loved Lexi more than anything else he just didn't know how to tell her.

"You two are early," Peter had ruined their moment without even realizing it.

"We weren't very hungry," Lexi said hoping to avoid Peter's wrath.

It didn't work, "Lexi you have to eat or else I'm going to have to put you on restrictions," Peter noticed a twinge of fear in Lexi's face.

The last thing Lexi needed or wanted was time alone to think.

"I'll have a big breakfast tomorrow, I promise," Lexi noticed Peter's edge go down a little bit as he sat directly opposite of her and Trent, "did you get a hold of my mom?"

"After about three tries," Peter said with a slight grin.

"High-five to you," Lexi said giving Peter an air high-five, "I can never get a hold of her, what did she say?"

"She wants to come up for a visit in two weeks with your step-father to mark your progress," Peter couldn't quite gage Lexi's response, due to the fact that she had buried her head in her knees.

"Your mom, here, Lexi I don't think I've seen your mom since…"

Lexi finished his sentence with a slight bitterness that Peter noticed only happened when she talked about her mom and step-dad, "The first funeral, I heard it was swell."

Trent put his arm around Lexi; he knew how hard it had been for her to not go to her father's official funeral.

"Any who if she actually shows up it will be worth it to see her in all this fresh-air," Lexi laughed and gave Trent 'as if' look.

"Oh God I can't imagine, do you remember her company picnic, and the egg toss," They both laughed remembering how uncomfortable her mother looked outside of her office.

"Oh yeah, Peter I'm not doing the egg project," Lexi started not noticing the other Cliffhangers entering the room.

"It's a big part of your grade, Lexi," Peter didn't understand why she would be against it the project was fairly simple and Lexi was a really good student.

"I don't care, I'm not doing the project, it's lame," Lexi was trying as hard as possible to cover up her pain but she wasn't quite sure she was doing a good job, Peter kept giving her a look as if he weren't buying her act.

"Is she still going on about that project?" Shelby came around the other side of the couch and sat down next to Trent.

"Let's get going guys," Peter picked up the staff in the corner of the room trying to avoid an argument. He motioned for all of them to get up and for a circle, "Now we don't have Kat or Sophie tonight but I still want you to give it your all."

Peter had a feeling that his topic for the evening wasn't going to go over well but he wanted to challenge the group.

"Ok, tonight we are going to pass the staff, who you blame for what and why…Scott," there was a loud sigh from the group.

Scott caught the staff with no problem, "I blame Elaine for busting up my family, before her everything was fine… Jules."

"I blame my mother for the way I am, if she wasn't so critical than I wouldn't be like this," Juliette said catching the staff, "Ezra."

"I blame myself for my parent's marriage falling apart, they bought me too save it and it just seemed to fall apart quicker... Shelby."

"I blame myself for my mother not getting to do everything she wanted in life, because she had me so young," It was the softest Lexi had ever seen Shelby and for a half a second she didn't seem scary anymore, "Trent."

"I blame my mother and her drinking for my father leaving, most of the time, because if she hadn't been so awful when she was drunk than maybe he wouldn't have left us… Auggie."

"I blame myself for being sent here, I messed up… Daisy."

"I blame alcohol, for making my parents worthless human beings…Lexi"

Lexi had been thinking while the others were going, and when the staff got to her she still didn't quite have an answer.

"Everything that has gone wrong in my life is my fault there's no one else I can blame I brought it all upon myself," Lexi hoped her answer would suffice but something in Peter's face as she passed the staff to him told her it wouldn't.

"What did you bring upon yourself Lexi?" Peter suspected abuse even though her file didn't mention it. He knew the weight she was under; keeping her secrets in was too much, he could see it in her eyes she was slowly falling apart.

"I don't want to talk about it," Whatever progress she had been making had suddenly unraveled.

"Why not Lexi what are you hiding, who are you protecting with your silence?"

His last three words set her off, it wasn't her silence it wasn't something she owned or wanted, there was nothing she could do about it, there were rules. Everyone in the group noticed Lexi's normally paper white face turn quicker than bad milk.

"None of your damn business! SCREW YOU AND YOUR STUPID SCHOOL!" Lexi screamed before running out the lodge door. None of them had ever seen Lexi like that, sure they had seen a few unpleasant moments but she had never screamed like that before.

As Trent got up to go after her Peter grabbed his arm, "Let her go she needs to cool down."

Kat had been the only one in the cabin when Lexi got there, neither girls talked which Lexi was grateful for. After about twenty minutes thinking on her bed Lexi fell asleep.

"Lexi Peter wants to see you before breakfast," Daisy said in her normal dry tone.

"Hey Dais," Lexi started as she gathered her things for her shower.

"What?!" Daisy snapped, Lexi had never known Daisy to be anything other than calm and witty.

"I wanted to say thanks for the other night," Lexi was still embarrassed and headed quickly to the shower before any of the others could see her blushing.

Lexi stared into the mirror at her naked body, all she could feel was disgust. All the scars new and old stood out on her ivory colored skin.

Lexi came close to tears as her hand brushed the stab wounds on her chest and stomach, "Why?" was all she could manage. She knew he had been sick but it still hurt. As Lexi's mind drifted slowly back to the night of her fathers death she heard a knocking at the door.

"Come on Bones other people need to shower too you know?"

"Sorry I'll be out in a minute," Lexi had forgotten all about taking a shower.

As she quickly soaped herself down she couldn't help but think that there was no point to it, that no matter what only death could make her clean.

After Lexi showered and changed her clothes, she headed for Peter's office. She knew no matter how much she wished she could take back what she said Peter hadn't forgotten her outburst.

Before she realized, "Come on in Lexi," she was inside Peter's office.

Peter felt torn about Lexi he couldn't tell what had railroaded her progress; he didn't know why every time she got so close to opening up she pulled away.

"Peter I want to apologize for last night, I was out of line," Peter noticed that as Lexi spoke she couldn't look at him.

"Lexi I understand that you have trust issues, I understand that some awful things have happened to you," Lexi made direct eye contact with Peter.

"You have no clue," Lexi said putting her knees to her chest on her favorite part of Peter's couch.

"Than help me to know Lexi, when you asked for my help that night, when you cry out in your sleep, I can't help you if you don't open up, if you don't tell me what those things mean," Peter noticed a sad look in the frail girl's eyes, he could tell she was drowning, he wished that he could shake it out of her. He wished he could make her want help.

"Look I was wrong last night and I understand you have to punish me," Lexi was afraid; punishments were always cruel at home, "so what are you going to do to me?"

Peter could see a twinge as if she had remembered something painful as she spoke.

"Nobody here is going to hurt you if that's what you mean Lexi," Peter noticed a shocked expression on her face, "Your punishment however is full dinner kitchens for two weeks, which includes preparing and cooking the food along with serving and clean up."

Lexi felt great, compared to normal she was getting off easy, "No problem Peter, can I go now I have to eat before class."

"Not yet, I want to talk about the egg project," Lexi had a feeling he was going to bring up her refusal to do her health project.

"Why? I told you I'm not doing the project Peter it's that simple," Lexi felt the anger bubbling inside her, she didn't understand why this project was so important to him.

"Why not Lexi, you are such a good student, I don't understand why you won't do the project."

"That's my business Peter. I'm ok with a failing mark, it's not like I need this project to pass the class I have an 'A'," Lexi couldn't tell him the truth she couldn't tell anyone they would think she was a freak.

"Ok, but I'm very disappointed in you,"

"I'm sorry," Lexi could only manage a quick look in Peter's direction before leaving. She hated disappointing him but there was no way she could do that project.

The cool morning air rushed through Lexi's slightly messy hair, which came to the middle of her back. Everything outside of her was peaceful, everything inside was a mud slide, dangerous and out of control. She wished they didn't have to come and visit her, that they could leave her alone, that He could leave her alone, but she knew that would never happen. At that moment Lexi missed her father more than ever, she suddenly didn't feel hungry not that she ever real felt hungry or ate.

As she grabbed her tray and headed to the Cliffhanger's table Lexi plastered on the biggest smile she could, hoping everyone else was in a good mood.

"Hey where's Kat?" Lexi noticed that Kat wasn't at the table for the second meal in a row.

"She had a big fight with her parents yesterday while we were in health and now she won't leave her bed," Juliette smiled at the fact that Lexi seemed to be in a better mood.

"Wow, that kind of sucks." Lexi said noticing how much quieter everyone was than usual.

"What's wrong with you guys?" Lexi asked with the fake smile still on her face.

"We're all just a little drained Bones this health project is kinda hard," Shelby threw an evil glance towards Ezra who had two eggs by his tray," especially when you have 'Freakin' for a partner."

"Come on Shelby if we're going to be married you're going to have to learn how to pronounce our last name," Ezra had the largest smile on his face as he reached out for Shelby's hand.

"You touch me and you die… 'Freakin'," Lexi laughed as Shelby picked up her fork and shot it down right next to Ezra's hand.

"That's really lame, I'm sorry you two are stuck together," Lexi giggled, "mainly for the twin's sake."

"What do you care Bones you aren't doing this project anyway, oh speaking of how was your trip to Peter's office?" Lexi searched her brain trying to figure out how the two were connected, she couldn't.

"Um... he said he was disappointed that I wouldn't do the project, and gave me full dinner kitchens for two weeks. So don't mess with me Shelby or you might find a band-aid in your dinner," Lexi joked.

"High-five," Trent said extending his hand to Lexi.

"Dude I don't get it how is kitchens high-five worthy," Scott said as he ran his fingers through his blonde hair, he looked as if he hadn't slept much.

"Well I thought he was gonna put me on shuns or restrictions so kitchens not so bad," Lexi said realizing that her and Trent were still hold hands.

They both pulled their hands away as Trent took up the other end of the conversation, "Plus the fact that dinner may not suck around here for two weeks, Lexi is an amazing cook."

Lexi blushed

"Wait a minute I thought you didn't like food or something Pick?" Auggie looked confused while trying to eat his 'morning' burrito.

"I don't like eating that doesn't mean I don't like cooking, two completely different things," Lexi loved cooking even before her eating disorder had taken over.

"Right," Auggie said still sounding a little unsure.

"Hey Daisy, what's wrong?" Lexi had noticed Daisy had been quiet all breakfast long something that never happened.

"She's fine," Daisy slouched lifelessly beside him, "Peter just didn't give her an egg," Ezra said in a soft tone for fear of Daisy hitting him in the back of the head.

"I'm barren! You can say it Ezra I'm childless and I have to write a stupid paper about it," Lexi noticed a definite sadness in Daisy's eyes that wasn't normally there.

"Don't worry Daisy it's just a stupid project," Lexi said more to herself than to Daisy, "It doesn't mean anything," Lexi's voice had dropped almost to a whisper.

----------------------------------

I know this chapter isn't very long it's more of a set up for some big drama to come. So please keep reading and responding.

---sadclown18


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer- again I own Lexi and her family and Trent and his family and since this is my fic I can be as crazy as I wanna. High-five me. I do not own high ground; this is my sad face :'(

"Everyone decent?" Lexi shouted as she knocked on the guys' door.

"Yeah come in," Scott called from his bed.

"Hey sweet-potato, you in the mood to play?" Lexi looked around and noticed that the guys' dorm was the exact same as her own, except for an odor she assumed came with being a guy.

"Yeah but I can't stay out long I've got to finish my presentation for health tomorrow," Trent smiled at her.

"Sure but at least two songs I'm dying to play," Lexi gave him a pleading look she knew he couldn't resist.

"Come on let's go," He loved making her happy and her smile made his heart go haywire.

"Yay!" Lexi carried both instruments to the main room of the lodge so Trent who was notoriously clumsy could safely carry his egg.

"I'm gonna be so glad to be rid of this thing," Trent said as he tripped over a rock nearly dropping his egg baby.

"Whatever lets not talk about those stupid egg things alright," Lexi tried to keep her bitterness in check but found it harder than she imagined.

"How was your first dinner shift?" Trent asked as they took their normal seats by the fire.

"Let's just say my fingers will be prunie for the next 20 years, they gave me pots and pans," Lexi smiled admiring the contours of Trent's thin face. She loved to watch him, wished that maybe one day after she'd gotten away from it all she could be his.

"Ouch and all because you told Peter, wait what was it again?" Trent joked as he brushed a loose piece of hair out of Lexi's stunning emerald eyes.

The feeling of Trent's fingers on her face made Lexi stumble as she responded, "I'm, uh, pretty sure I said screw you and your stupid school."

"How could I forget," Trent laughed as he tuned the violin, "I wrote a song for you."

"What? No you didn't," Lexi blushed, "Why?"

As he picked up the guitar and handed her the violin he whispered, "Why do you think?" Trent was finally ready to tell her how he felt.

Lexi had no response all she could do was stare as the fire gave him the glow of an angel.

"Just listen ok," Lexi nodded her head as he began.

_**"I call this mesmerized, by me for you,"**_

_**Trent began to strum the guitar in a slow and rhythmic way.**_

_**Trent- and I've been sitting here for a while,**_

___**Hypnotized**__** by your **__**innocent smile.**_

___**And you sit and you stare,**_

_____**into**__** the sky as I dare to breath, knowing that your near.**_

_______**Chorus – you got me mesmerized,**_

_________**by**__** your emerald eyes, **_

_________**yeah**__** the world around us could collapse and I would not care.**_

_________**You got me mesmerized,**_

_________**And baby I can **__**tell n**__**o lies,**_

_________**I'd rat**__**her be with you if I could **__**choose**__** anywhere**_

___________**Trent- and I love the way your hair glows,**_

___________**And **__** the**__** way you read your book to the trees.**_

_____________**And I**__** love the fact that you put up with me,**_

_____________**And the way you cry about **__**the **__**beauty in a **__**summer**__**'s**__** breeze.**_

_____________**Chorus – you got me mesmerized,**_

_____________**By your emerald eyes,**_

_____________**Yeah the world around us could collapse and I would not care.**_

_____________**You got me mesmerized,**_

_____________**And baby I can tell no lies,**_

_____________**I'd rather be with you if I could choose anywhere.**_

_____________**Trent-my Carrot-cake,**_

_____________**So sweet, so kind,**_

_____________**I know this is cheesy, but I'm **__**wonderin**__**'… would you be **__**mine?**_

As Trent put down the guitar he could feel his heart racing faster than he could have even imagined.

"Well, what did you think?" Trent asked unable to find an obvious response on Lexi's face.

"I don't know, it was beautiful,"

"But?" Trent could always tell when Lexi had a but coming.

"I don't know, were you asking what I think you were asking?" Lexi knew exactly what Trent was asking but was torn, between what she wanted and reality.

"Lex, we've been best friends since we were six. And I've loved you for like ever; you were my first kiss for crying out loud, I've just been too afraid to tell you how I felt. I know this sounds stupid but when I saw you here at Horizon I knew, that no matter what happens we're gonna make it. If it's boyfriend and girlfriend or just friends I know we're gonna make it," Trent grabbed her hands and searched her eyes but he still couldn't tell what Lexi was thinking.

His touch made it hard for her to breath and she knew that he was right. She had loved him since the beginning but how could she tell him about everything he needed to know but would never want to hear.

"Lexi I just bared my soul do you have any sort of response?" He asked jokingly, he hoped to see a smile cross her serious face.

It worked slightly, "Trent I can't, I mean I love you but Greg…" Trent pulled her slightly closer before interrupting.

"Greg, what about him, I told you Lexi him and your mom are miles and miles away, it doesn't matter what they think," Lexi knew he would never understand and it hurt her to have to tell him that her heart and her body didn't belong to her that she couldn't just give herself to him no matter how much she loved him.

"There are rules Sweet-potato, don't you get that," Lexi started to cry as the confusion in his eyes grew.

"I don't care about rules, screw your mother and her rules, and screw Greg and his rules. This is about us!" the people closest to the fire listened in horror as the two began to raise their voices.

"Trent I love you but I can't," Lexi grabbed the violin and case and ran out the door before Trent had the chance to stop her.

Noticing every eye on him Trent went red as he packed up the guitar and took the egg back to his cabin.

It felt like an eternity walking back to his dorm, his mind racing while his heart slowly broke. As he entered the guy's dorm he knew it had been stupid to tell the guys that he was going to tell her but he had just been so nervous.

"So hot shot how did it go?" Scott asked looking up from the pamphlets for his project.

"Yeah, man, how did it go? How does it feel to be in love?" Auggie joked as Trent put the guitar down on his bed.

"I feel like I want to take a razor and… well you can imagine the rest," in anger and confusion Trent sank to the floor in front of his bed.

"That's not funny," Ezra came and sat next to him with a concerned look on his face.

"I wasn't joking," Trent couldn't believe how horribly the night had gone.

"Dude what happened? You were all giggles and sunshine when you left," Scott put down his pamphlets and joined his friends on the floor.

"I don't know, I sang her the song, she thought it was beautiful, and then she said 'she loved me but she couldn't. I feel like such a dumbass. I knew she was too good for me," Trent looked like a puppy that had been kicked several times when Auggie sat down and joined the group.

"Yo! She's not too good for you, man, stop getting down on yourself," Auggie hated to see his friends hurt.

"What did she mean by she 'can't'?" Ezra knew something wasn't right about all of it he had seen the way Lexi looked at Trent he could see how much she loved him.

"I don't know she said something about Greg and rules, and I told her I didn't care about her mom and step-dad's rules. But she just started crying and left," Trent replayed the crazy scene in his mind over and over again.

"Wait why would she mention her step-dad?" the others looked at Ezra as if he were a Martian.

"E-Z if Trent knew that do you think he'd be down here talking to us?" Auggie always had common sense Ezra didn't.

"I guess not, it just doesn't make any sense."

"You know what I'm fine you guys I'm just gonna shower and go to bed," Trent said in a numb and distant way.

"Are you sure? Cuz we're here for you, man, I mean we're not gonna hug you if you cry but we're if you want to talk or something," Scott said in an awkward and unsure tone as he rose to go back to his bed.

"I'm sure, thanks guys," Trent said as he gathered his things to take a shower, "Oh can one of you take the guitar over to the girls, I would but..."

"Brutally and confusingly getting your heart ripped out kinda put a damper on your mood," Ezra said jokingly.

"Something like that," Trent said as he closed the bathroom door behind himself.

"Nice E-Z way to make him feel good," Auggie threw a pillow hitting Ezra in the back of his head.

Trent felt like had a hangover on his way to breakfast the next morning, he never knew telling Lexi he loved her could hurt so much. His shower the previous night had lasted until the water went from brutally hot to freezing cold. He knew that cutting was out of the question since Peter took away his glass but everything that had happened hurt so bad he just stood under the scolding water wishing his skin would melt off.

Slightly embarrassed and sure everyone at the table knew about his failure Trent took his tray to a table by himself. All he could think about was how stupid he had been thinking that she could ever actually love him.

As Trent picked at his pancakes Lexi walked by, even though his heart was broken he still thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Lexi had spent the entire night in the bathroom crying and knew she looked like crap as she walked right past the food line and headed to the Cliffhangers table empty handed.

"Look Jules Bones actually left the bathroom," Shelby laughed as Lexi took her normal seat.

"You're really funny Shelby," Lexi noticed the empty chair next to her.

Picking up on Lexi's curiosity Ezra pointed over his shoulder, "He's over there, bye himself."

"Dude, where's your tray?" Scott asked as he inhaled his bacon.

Lexi knew she had messed up, she couldn't even think about food with what she had done to him.

Lexi simply shrugged.

"What are you all depressed about Pick?" Auggie looked her over and noticed she had been crying, "You're the one who broke his heart."

"What?!" Juliette turned towards Lexi with her normal smile glued to her face.

"She didn't run and tell you guys how she broke Trent's heart last night?" Ezra chimed in.

"No, she didn't," Daisy looked up slightly from the face she was making with her breakfast, a pancake that frowned.

"I don't get it you two are made for each other," Juliette cut her pancakes into a million pieces, "You know if Peter comes by your dead, you have to at least pretend you're eating something."

Lexi simply put her head down willing them away until class.

All the equations blurred the instant they hit the board and Lexi knew she was losing it. She hadn't slept in three days, first with the nightmares, then with the building stress of her step-dad's visit, and then with the whole Trent situation Lexi knew her world was coming undone. Her stomach betrayed her right before the lunch letting out a great roar, which made most of the class giggle and stare as if they were four.

"What are you looking at?" Lexi snapped as she tried extremely hard to constraint on the math problems they were being assigned. Thankfully the bell rang as soon as the teacher turned to see who had shouted.

Lexi knew she needed to talk to Trent to explain to him, she couldn't stand not having him near her.

"Trent will you wait a sec," Lexi stopped at his desk before he could gather his books.

"Why? You gave me your answer," He grabbed his books and tried to go past her but she blocked his path twice, "Come on Lexi."

"No please I need to talk to you, I don't think you understood me last night," Lexi gave him a pleading look and he sat with a huff in his desk as the other students left.

"I don't know what you could say, you gave me your answer," Trent looked everywhere but into her eyes, he could never resist her eyes.

"No I didn't you didn't let me finish. I said I loved you, I do I love you so much it hurts because I can't be with you, I can't not won't I can't just be yours," Lexi said swatting tears from her eyes.

Trent grabbed her hand and studied her face, "Why can't you tell me what's wrong?" He moved his other hand toward her face almost knocking over his egg baby.

The slightest touch from him burned her soul, "There are rules Trent, I know you don't believe me or don't care but I have to, if I don't…" Her voice trailed off as a cold shiver climbed her spine.

"If you don't, than what? That's the thing if you told me maybe I could help," Trent gave her hand a squeeze forcing her to look straight into his piercing hazel eyes.

"You sound suspiciously like Peter," She joked knowing that she would never win that he would never touch her after she told him if she could ever tell him that is.

"I try," Trent flashed her a smile that made her knees go weak.

"I can't kiss you, I can't make love or any of those things that I know you'll one day expect. I love you so much and you deserve more than I can give," she said turning her head just enough to where her eyes wouldn't meet his.

"I've already got something better than I could ever have wished for, I got you," Trent pulled her face back to his making sure their eyes met, "Someday you're gonna have to tell me Carrot-cake, but until then this will do, just knowing that you love me will do," he said as he softly pressed his lips against her cheek.

All she could do was nod her head as he pulled her into a hug. As they walked to lunch Lexi thought to herself, her head was filled with reasons why she loved him, her number one reason, because he knew patients and treated her as if she was worth the wait.

As they took their normal seats smiling with two full lunch trays the Cliffhangers let out a collective sigh.

"Finally," Auggie joked, "are you two Horizons new 'it' couple."

"No," Trent said smiling at Lexi.

"Wait I don't get it this morning neither of you would look at each other and last night was a total disaster and now you still aren't together but you're all rainbows and puppies?" Shelby gave an 'I don't get it' look to the entire table.

"Basically," Lexi started in as she sliced off a thin piece of turkey and ate it.

"And you're eating whoa Pick what happened in that math room?" Auggie laughed glad to see both Lexi and Juliette were eating.

"None of your business," Lexi giggled she was just glad that her and Trent had come to some sort of agreement.

"We'll see how happy you are next period, we have our egg presentations to do," Shelby knew how to get under Lexi's skin, and took pride in doing so.

"Thanks Shelby," Lexi frowned as she picked up her apple and pushed her tray away, "I almost forgot."

"What is your deal with this stupid project?" Shelby wasn't in the mood to back down and with her sleep deprivation and stress Lexi wasn't thinking clear enough to avoid her.

"That's my business, so how about you mind yours," Lexi snapped trying to keep her pain in check.

"How about I help you with your calorie count?" Shelby stood up as if ready to fight.

Before things could escalate any further Trent put himself between the two girls.

"How about you two cool it, before Peter or Sophie walks by," Trent knew no matter how tough Lexi was she was in no shape to try and take Shelby.

"Whatever," both girls mumbled and finished their meals in peace.

As they all walked to the pavilion Lexi and Shelby couldn't help but throw death glares each others way.

"Ok gang let's hear it," Peter shouted as he and Jeff the ridge runners councilor came over to grade the projects.

"Come on Meat," Auggie said as he and Scoot went up to the front.

Lexi was trying really hard to listen to their proposal for gay adoption but something kept pulling her attention away.

She could see herself as a little girl a bloody knife on the floor next to her father, Auggie and Scott coming in and out of focus. All those damn eggs she was sure were getting to her, she didn't know how long she could stay in control as Shelby went up to give her presentation. All of a sudden she could see him again leading her up stairs, they were holding hands, and she hadn't seen the knife yet. Wait, she thought when did Ezra go up to the front with Shelby. Everything was blurring and her heart began to race as Trent started his rant on being an only child, there was just so much blood and she couldn't move she saw it all. Wait when did Juliette go up? She thought Trent was at the front. Lexi pinched herself hard on the arm bringing herself back to see Daisy storm over to Peter.

"Here," Daisy said thrusting her paper to Peter.

"Daisy these pages are blank," Peter looked at her in a confused yet caring way.

"So is my soul," Lexi was barely holding it all in as Jeff called Daisy's name.

"We got a second opinion," he said handing her a carton of eggs.

"I'm not baron?" Daisy asked with hope on her face.

Lexi hadn't noticed she had stood up, she was numb.

Peter spoke in a soft tone, "Take as many as you want."

Before she could stop herself Lexi had ripped the egg carton out of Daisy's hands.

"NO! IT'S NOT FAIR!" she screamed throwing the carton to the ground.

"Lexi?" she couldn't even hear Peter not that she cared at that moment.

"NO! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE ARE NO SECOND OPINIONS!" she sank to the ground crying, she had finally lost it and every one was staring at her.

Before she knew it all the Cliffhangers were around her in a circle.

"What's wrong with her god can't she ever be normal,"

"Scott not now," Peter shouted as he threw the blonde a warning glance.

"Lexi where are you right now? What's going on? Let us in," Peter tried to pull her into a side hug.

"NO! Don't touch me I'm poison. I can't do it anymore, I can't keep it in, he didn't mean to you go to believe me," At that moment Trent knew exactly what she was talking about and pulled her reluctantly into a hug.

"Carrot-cake listen to me," He whispered trying to calm her, "you need to tell them they can help I know it hurts but you need to tell them or it's gonna eat at you forever."

Lexi knew she was defeated and tried to take as many deep breaths as she could before trying to explain.

"But what if you hate me?" she looked into Trent's face and all she saw was her protector and his comforting smile.

"I already know it's them you need to tell."

"You don't know it all," she could see the shock in his eyes and was afraid he would hate her.

"Then tell me whatever it is we can figure it out alright?" He said softly kissing her fore-head.

Lexi nodded taking several more deep breaths before continuing.

"When I was six almost seven my dad died," She started.

"Yeah we know," Shelby started as the entire group except Lexi threw her an evil eye.

"He was a schizophrenic, you know he heard voices no one else could," she tried to keep control but the tears started to flow again.

"It's ok Lexi take your time," Peter softly encouraged.

"He hated taking his pills cuz they made it hard for him to paint, that's what he did for a living he was a painter. So he went off his medication for almost a year and I knew and I kept it quiet. I thought I was helping. You know I could hear him mumbling or shouting to thin air but he made me promise that I wouldn't tell and I didn't. He was fine; I needed him to be fine. It's funny the way he died not funny haha but funny in a life sucks sort of way," Lexi chuckled slightly through her sobs."

"You're doing great," Trent encouraged from her side.

"My dad picked Trent and I up from school on a Tuesday, which I thought was weird because Tuesday wasn't his day to pick us up it, was Trent's dad's day. But there he was and he took us out for ice cream and it seemed fine he seemed fine," Lexi could see everything flooding back to her but pressed on, "When we got back to the house Trent went to use the phone to call his dad and my dad took my hand and told me to follow him, so I did. We went upstairs to my bedroom, I didn't see the knife. When we both inside he closed and locked my door, I couldn't understand what he was doing, I thought it was a game when he asked me to lie down on my bed," Lexi hung her head trying to catch her breath trying to remember without completely breaking down.

"Lex you need this," Trent said squeezing her hand.

"I know," She said looking up from the ground, "once I was lying down on the bed he tied my arms tight, one to each bed post, and then he started talking to God, I couldn't quite understand him. He kept talking about how he was going to cleanse us both how he was going to save us from Satan; he started yelling about me being pregnant with Satan's child how he had to purify us so we could go to heaven. Then I saw the knife it was from our kitchen the one he used every night to fix dinner. He held it above me and I tried to scream but nothing came out I couldn't make anything come out, and then it hit me straight in the chest, it felt like I had sat in the cold for too long an icy sort of pain but I still couldn't say anything. It tugged a little coming out of my chest and then it came down again over and over and over again I couldn't stop it, all I could do was look into his eyes but there was nothing there. He stabbed me 36 times. 7 times in the chest, 9 times in the stomach, and then 20 times in my," Lexi did a hand wave over the other part that he stabbed. "Then after he was done with me he bent down and kissed me on the fore-head, before taking the knife and more stabbing and then slitting himself in the wrists than just slitting his wrists. I could hear Trent outside begging me to open the door and then nothing." Lexi threw her head into Trent's chest silently begging him to finish the story.

He understood with out a word, another reason she loved him, "I was pounding on the door with the phone in my hands and then I saw a pool of something red seep out of from under the door and I called 9-11. I thought she was dead and I knew he was when they brought out that black tarp thing. Luckily Lexi made it the doctors didn't know how with all the blood she lost and all the damage they thought she would die before she woke up. But she didn't she woke up two weeks later."

Lexi had finally looked around at the group, most of the guys looked like they were gonna be sick Shelby had a shock in her eyes that none of them had ever seen before and Juliette was crying.

"Can I ask you something?" Ezra timidly spoke up as if waking up from a bad dream.

"Yeah," Lexi was drying her eyes and blowing her nose on Trent's arm but she knew he would mind.

"What does this have to do with the egg, I mean it sucks a lot that you went through it and that your mom never let you talk about it but I'm confused about the egg," Ezra looked nervous mostly because Lexi looked as if she were about to crack for good.

It was the one thing she was hoping to avoid in the whole story even though she knew she had to. Had to tell Trent, "I can't have kids," she said feeling Trent's body shift.

"I'm sorry," She said looking into his beautiful Hazel eyes.

"Lexi when the doctors never told us, I mean there's no reason to be sorry but why? How?" Trent didn't know what to make of it he knew the story by heart, he had lived part of it but he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Almost three years ago," Lexi took in another deep breath and suddenly felt light headed for once wishing she had eaten her lunch, "Greg thought that I was pregnant, he took me down to the women's clinic told them that he needed them to abort the baby his slut daughter was carrying, and so the woman took me back to examine me. She said there was no way I was pregnant that I could never get pregnant that my tubes had been tied and even if they hadn't the scaring on my uterus would prevent me from ever carrying to full term," Lexi could feel the tears start again, "That's why I was so mad about that stupid egg project Peter I mean I know I didn't handle it well but I've had three years to deal with the fact that I'm never ever going to have children three years, to close the re-opened wounds. I couldn't do it because giving me that egg would be like putting a large steak or whatever kind food he liked in front of a starving Gandhi. It wasn't fair! It isn't fair!"

Lexi started to laugh to herself again which sent a shiver down Trent's spine, "And you know what the funny thing is, I can't blame him and I can't hate him because he was sick, and I knew it and if I had said something than this would have never happened none of it. This is my fault, I'm getting what I deserve," Lexi said in a cold tone.

"Do you really believe that Lexi that you deserve what happened to you that it was your fault?" Peter asked looking Lexi straight in the face.

"Yes cuz if it wasn't true than why would I do I feel so bad?"

"Lexi he was the adult in the situation and yeah he was sick but it wasn't your fault not for his sickness and not what he did," Peter was excited that she was really opening up but horribly sad at the things she had gone through, and he knew that there was still more, "Lexi we've talked about this in group and in one-on-one's and everywhere else you look here at Horizon you are responsible for you, there was no way you could have stopped your father you were six years old, he was the adult and he should have never asked you to keep his secret."

"Secrets and rules build a family, at least mine," Lexi hung her head as Daisy came over to hug and comfort her.

Sophie took her favorite spot on Peter's couch as he snuggled up with Lexi and Kat's files.

"So how did it go?" Peter asked in an exhausted tone.

"Good they started talking and Kat is done moping, so I'd say we made a good start," Sophie smiled, "What about you mountain man?"

Peter chuckled in an 'I'm so tired' sort of way as he retold the craziness of his afternoon.

"Peter that poor girl," Sophie had tears in her eyes.

"Yeah but I don't think that that's the only thing going on, there's something recent something on going I can see it in her eyes it's been there since her first day," Peter said looking at the Picture of Lexi that was attached to her file.

"Abuse? By who her step-father," Sophie said shuttering she just couldn't understand how parents could be so cruel.

"I think so Soph, but I can't do anything until she talks about it," Peter said as he closed Lexi's file.

"This job really sucks sometimes," Sophie admitted thinking more of the fact that she knew what Lexi was going through, she knew how painful it is to not be able to have children, even though no one especially not her Mountain man knew.

* * *

Now I totally thought of the no child thing before I knew about Sophie so I felt I had to put it in to stay true to my vision. I hope you liked it please read and respond. I should be posting chapter 6 soon.

--- Sadclown18


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- I don't own any part of higher ground, which totally sucks but I accept it. I do however own Lexi and her family and Trent and his family. I have used parts of episodes or at least referred to episodes to give a timeline.

"Can I read it?" Lexi jumped at Trent's voice.

"Aren't we sneaky today," Lexi joked as Trent plopped down next to her on the couch.

"I try. So what are you writing?" Trent asked playfully grabbing at Lexi's journal.

"None of your business," She said pulling the journal slightly out of his grasp.

"Please," Trent said giving Lexi his deadliest puppy dog eyes.

"It's just a poem nosy butt," Lexi felt her heart flutter as she looked into his sweet face.

"Will you read it to me?" Trent asked expecting her to turn him down flat.

"Fine," Lexi rolled her eyes as Trent's mouth dramatically fell open, "what? Don't look so shocked," Lexi pretended to be offended.

"I'm not shocked, I'm honored," They both laughed as Lexi cleared her throat, Trent turned to face her.

"Bare with me it's not done yet or good enough for anyone to hear yet," Lexi frowned as she looked down into her journal.

"Lexi, you're great at just about everything," Trent blushed as he pulled her head up, his fingers lightly resting on her chin.

"Whatever, just don't laugh alright."

"I would never," Trent lied as Lexi threw him a 'like I really believe that' look, "Just read it."

_**"It doesn't have a title…"**_

_**Lexi took**__** in a deep breath as she start**__**ed**__** her poem.**_

_**Lexi-**_

_**I awoke in a patch**__** of lilies,**_

_**And **__**they would not take me as their own,**_

_**I awoke in a field of pure white,**_

_**And my blemishes stood alone.**_

_**All around me stood perfection,**_

_**Though I was a wilted mess,**_

_**All around me stood judgment,**_

_**And I could not pass their tests.**_

_**Impurity **__**runs through her**__** veins,**_

_**One lily did cry out,**_

_**She is tainted**____** send her away,**_

___**All the others began to shout.**_

___**I **__**headed toward the garden gates,**_

___**Slowly taking the sunlight in,**_

___**My scarlet petals glowing,**_

___**Revealing every sin.**_

Lexi looked up from her poem to a concerned Trent.

"That's all I have so far what do you think?"

"It's disturbing," Trent furrowed his brow at her making Lexi's defenses go up.

"Well we do go to a school for social rejects," Lexi joked trying to make Trent smile.

"What's it about?" Trent said trying to shake the images the poem gave him from his head.

"I don't know, it's just a dream I had," Lying to Trent for his own good again. Lexi knew it was more than a dream knew it was more than a poem.

"God I would hate to be you when you sleep," Trent joked.

"Hey," Lexi giggled as she punched him in the arm, "I've been doing really well, two weeks no screaming. High-five me!"

Lexi laughed as she gave Trent an air high-five.

"I'm very proud of you," Trent sneaked a kiss onto Lexi's cheek.

"Trent! You can't do that, we talked about this," Lexi tried to ignore the butterflies his kiss gave her.

"I know but I just can't help it Lex, you're just so perfect," Trent smiled as he grabbed her hands.

Pulling away slowly, "I'm not even close," Lexi put a little distance between her and Trent on the couch.

"Are you nervous?" Trent asked knowing the answer without her even opening her mouth.

"You know I am, I mean I gained 7lbs I look like a cow, you know how much they hate fat people," Lexi said reminding Trent of the assistant her mother had fired for not being able to 'lose the baby weight'.

"Lex you're beautiful," Trent said blushing, "You are in no way, shape, or form fat."

"Ok," Lexi rolled her eyes, "You watch that will be the first thing out of Greg's mouth."

"Well Greg is kind of a jerk," Trent had always hated Greg mainly because once Lexi's mother married him, Trent wasn't allowed over to the house anymore, which meant he had no where to escape from his mom.

"What if they try to take me home?" Trent could see the worry flood over Lexi's face.

"They won't, they can't, I won't let them, that simple," Trent tried to put on his best smile even though he had been wondering the same thing, "Listen, you've survived your father, my mother, a drug addiction, being busted for selling, being sent here, having Peter on your back all the time, plus that nasty storm we had the other day, I'm pretty sure you can survive this one weekend, besides you've got me here with you."

Lexi smiled a little, "I guess you're right," she was still nervous that in less than 24 hours He would be there, in her sanctuary.

"I'm getting tired you want to walk me home?"

"Sure, but are you sure your ok?" Trent asked as he and Lexi gathered their things.

"I'm fine, just tired," Lexi was almost positive that something was going to go wrong but didn't want to worry Trent more than he normally was.

Lexi wished that everything could stay like it was on their walk to the dorms forever.

"Hey Lexi you two done making out for the night?" Shelby smirked as her group mate walked into the cabin.

"Shut up Shelby," Lexi smiled as she headed to her bed, "I thought having a boyfriend was supposed to make you less bitter."

In the two weeks since Lexi's melt down Scott and Juliette broke up leaving Auggie sick with love for Juliette and Scott and Shelby mysteriously pairing off.

"I'm not bitter, just curious," Shelby smiled as all the girls headed for the bathroom.

"Whatever don't you two have anything better to argue about?" Juliette headed to her normal sink, in an oddly foul mood.

"What's your deal Jules?" Lexi went to the only full length mirror, lifting up her shirt to reveal her extremely thin mid-section.

"Nothing," Everyone gave Juliette a sideways glance, "What? Nothing is wrong!"

"Ok Queenie if you say so," Shelby said as she washed her face.

"Not helping Shel," Kat said giving Shelby the evil eye, "seriously Jules what's going on? Is it your mom?"

"She just makes me feel so bad about myself when she calls," Jules said as she brushed her beautiful brown hair.

"She can only make you feel bad if you let her," Daisy called from the other room, "Lex, this came for you."

"What is it?" Lexi said pulling her shirt down and taking the letter Daisy brought from the bathroom.

"What does it look like Bones? It's a letter." Shelby called in between brushing her teeth.

"Thanks," Lexi answered as she opened the letter. After she closed the letter she went back to the mirror and started pinching her non existent fat, trying to keep the tears back.

"Are you alright? You kind of look like someone killed your puppy," Shelby asked as she watched Lexi pinch her self several times.

"Why do you care?" Lexi snapped not in the mood for Shelby's crap.

"I was just asking, if you don't want to tell me than…"

"The letter was from Phee, her and my mom are going to China tomorrow so my step-dad is the only one coming upon Friday, happy," Lexi couldn't believe what was happening she couldn't understand why her mother hated her.

"Sorry Lex, I know you wanted to see her," Juliette started in a sugar sweet tone that Lexi didn't cared for, "but look on the bright side at least one of your parents is coming to visit."

"Yeah just what I always wanted," Lexi started sounding almost as sarcastic as Shelby, "A whole weekend with Greg," Lexi's skin was starting to turn red from her pinches.

"God, I can't believe how fat I got here, he's gonna kill me," Lexi shouted finally pulling down her shirt.

"You're kidding right?" Shelby started finishing up at her mirror, "Lexi to be honest you kind of look sick like die at any moment sick, I mean we can see every bone."

"No I look like a total cow, God I could feed an entire third world country," Lexi said as her face flushed a funny red color.

"Lexi you shouldn't let them get to you, I mean I understand, how you feel," Juliette started…

"Jules that's the second time tonight you said 'I understand or I know', and to be honest you don't know, you and your sugar sweet bull! You have no clue; you live in a friggin' fairytale!"

"I was trying to help, why do you have to be so mean?! Ugh you're as bad as Shelby," Juliette stormed out of the bathroom.

"You know what!" Lexi started following her, "It doesn't even matter what you think, I've never really like any of you!" she lied trying to push her group away.

"Lex, I'm sure you don't mean that," Kat looked hurt but slightly understanding, "You're just nervous and tired we should all get some sleep."

Lexi stood in the middle of the room for a moment, taking in each girl as if burning her surroundings and her friends into her memory.

"You guys, Jules, I'm sorry Kat's right I didn't mean it and I hope you can forgive me," Lexi said trying to hold back the tears. She was convinced that after His visit she would never see Horizon again and the last thing she wanted to do was leave on bad terms.

"It's fine," Jules spoke up in a less sugary voice, "and even if you don't want to hear it I understand some things."

"I know you do Jules," Lexi had never been one for hugging but when Juliette came over to her she couldn't hold herself back.

Lexi could tell that she was in for a long night.

"Lex, wake up," Kat shouted from the door, "come on it's almost time for breakfast, wake up."

"What?"

"Get up lazy bones, if we're late for breakfast we're gonna get dishes," Lexi heard Kat's voice trail off as the door shut loudly.

"Crap!" Lexi shouted mainly to herself. She didn't remember falling asleep, but apparently she had gotten a good two hours of sleep.

"Hey look who decided to get up this morning," Scott laughed as he devoured his bacon.

"Funny," Lexi could tell she looked ridiculous without even looking in a mirror.

"Dude where's your food?" Scott took a pause from his own tray to notice that Lexi didn't have one.

"Not hungry," Lexi smiled grabbing a single apple out of her backpack.

"Lex you know if Peter catches you he's going to put you on restrictions," Juliette chimed in for the hundredth time on the subject. Lexi had half a mind to tell her to shove it but thought better of it.

Lexi smiled as she took a miniscule bite of her apple.

"It's not gonna work," Kat said in a singsong voice, that seemed slightly out of character for Kat.

"I have no clue what you're talking about," Lexi lied before taking another tiny bite out of her apple.

"Please," Kat rolled her eyes, "It didn't work for me so it's definitely not going to work for you."

"Can one of you fill the rest of us in?" Ezra asked setting down the book he was reading.

"Lexi is trying to get put on restrictions so she won't have to see her step-dad," Kat finished in her normal know it all sort of tone.

"Wait? I thought you wanted to see your mom remember, us laughing at her out here in nature," Trent said as he nudged Lexi's arm.

"She's not coming," Lexi said getting up to throw her apple in the trash.

"That's whack," Auggie stated as Lexi sat back down, "didn't your mom like force Peter to let her come up."

"Yep"

"And now she isn't coming," Auggie's parents had always been good to him so he didn't understand why the others hated visits.

"Yep… I'm not surprised though," Lexi said with a definite bitter tone in her voice.

"Sorry Lex," Trent said putting his arm around Lexi.

"It's fine, I knew she wouldn't show up," Lexi said as she got up from the table, "I'll see you guys in class."

"What is her deal all the time?" Scott asked as soon as Lexi was out of the room.

"What's your deal?" Trent said as he went all red in the face.

"Dude calm down I was just asking."

"Well don't alright, she's just nervous," Trent was on nerves were shot at the thought that Greg might take Lexi home with him.

"Whatever," Scott said as he returned to his breakfast.

As soon as Lexi left Honors English a slimy feeling came over her. Lexi couldn't help but feel as if a thousand hands were caressing her skin, hands that had no business touching her. She knew He was there, that he had come early. Lexi walked slowly towards her cabin trying to will away the feeling of perversion that was quickly closing in on her.

"Hey Pooh bear," A familiar name called from behind her. Lexi's heart almost stopped and she knew that no one could save her.

"Good afternoon Sir," Lexi said meekly as she slowly turned and faced her doom.

"You've filled out some," Greg said in a disappointed tone which made Lexi go red.

"Lexi had been doing rather well, she's gained about 7lbs since she's been here," Peter said proudly.

"It's a shame, nobody likes a fatty," Greg whispered so Peter had to strain to hear him, "are you just gonna stand there or are you going to give me hug?" He said with a bone chilling smile on his face.

As Lexi approached the slightly muscular man with strong hands and a quivering mustache she felt a surge of pain go through her body. As he embraced her Peter noticed a mixture of fear and shame creep into Lexi's eyes.

"Why don't you and Trent show your stepdad around, k Lex?" Peter said trying desperately to break up the disturbingly long hug.

Lexi nodded in relief. As Greg released her from the hug Lexi noticed him smelling her as if he were a dog trying to figure out how to remark his territory. His hands slowly brushed against her in a seemingly innocent way, Lexi however knew differently, he was trying to get a feel for the merchandise, feel how much he changed. Lexi thought she might vomit.

Peter didn't want to leave Lexi alone with Greg if he didn't have to.

"How have you been Pooh bear?" Greg slowly put his arm around Lexi as soon as they were out of site of Peter.

"Fine," Lexi had almost forgotten how her skin burned when he touched her.

"You remembered the rules while you were here right?" He said in an almost threatening tone.

"Yes Sir." It had always amazed Lexi how he could threaten her with a smile on his face.

"Good girl," Greg started when Lexi spotted the only person that could help her at that moment.

"Trent! Lexi shouted as she ran out from under Greg's arm. She knew she would pay for that later but she was just excited to have Trent with her, she was glad to be protected in a way.

"Hey Carrot-cake, what's shaking," Trent didn't even notice Greg standing a few yards away.

"Peter wants you to help me show Greg around," Lexi slightly tilted her head back in Greg's direction so only Trent saw the motion.

"Wow," was all Trent could manage, Greg looked even weirder than he had remembered.

"No hugs, stay at least arms length away, and don't even try to kiss me." Lexi said throwing a smiling Trent a warning glare.

Trent nodded and tried to look as innocent as possible.

"Are you two going to just stand there Pooh bear? Or are you going to show me around?" Lexi could tell Greg didn't like Trent being so close to her, to him she was property something he owned.

"Sorry Sir."

Lexi and Trent showed Mr. Harper every part of the school before Peter came back to save them both.

"I hope Lexi and Trent gave you the grand tour Mr. Harper," Peter tried to act as casual as possible, but inside just wanted to punch Lexi's Step-dad.

"They did a fine job," Greg had sat his hand firmly on Lexi's shoulder and plastered his signature greasy smile on his face.

"Well you two it's almost time for dinner so Lexi I'm going to need you to say goodnight," Peter became an instant hero in Lexi's eyes.

"So early I mean Lexi and I didn't even get a chance to catch up yet," The way that he said catch up made Lexi's skin crawl. She could only imagine how he wanted to 'catch up' with her.

"I understand that Mr. Harper and you have the whole day tomorrow to spend time with Lexi, we have a rock climbing session and group therapy that you can attend. You could meet the rest of Lexi's group and then if Lexi wants to the two of you can go out to dinner," Peter automatically regretted his last statement as a twinkle of hope appeared in Greg's eyes.

"All right that sounds like a good idea," Mr. Harper smile as he pulled Lexi into another uncomfortable hug. Trent just watched in confusion and slight disgust as Mr. Harper gave Lexi a small kiss on the cheek. It was the same cheek that just the night before Trent himself had kissed. Lexi twinged with fear as he pulled away, she felt lucky to not be bleeding, she felt lucky to have Peter around.

"I told you the first thing he was going to mention was my weight," Lexi said in a matter of fact voice as she cut all her food into tiny pieces at the Cliffhanger's table.

"Wait what?" Ezra spoke up before Trent could answer.

"One of the first things he said was and I quote, 'you've filled out some, it's a shame nobody likes a fatty'."

"Your stepdad said that to you?" Auggie asked in between throwing Juliette longing glances, "That's Whack man."

"It's whatever," Lexi said in the saddest voice any of them had ever heard her use.

"And I thought my mom was rough," Juliette joked thinking about her own mother who had never told her to be thin but had always silently demanded it.

"You know what, I'm sorry I brought it up," Lexi had just begun to attempt to eat her chicken when Sophie came to the table.

"Hey, Lex Peter wants to meet with you in his office after dinner, which means after you've eaten everything alright?" Sophie said with a loving yet firm smile.

"Fine," Lexi knew exactly what Peter wanted and for once she thought she might actually give it to him. She wanted to tell him so badly, tell him what they both knew but neither could say.

Lexi weighed all the pros and cons as she slowly walked to Peter's office. On one hand she had coming clean and possibly being murdered and on the other she had not telling and possibly living like a slave the rest of her life.

"Come in," Peter sat with his back to the door as Lexi lightly knocked on the door frame, "Hey Lexi why don't you have a seat.

Something in Peter's voice calmed Lexi's nerves, "You wanted to see me," Lexi took her normal seat on Peter's couch close to the corner, something about that part of his office that little corner made her feel comfortable.

"You're not in trouble," Peter joked noticing how tense Lexi looked, "I called you here so we could touch base about this visit, maybe come clean about a few things."

"Ok," Lexi said with her eyes glued to the floor.

"How are you coping with him being here? I know you haven't always gotten along in the past and that you were expecting your mother as well," Peter started as Lexi counted the grains of wood in the floor boards.

"I'm fine Peter, I knew she wasn't going to come she never shows. I mean I would have been rather upset if I hadn't have gotten that letter yesterday," Lexi could see the question mark growing on Peter's face and headed him off quickly, "Phee wrote to tell me her and my mother were going to China today."

"Lexi I want to talk about you and your step-fathers relationship," Peter expected Lexi to storm out of the room but to his surprise she stayed exactly where she was, he hoped she was finally ready to open up.

"What about it?"

"Lexi I know I've asked you several times if someone at home was hurting you, now I'm asking and I want you to be honest, is Greg hurting you, maybe touching you inappropriately?"

Lexi sat and thought for a good while just staring at the floor replaying the options in her mind over and over again. Talk and die, follow the rules live.

"No," Lexi instantly regretted her decision as Peter's head fell, they both knew she was lying but the thought of dying by Greg's hand seemed like a good reason to lie.

"Lexi I can't force you to tell me anything, I just want you to know that I'm always here if you need me," Peter could tell Lexi was scared but as long as she kept him in the dark he could do nothing to ease her fears.

"Thanks for everything Peter," Lexi said as she slowly got up and made her way to the door.

Lexi walked leisurely through the grounds memorizing every tree and every rock until she came to the tree her and Trent had marked as their own. She thought she had escaped the monster but he found her and when he hugged her or kissed her it felt like the first time all over again, like she was nine when he first crept around corners and slipped between sheets, where she knew he didn't belong but had no power to make him leave.

"There you…" Trent began before he tripped over a rock.

"Smooth," Lexi joked as he made his way towards her.

"Whatcha doing'?" Trent inspected the rip in the knee of his jeans as he slid down the trunk of the large tree to join her.

"Thinking about the weeping willow tree," Lexi smiled as the image of a younger Trent lying on the ground with his head in her lap as she read 'The Cat in the Hat' to the leaves that sheltered them.

"I love that tree," Trent pushed the tears back as the memory of the last time he had been at that tree flooded his mind, "Carrot-cake?"

"Sweet-potato?" Lexi mocked not noticing the seriousness in his tone.

"Why didn't you show up that night?"

Lexi's heart suddenly dropped and she didn't need him to finish because she knew exactly what night he was talking about. Lexi had hoped they would never have to talk about the night they were supposed to run but never got the chance to the night that Trent OD.

""I wish I would've been there," Lexi started before being cut off by a slightly peeved Trent.

"Well than why weren't you Lex, I mean I taught extra lessons, and you started selling so we could run and get away from them all. Why weren't you there?!"

"I wanted to be there Trent, I wanted to run with you so bad," Lexi started again.

"Then why weren't you?!?!?" Lexi had never heard Trent yell before, and she knew that she had to tell him.

"I got caught alright," Lexi yelled, "Greg took all the money and then roughed me up a little, when I woke up you were already in the hospital."

Trent's eyes widened as Lexi began sobbing on his shoulder.

"He roughed you up a little? What does that mean a little?" Trent couldn't believe what he had heard.

"It was my fault Trent I should've never tried to run," Lexi couldn't stop the tears from coming as Trent put his arms around her, "I'm sorry it's all my fault the coke, your overdose, you being here, I'm sorry I ruined everything."

"Shh… It's ok Lex it's fine, It's not your fault," After a while Trent took Lexi by the shoulders so she would have to look him in the eyes, "Lexi, does Greg hit you, you know like my mom hits me?"

In all the time they'd known each other they had never really discussed Lexi and Greg's relationship in depth.

"No, he's a kitten compared to your mom," Lexi lied trying to put Trent's growing fears at ease. In truth Greg was as much of a kitten as Hitler was as far as Lexi was concerned.

"Why do I feel like your not telling me everything?"

Lexi shrugged she knew that she could never tell him the truth, that he would hate her if he knew.

"Come on it's going to be lights out in a little while."

"Lex we have two hours before lights out," Trent said as Lexi jumped out of his arms and headed towards the cabins.

"Well I'm tired, will you walk me back?" Lexi avoided his eyes the entire way back to the dorms and then hurried inside without giving him a hug.

"What did Peter want?" Juliette asked as Lexi came in the door.

Lexi Laid down on her bed and ignored everything around her including Juliette and her never ending mouth.

The day had been pretty uneventful, up till about dinner time. The Cliffhanger's climbed the rock wall, had group therapy, as if it were a normal Saturday. Lexi could tell that Greg was eyeing her as she climbed the rock wall she could feel a filmy layer rest heavily upon her back each step she took. Lexi hated having him there, he made Horizon dirty somehow, he made everything he touched or looked at dirty.

Towards the end of the day everyone had their own opinion on Lexi's Step-dad.

"I think he's nice," Juliette smiled as Lexi got into the back of Greg's car.

"You think everyone's nice," Shelby snapped back, she had a bad feeling about letting Lexi go off with her step-dad.

"Yeah he's kind of creepy," Scott said as he put his arm around Shelby's shoulder.

"What do you think?" Auggie asked a slightly hurt and confused Trent.

"I don't know she acts different when he's around," Lexi had ignored him the entire day and didn't invite him to dinner.

"Trent's right, she was acting weird today like, like…"

"She's afraid," Daisy finished Ezra's sentence as the car drove off.

As her friends grew smaller and smaller out the back window Lexi's hope also shrank.

"I missed you Pooh bear," Greg smiled at her through the rearview mirror.

Lexi pinched herself on the arm praying that it was one of her nightmares, to no avail.

"Lexi have you been a good girl?" Lexi's skin crawled with every syllable as she nodded making sure not to look directly at him.

"Sweetheart, why aren't you speaking? I said have you been a good girl?" Lexi could hear the frustration building in her voice.

"Yes, sir."

"Don't lie to me, you little slut, I saw that boy eyeing you. Now I'm only going to repeat myself one more time and if you lie to me again I will pull this car over right now. Have you been a good girl?" Lexi knew she was trapped either way she was lying.

"No sir," Lexi tried to hold back the tears that were forming; she hadn't felt so scared in what felt like forever.

"I didn't think so," Greg said throwing her a devious smile, "That's ok no one will ever love you like daddy does."

They sat in silence the rest of the way to O'Brian's restaurant in the town of Agnus which was the only town near Horizon.

As they sat at the table farthest from the door Lexi could feel Greg's eye's sweeping her up and down in both disapproval and longing.

"I thought you had more discipline Lexi. Look how disgusting you look, is that a double chin?" Greg hid his eyes under the menu in disgust.

"I'm sorry," Lexi said feeling under her chin; she couldn't feel the fat but knew if he saw it than it had to be there.

"Hello what can I get for you two this evening?" An Asian woman that sort of reminded Lexi of Juliette asked.

"She'll have a little lettuce if that's no trouble, oh and a diet coke," Greg said taking Lexi's menu away before turning to his own, "and I'll have a stake."

The rather tall Asian woman looked at Lexi as if she was the one in need of a stake, "Would you like any dressing miss?"

"No, she doesn't need any," Greg interrupted.

"So what do you learn at this school?" Greg asked as he cut into his steak.

"Well, I take health, Honors English, Science, Art, History, things like that," Lexi couldn't believe that they were actually having what seemed like a normal conversation.

"I see and what about the other things like that 'group therapy' thing I sat in on, what do you talk about there?" Lexi suddenly felt there conversation take a nasty turn.

"Nothing, sir,"

"Are you lying to me? Because you know how I feel about liars," Greg's hold on his stake knife tightened making Lexi's heart race.

"No sir," Lexi knew there had been a reason she had never told and that knife in his hand was it. Lexi had never forgotten the day Greg grabbed a kitchen knife and held it to her throat. She could hear his voice in her head in a calm and relaxed voice, 'if you ever break our rules Pooh bear, I will slit your throat'.

"Good girl," Greg placed his hand on hers and stroking it ever so gently. Lexi knew what he wanted.

Neither of them had finished their meal before Greg sat the money down on the table and hurried Lexi back out to the car.

"Front seat now," He shouted as Lexi headed towards the back of the expensive rental.

As they drove along the roads of Agnus back towards the school Lexi got the feeling again that after Sunday she would never see Horizon or anyone there again.

"I've missed you," Greg said as he took one hand off of the steering wheel and slid up Lexi's skirt, resting it on her bare knee. Lexi could hardly breathe as his hand moved slowly upward towards her underwear and what lies beneath.

"There's a park up a head right before the school did you know that?" Greg had a sickeningly chipper sound in his voice.

"No, sir," Lexi looked out the window hoping in vain that he would take her straight back to Horizon.

"We can get 'reacquainted'. Nobody can love you like daddy does and no one will ever want you," He said slide his hand further up her thigh than back down again making Lexi jump slightly, "you're mine… forever."

They parked underneath a large tree at the beginning of a hiking trail that was littered with trees. After walking for about fifteen minutes Greg pushed Lexi against a tree.

"This will be perfect," He smiled as he took his time unbuttoning Lexi's blouse.

Lexi learned at a young age not to cry or make any noise, she knew that it would only make him angry; it would only make it last longer and hurt more.

"This is how daddies are supposed to love their little girls," Greg whispered as he yanked down Lexi's skirt tearing it slightly.

Lexi felt him stiffen against her bare lower half as her mind took her somewhere else. Lexi could feel him inside of her even though her mind was back at Horizon during a football game in the main yards, Cliffhangers VS. Trackers. Lexi watched the entire game in her mind and just as Scott was about to score the winning touch down…

"Clean yourself up," Greg leaned in and licked the side of her neck, "That was for your boyfriend."

"Peter why aren't they back yet? They were supposed to be back ten minutes ago," Sophie paced on the lawn in front of the administration building while Peter sat on the steps both waiting for Lexi to return.

"I don't know Soph, just calm down they'll be back soon," Peter had a really bad feeling about why they were late but didn't want to worry Sophie any more than she was already.

"Why did she go with him? I mean I know why she went; he's her family sort of, but why? Peter why didn't we stop her?" Sophie's pacing became frantic as she checked her watch for the twelfth time since she realized they were late."Sophie please come sit down. She's going to be fine and we didn't stop her because we couldn't, there was no reason to she wouldn't tell me anything," Peter hoped to God that she was fine both for her safety and the safety of her stepdad.

"We should have put her on restrictions or something"

"Running away isn't going to help her, we can't shield her from everything Sophie we can't help her if she doesn't want our help."

"Do you think he's gonna try and take her?" Sophie looked up into Peter's brown eyes as he put a comforting arm around her.

"I think that's what Lexi thinks, she's been so stressed this entire week."

"Do you think she's gonna run?"

Peter felt uncomfortably confident in his answer as the blue rental car came down the drive, "No."

"Now you remember our rules?" Greg asked as the school came into view at the bottom of the hill.

"Yes sir," Lexi fixed her hair and straightened out her skirt completely.

"Good girl, now I want you to be ready in the morning."

Lexi had prayed that she heard him wrong; her worst fear was becoming a reality.

"Yes, sir," Lexi choked out.

Lexi wondered why he hadn't just waited and then it hit her, he wanted to own it everything that was hers. Her body was his, Horizon was now his, any thing she had for herself he wanted he needed.

"Did you two have fun?" Sophie looked Lexi up and down trying to pretend she hadn't had a minor heart-attack waiting.

"Yes," Lexi said in the smallest voice possible.

"That's good," as Peter patted her on the shoulder he noticed an instant sort of shrink back as if she were afraid he'd hurt her, "Is everything alright Lexi?"

"Yep," Lexi faked a smile, "I'm just tired."

"Alright, Lexi why don't you say goodnight to your stepfather," Peter stayed very close bye as Greg gave Lexi a goodnight hug, "Will we be seeing you tomorrow Mr. Harper?"

"Only briefly, as I load Lexi's things into the car."

"Sophie why don't you walk Lexi back to her dorm, while I have a chat with Mr. Harper," Lexi had never quite heard that tone in Peter's voice before. Normally his voice was firm yet comforting, but Lexi heard something that was a mixture of anger and fear.

"Alright, you're the boss," Sophie swung an arm gently around Lexi's shoulders and guided her back toward her cabin.

On the way back Sophie could tell that Lexi was shaken by something but she couldn't tell if it was just the news of going home or something else.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine," Lexi answered in a hollowed voice as if there was nothing left inside of her, as if she had given up.

"Lexi I know it's hard but you have to have hope," Sophie knew if anyone could change Lexi's stepdad's mind it was Peter.

"I know Sophie I just want to go to bed," Lexi said as she opened the door to her cabin.

"Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow," Sophie said as she left Lexi in the door way.

Lexi nodded her head and headed into her dorm.

Lexi was glad to see no one had come back yet, the last thing she needed was to listen to Jules ask a million ridicules questions.

"I need a shower," Lexi said softly to her self.

Lexi locked the door behind herself and turned the heat on to the highest heat it would go. Lexi fell to the floor of the shower, as she brought her knees to her chest she heard a noise in the main room but didn't care. She couldn't care about anything anymore, she couldn't feel anything. Even the almost boiling water didn't faze her, inside she felt dead and outside she was numb. Lexi sat in the shower thinking until Shelby knocked on the door.

"Bones open up you've been in there for an hour."

When Lexi opened the door Peter was sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Lex, we need to talk," Peter started as Lexi grabbed underneath her bed for her suitcases.

"I understand Peter, it's ok really," Lexi's distant voice gave Peter the chills, he had never heard her sound so empty before.

"Lexi, talk to me give me something, please, I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

"I know, but I can't ever so I have to go," When she looked into Peter's eyes she felt something stir inside her just a little bit.

"Wait what's she talking about?" Juliette asked setting down her mail.

Peter just looked at Lexi, "I have to go home Jules, my stepdad is taking me home."

"Aren't you lucky?" Shelby joked instantly realizing from the glare Peter was giving her that it wasn't a good thing, "Well this sucks."

"I'm going to leave you to pack," Peter bent into give her a hug but Lexi pulled away confirming his suspicion.

"See you tomorrow," Lexi changed into her pajamas and put a pillow over head to avoid anymore questions.

In the middle of the night every feeling she had came back to her and the only person she knew who could make the hurt go away was Trent.

"Are you awake?" Lexi sat down on his bed and watched him stir slightly in his sleep, before she shook him again.

"Lex?" Trent started not realizing what was going on, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," Lexi whispered in his ear, "I'm ready."

Lexi slowly pulled up the covers on his bed and got in next to a very groggy and confused Trent.

"What are you doing?" Trent said sitting up slightly.

"I told you I'm ready," Lexi leaned in and kissed Trent. Trent didn't understand but was just happy to have her lips against his.

"Lex, I thought…"

"It's different, I'm different," Lexi told him as she began to remove his shirt.

"Lex?!"

"Shut up," Lexi said moving her hands lower and lower.

She had just reached her destination when Trent grabbed her hand away, "What is wrong with you?"

Lexi jumped out of the bed and ran to the door. Trent followed quickly behind her forgetting to put his shirt back on.

"What's wrong Lexi?" Trent finally caught up with her under their tree.

"You don't understand, you can't, but you have to!"

"Lex slow down you're talking way to fast. What don't I understand?" Trent had never seen Lexi like this before, not only was she hysterical but she was also talking crazy.

"I can't, I won't, and I'm bad real bad. I'm a bad girl, and I thought that if we, you know than it would make it better, maybe then he wouldn't want me, let me be, but that's silly and he was right no man will ever want me, it's never gonna be alright," Lexi could feel a panic attack coming but just couldn't stop herself, "I'm a bad girl, your never gonna love me, if you ever knew you would never love me."

"Lexi you are talking way too fast, what are you trying to say?" Trent moved a little closer too her but the minute he got with in's arm's length Lexi drew back closer to the tree.

"I love you, and I'm sorry. You need to go, I made it all bad you need to go," Lexi ran towards him and pushed him, he didn't go far because of how weak she was but he stumbled slightly.

"Lexi, I love you too and I can't leave you not like this," Trent grabbed Lexi and forced her into a hug.

"NO! You can't I'm bad I'm dirty, go away, go!" Lexi started hitting him over and over again, "Please go," Lexi pleaded as she backed away from Trent.

"I'm always gonna love you Lex, no matter how hard you try and push me away. Can we talk tomorrow?" Trent asked with a sad look in his eyes.

"Sure," Lexi tried to calm herself down, she knew he couldn't help no matter how badly she wanted him to.

With that Trent headed back to his bunk even more confused than he was before he left his bed.

Lexi didn't sleep at all that night. Instead of sleep Lexi packed almost all of her things. Lexi sat her journal on top of her violin case which was left next to her guitar as she carried her bag and box to the administration building.

"Hey you're early," Peter joked as Lexi sat on the stairs next to him.

"Peter can you tell everyone I'll miss them, even Scott and Shelby?" Tears had begun to fall down Lexi's face and for the first time ever she wished she could have that numb empty feeling back.

"You could tell them yourself," Peter suggested, "Or we could talk and maybe I could help you stay here, where it's safe."

"I left my journal, and my instruments can you make sure Trent gets them?" Lexi tried to ignore Peter's comments as she swiped at the falling tears.

"Lexi please, I can help I…"

All her walls had finally fallen, "Please don't make me go, Peter I promise I'll be better, I promise I won't hide food anymore or lie just please don't make me go," Lexi sobbed as Peter pulled her into a tight hug that she couldn't refuse, she was just too tired and too broken down. Neither of them noticed the car forming at the top of the hill.

"Lexi, you have to tell me what he does to you or I can't help…"

"Ok, just please don't make me go…"

"You ready Pooh bear?" Greg called from just outside the car ruining a perfectly good sort of father daughter moment.

"Mr. Harper I need a few moments alone with Lexi," Peter started pulling out of the hug, while Lexi sat petrified as if stone.

"You've had a month and a half with my daughter Mr. Scarborough and the only thing you've managed to do is make her, fat no more time, she's coming home now," Greg stated as he grabbed Lexi's stuff.

Lexi sadly got up from her seat and followed her stepdad over to the car realizing that it was a little too late.

"Bye Peter," Lexi called as she sadly got into the back seat of the car.

Just as Greg slammed the trunk shut Trent came running towards the admissions building looking for Peter.

"Wait? What's going on?" Trent screamed as Greg made his way to the driver's seat.

"Lexi has to go home Trent…"

"No! You can't let her something's wrong, that's why I came something's wrong."

Peter held Trent back as Greg started the car.

"What are you talking about?"

"She came to me last night Peter and something is not right, why she is going she can't," Trent cried as the car slowly pulled out of the drive way and towards the hill.

"Trent it's gonna be Ok calm down, it will be Ok," Peter held on as tight as he could as Trent cried and kicked trying to make his way towards the car.

Lexi took in Peter struggling with Trent as her last glimpse of Horizon as she prepared herself for the journey back to Hell.

-------------------------

I know this super long and I'm sorry for that, i hoped you loved it anyway. all reviews are appriciated and don't worry this isn't the end for Lexi.

--- Sadclown18


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer- I do not own anything except Lexi and her family and Trent and his family. High-five me. Owe P.S. thanks for the reviews so far, and I hope you all keep them coming, well I guess you three since no one else has responded. That's ok though, the show must go on.

_**Trent became overwhelmed as Lexi's voice filled his head…**_

_**Lexi**__**-**_

_**I awoke in a patch of lilies,**_

_**And they would not take me as their own,**_

_**I awoke in a field of pure white,**_

_**And my blemishes stood alone.**_

_**All around me stood perfection,**_

_**Though I was a wilted mess,**_

_**All around me stood judgment,**_

_**And I could not pass their tests.**_

_**Impurity runs through her veins,**_

_**One lily did cry out,**_

_**She is tainted, send her away,**_

_**All the others began to shout.**_

_**I headed toward the garden gates,**_

_**Slowly taking the sunlight in,**_

_**My scarlet petals glowing,**_

_**Revealing every sin.**_

_**The gardener reached out his hand,**_

_**Foolishly I accepted,**_

_**As he caressed every petal,**_

_**I remembered how I became so wilted.**_

_**Hidden in the dark so long,**_

_**Waiting for the sun,**_

_**Knowing I belonged to him,**_

_**His prized possession, in a garden of one.**_

_** Impurity runs through my veins,**_

_**That much I know is true,**_

_**I am tainted in everyway,**_

_**And there is nothing anyone can do.**_

He had gone through the journal several times since she left, whenever anyone saw him, which was close to none, Lexi's journal was in his hands. Trent knew something was wrong, each time he read her last entry the poem with the lilies he got the feeling that he was never going to see her again.

"Why did she leave me this stupid journal if she wasn't going to tell me what was wrong? Oh, God, Lex where are you?" Trent cried softly as he set Lexi's journal gently on his lap as if it were made of crystal and could shatter at any moment.

"Yo, T. we challenged those actor jerks to a game of football you wanna play?" Auggie knew Trent had never really been an athletic guy but couldn't stand to see his friend mope around anymore.

"Nah man, I just need some time alone," Trent quickly wiped his eyes without even looking up from the journal.

"You sure man I mean we got Scott in too," Ezra jumped in. He knew Trent had been a little depressed about Lexi but being by himself all the time was kind of ridiculous.

"Yeah just uh, wipe the smug look off of the tall ones face for me," Trent looked up slightly and gave his friends a small smile, something none of them had seen since Lexi left.

"Can do," Auggie joked as he and the others filed out of the dorm.

"What am I gonna do?" Trent muttered to himself as he put the journal back on his desk.

Nothing made sense to him anymore, everything was a blur, he thought as he headed towards the bathroom.

After closing and locking the door, Trent slowly removed his shirt revealing fresh red marks over top old scars, "Nothing makes sense but you," he whispered to the broken fork he took from the cafeteria. His breathes became staggered as the cool metal made jagged lines on his skin. Everything faded away as he wiped at the blood dripping from his cuts, all the stress and fear over Lexi floated away from him.

"What was I thinking giving you up?" he smiled as he examined his new wounds in the mirror.

"Oh man you're lucky you didn't play," Auggie shouted on the other side of the door.

"Really," Trent said uneasily as he checked his watch and realized he had been in the bathroom for two hours.

"Yeah we lost," Auggie sadly admitted as he pulled off his muddy wife beater, "Someone dropped the ball."

"It was just a stupid game," Scott said in a defeated tone as Trent slowly passed his bed heading towards his own.

"What is with you Meat?" Auggie shouted from the bathroom, "Aren't you like some big football stud?"

"Nothings with me, Muchacho!" Scott said with a sarcasm that would make Shelby proud.

"How about we just forget it ok, like what Peter said, with whole comparing ourselves to others thing," Ezra jumped in as the voice of reason.

"Yeah whatever," Scott said bitterly.

"Yeah," Auggie agreed, he couldn't tell who had been acting weirder over the last month, Trent or Scott.

"Mail call," Jeff the Ridge Runners Counselor called from the door. Before he could read off the names Trent was at the door, praying for a letter from Lexi, "We've got Augusto, Scott, and Ezra. Sorry man nothing today," Jeff patted Trent on the shoulder before going back to his route.

"Lexi will write," Ezra said as he opened his letter from home, "Brace your selves' men."

"What are you talking about E-Z?" Auggie asked as he opened the package from his mother.

"My parents are coming this weekend… Both of them."

"Are you serious?" Auggie asked with half fear half amusement in his eyes.

"Deadly."

"Wait, I don't get it why are we bracing ourselves?" Scott sat up slightly in his bed, sounding a little mellower than before.

Auggie and Ezra just laughed as Trent and Scott shared confused looks, "I forgot that the Meat and T. haven't met your parents yet man."

"Aren't they lucky," Ezra joked remembering the last time his parents both came up to visit.

"E-Z.'s parents are a little, well actually a lot Springer, you know as in Jerry Springer."

"Auggie's right they can get a little rowdy when they're together." Ezra admitted reluctantly.

"Great just what we need," Trent plopped down forcefully on his bed making the cuts on his side split some, "OW!" Trent let out forgetting completely that the others were around.

"You ok man?" Ezra asked as he came and sat on the edge of Trent's bed.

"I'm fine, just landed wrong," Trent quickly lied trying to cover up the pain in his voice.

"You sure? I mean the way you're covering your side and all?" Auggie asked pointedly, he had been suspicious that Trent was up to his old tricks again but had no proof, "I mean if you need to talk…"

"Auggie this isn't group, I just fell wrong," Trent knew Auggie was on to him which made him more annoyed and touchy than usual.

"Fine," Auggie put his hands in the air and backed up towards his bed. Auggie didn't know how much more he could take of Trent and Scott's negative attitudes before he had to say something.

"It's almost time for dinner," Ezra spoke up clearly trying to cut the mounting tension in the room.

"You guys can go without me," Trent knew he was acting childish but just kept getting this nagging sick feeling in his stomach.

"You got to eat T; I mean I know you miss the Pick but…" Auggie started before Trent interrupted him.

"I'm not hungry, and you don't know anything," Trent shot Auggie a hateful look before sliding under his blankets, "If Peter asks I'm sick," he added a fake cough to get his point across.

"Seriously you need to go to dinner," Auggie came over and ripped the blankets off of Trent's bed.

"Seriously you need to get out of my face before…"

"Before what, before you cut me? Cuz we all know how good you are at that," Auggie yelled reaching his breaking point.

"Can you both back off?" Ezra shouted getting in between the two who were by this point poised to fight each other.

"Both of you are crazy," Scott shouted from his bed too drained to actually get up and try to stop the fight.

"That's it!" Auggie shouted as he stormed out of the room.

Trent headed straight to the bathroom to 'release' anger.

"Great this is perfect," Trent shouted twenty minutes later in the lodge at the emergency Cliffhangers' group.

"Let's hold it for a second," Sophie started as Trent huffed in bitterness coming off of him in waves, "Auggie you called this group so, what's up?"

"I've got some issues," Auggie shot a look at Trent.

"That's obvious," Trent rolled his eyes.

"Why don't we let Auggie finished," Peter could definitely feel the tension between the two friends.

"Whatever," Trent grumbled.

"That's it, right there, Trent and Scott's attitudes have been whack for awhile, and I can't do this crap anymore," Auggie shook his head wondering desperately what happened to his friends, the ones that he used to be able to joke with and talk to.

"Ok, group has anyone else noticed a change in Trent and Scott's attitudes?" Peter had noticed the change in both boys but had hoped it would pass.

"Yeah," Juliette spoke up softly, "Scott's been really edgy lately and Trent's been all depressed since Lexi left."

The rest of the group nodded in agreement as Scott and Trent both looked at their shoes.

"Scott would you like to say something about how the group feels?" Peter knew Scott had had a hard time with Child protective services but also knew that his attitude was crap.

"I'm sorry," Scott spoke up hoarsely yet slightly like a robot, "You know for the way I've been acting, I've been…" Shelby squeezed his hand for encouragement but he just couldn't get whatever was bothering him out, "I don't want to talk about it, but I'm sorry."

Trent had never seen Scott look so close to tears before and felt extremely uncomfortable.

"How about you Trent?" Peter looked Trent square in the eyes causing Trent to look away out of guilt.

"I don't know," Trent shrugged.

"Have you been acting this way because of Lexi? It's ok to miss her man but you can't shut down?"

"She's been missing for a month. Correction a month and a half, missing, she hasn't called and she hasn't written," Trent made his fists so tight when he finally released them small pieces of skin came out with his finger nails.

"I know that you're angry Trent," Peter pushed slightly hoping to make him angry, Peter knew he was bottling his feelings and wanted him to get them out in group instead of taking it out in a dangerous way.

"YOU DON'T KNOW!" Trent screamed then suddenly crumbled, "It's not like her to run, she just wouldn't, and she wouldn't go without writing or calling. You don't know, you let her go off with him that monster, you just let her go. That's why she's missing," Trent openly sobbed feeling unable to stop the tears, even though he wished he could.

"What do you mean monster?" Peter had the feeling Lexi's stepdad was an abuser but had no proof, "Did Lexi say something?"

"Not really, well sort of," Trent dreamed about the confusing night before Lexi left on a regular basis.

"What did she say Trent? What happened?" Peter said desperately.

"It wasn't really what she said, well it is but it's more what she did," Trent looked down still embarrassed and confused about what had happened between the two of them.

"What did she do?" Juliette asked in a timid yet curious tone.

"Jules…" Auggie started throwing her a don't push him look before Trent cut him off "She snuck into our dorm, got into bed with me, she tried to you know," he stopped took in a deep breath, "She tried to have sex with me, but I stopped her."

"That was responsible." Peter was slightly disturbed at the direction his story was heading.

"I guess," Trent shrugged he knew he wanted to have sex with her just not like that, "Then she freaked on me started crying, took off towards that tree we would always sit under. She kept screaming that she was bad and stupid, that 'He' was right, that no one would ever lover her, that if I knew I wouldn't love her, I tried to tell her she was wrong but she wouldn't listen, then she said she was stupid again, she said that she had been silly to think that if we did it he wouldn't want her anymore, I tried to get her to tell me but she wouldn't and then she was gone," Trent sobbed harder than he ever had before as snuck a look at the horrified faces of everyone around him, "and you let her go, I get this sick feeling that he did something."

Peter pulled Trent reluctantly into a side hug; Peter had had the same sick feeling but couldn't do anything about it without Lexi's help.

"It's ok, it's gonna be ok," Peter felt something wet seep through his shirt and slowly pulled Trent out of the hug, praying that his senses were just heightened and that Trent wasn't cutting. His heart fell as he saw the blood on both of their shirts.

All his crying had left Trent numb tot the point where he hadn't even felt his cuts re-open or the blood seep out.

"Hand it over man," Peter said calmly even though his heart was breaking.

Trent stood frozen he could feel the entire groups eyes on him and hear several gasps.

"Come on Trent, you can't keep doing this to yourself," Peter had almost forgotten the rest of the group was sitting around watching, "Come on, I need whatever you used Trent."

Trent stuck his hand in his pocket and as he placed the broken metal object in Peter's hand he looked away from everyone, he had never been so ashamed in his entire life.

"Groups dismissed," Peter shouted as he examined the object, "Auggie," Peter called before Auggie could leave, "I need you to walk Trent over to the infirmary, and make sure Nurse Margret gets this," he handed the boy what Trent had been using to cut himself, "I can trust you right Aug?"

"Yeah, no problem," Auggie said barely looking at his friend, he had known but felt guilty for not saying anything.

"Ok I'll be over in a little bit," Peter turned from Auggie to Trent who had the most hollowed out look in his eyes as if the fire in him had just gone out, "Trent I'm gonna have to call your mother and while your in with the nurse were going to need to search your bunk. I need you to be honest with me do you have anything else stashed?"

Trent shook his head from side to side and then slowly moved closer to Auggie.

"Ok, I'll be over in a bit," Peter watched as the two teens headed in silence over towards the infirmary, "Soph I'm gonna need you to get Jeff so we can do a search," Peter said suddenly remembering that Sophie was still in the room.

"Can do Mountain man," Sophie headed out to find Jeff and wondered how a kid could do that to themselves.

"I can't believe I'm gonna miss the video Ezra and Daisy made for this," Trent complained as Auggie handed nurse Margret the broken fork Trent had been cutting himself with.

"This is more important T." Auggie said staring at the bloody T-shirt Trent had thrown on the ground.

"Ok you can go Auggie, Trent's gonna be just fine," Nurse Margret tried to sooth Auggie who was obviously shaken up.

"I'm sorry for the cutting crack I made earlier," Auggie gave Trent a weak smile before leaving him alone with Nurse Margret.

"Now sugar I'm gonna need to try and stitch up these deep ones first," Margret sadly gazed at the broken boy in front of her, "and then I'm going to apply some anointment to these purple ones here," Trent flinched slightly as she lightly touched his infected cuts.

"Ok," Trent said quietly allowing the nurse to do her job in peace.

An hour later Peter walked in to find Trent lying down with a disappointed look on his face, "I just don't get it."

"That's ok I didn't think you would," Trent rolled over slowly trying not to disturb his stitches and bandages.

"I could try if you talked to me Trent but this," Peter moved to where Trent could see him, "look I can't help you if you don't talk to me, what's going on?"

"Life," Trent said quite lifelessly, "I don't know how else to deal."

"How about using words or the tools that I know you've picked up since being here," Peter stared into Trent's eyes which had begun to fill with tears.

"Words don't really cut it where I come from, and I didn't know what else to do," Peter sat straight across from Trent silently urging him to continue, "Peter it felt like everything inside of me was ripping apart and falling to pieces," Trent placed his left hand firmly on his stitches and then took in a deep breath unsure if he was making sense, "So I needed to show it, you know, to really feel it, I mean it doesn't hurt as bad or it hurts so bad or it kills the pain or it keeps you from going numb, I know that I'm not making sense but without her and without drugs I don't know how to function."

"You were functioning fine before…"

"No I wasn't," Trent interrupted, "I wasn't I was cutting, when my mom would call or when Lexi's letters said she had to get high or when I had a bad day, I had to cut because I didn't know what else to do."

Peter didn't know what to say, his heart was hurting for Trent and his mind was worried about Lexi.

"I know you gave me tools," Trent spoke up after what seemed like an eternity of silence, "I should have used them, I'm sorry."

Peter could only stare he was amazed at how similar he and Lexi were, how no matter what they were sensible how they hated attention and tried desperately to never make waves.

After another long pause Peter finally spoke up, "Thank you for your honesty Trent, I'm gonna try to help you man, but things are gonna change around here," Trent nodded as Peter continued, "I talked to your mother she's coming up in two weeks, I know things are going on between the two of you but I'm not gonna push it," Peter took a deep breath then continued, "now your punishment is as followed 1. Basic procedure for cutting, 2. Double one on one's, 3. Three weeks of wood chopping. Alright?"

Trent simply nodded as his stomach turned again, no matter what anyone told him Trent knew Lexi wasn't safe.

"Hey did you sneak off with Trent again?" Shelby joked as the thin redhead took a seat on her own bed.

"Wouldn't you like to know Lexi joked making an extremely immature kissy face.

"Pooh bear? You awake?" Lexi slowly opened her eyes not wanting to leave Horizon behind. As the cage door opened Lexi quickly turned away from the light that He had let in, "Come on it's time to show Daddy how much you love him," Greg called as he undid the chains that held her arms in place.

All Lexi could do was think about what witty thing Shelby would have said next in her dream as her stepfather slowly pulled down her panties.

Sorry for being so graphic in that last little segment it's just if you can't handle that then the next few chapters won't do your stomach any good. Chapter 8 is coming soon so please read and respond. In this chapter I kind of wanted a filler in between Lexi stories not only to give a good sense of time but also to show you a little more of Trent.

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Sadclown18


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer- by now I hope you know the drill, you know the one where I own Lexi and Trent and their respective families and that's it. So yeah on with the story.

Ps. Thanks to everyone who responded, it was greatly appreciated, high-five you!

Peter and Rodger stood side by side just outside the door waiting for the police to tell them it was safe.

"Where's the girl?!" The officer who had Greg by the neck screamed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Greg lied as he stared innocently at the officers.

"Tell us where she is and things will go a lot easier for you," He said holding a picture of Lexi in front of Greg's face.

"That ungrateful bitch ran after I brought her home from that freak school of his," he said motioning his head towards Peter who had just walked through the door.

"Everyone spread out I want this girl found now! And someone get this lying piece of shit out of my sight," the officer shouted as his crew spread out through the rather large home.

"How can we help?" Peter asked as he and Roger passed Greg who was being escorted outside.

"You should just go on home and wait," the officer said compassionately, "We'll find her."

"Not to be rude, but we drove for two days to get here, and you don't know anything about Lexi, when you find her you're going to need my help," Peter said in a firm tone.

"Fine put these on and start searching," he chuckled slightly handing Peter and Rodger a pair of gloves each.

"Come on Rodge lets head to the basement," Peter and the tall black man beside him headed towards the kitchen. On the kitchen wall right next to the fridge hung a poster.

"Check this out," Rodger nudged Peter who had headed straight for the basement door, "A calorie chart."

"No wonder she was terrified of gaining an ounce," Peter said shaking his head at how little Lexi had recorded in her calorie column.

"We've got something down here," one of the other officers yelled from the bottom of the basement stairs.

As Peter and Rodger made their way to the stairs a foul odor hit them hard, "Calm down Peter it's probably just dirty laundry," Rodger said reading an obviously disturbed Peter's mind.

"Sure," Peter said softly as he headed down the stairs.

Peter had never seen such a spacious or empty basement before, the only things in the room were a washer, a dryer, a supply cupboard, a toilet, and a door to another room.

"Lexi?" Peter shouted hurrying over to the open door.

"She's not in here… but these are" the officer pointed to several photos and videos that had been spread out on top of a large bed, "and we found this," He said holding up a small box filled with needles, drugs, and razors.

"Oh God," Peter looked as if he was going to be sick.

"Pete it's gonna be ok, she's fine," Rodger tried desperately to convince himself as the officers bagged up everything in the room.

Peter left the room without saying a word, angry at himself for not helping her sooner and angry at Greg for whatever he had done to her.

"Oh God, where is that smell coming from?" Peter shouted pounding his fist against the door of the supply cupboard, mostly in frustration in not finding Lexi than the smell.

Suddenly Peter heard a tiny gasp of air come from inside the cupboard, "Lexi?" He asked quietly but no one responded. Peter opened the door only to be met with a blast of that foul odor and a highly organized supply cupboard.

"Hey Pete, you ok?" Rodger asked coming to his friend's side.

"I heard something," Peter said motioning to the cupboard.

"It's just a bunch of supplies the police already checked it out," he gave Peter a worried look, "that smell is killing me man, how does a closet full of cleaning products smell like that?"

"Wait," Peter said motioning for Rodger to be quiet he had heard the sound again.

"Mr. Scarborough," The head officer came up behind causing both men to jump, "We searched the entire house, no sign of the girl, we do however have enough to…"

"Do you hear that?" Peter interrupted.

"Hear what?" the officer asked obviously confused.

Without saying another word Peter began throwing the buckets and things out of the closet. Everyone in the house kept a slight distance from him thinking he'd gone mad. Finally Peter found what he was looking for a small lock that had been covered up by everything.

"She's here," Peter shouted which didn't help the whole looks crazy thing, "we need to cut this lock now," Peter stood back from the cupboard and waited for someone to break the lock.

After several minutes and a stare down with Peter the head officer consented.

"I think I'm going to be sick," one of the officers said with a look of terror in his eyes.

Lexi stood completely still and slightly limp with her eyes sealed unnaturally tight and each wrist chained to the back of the cupboard.

"Lexi?" Peter asked gently not fully recognizing the skeletal girl in front of him. He had always known Lexi was thin but the way her skin barely covered her bones shocked him completely. She had become much paler and her burgundy hair had grown out into a deep shade of carrot red, which reminded him of a previous councilor, Hannah.

Lexi squirmed slight waiting for Greg to touch her cheek like he normally did before getting her out for 'play time'.

Peter didn't know what to do to help the poor girl who stood in nothing but a bra and panties in front of him.

Finally Rodger spoke up "We need an ambulance, now!"

"What does this one want," Lexi said in a weak yet seductive tone easing open her eyes slowly even though she couldn't see, the drugs he gave her made everything blur together, "Does he want me to be bad? Does he want a school girl? Daddy loves school girls you know," She said looking at Rodger and Peter but obviously speaking to who she thought was Greg and one of his 'friends'. Lexi knew that if she wasn't his perfect seductress things would be bad later.

Peter tried to shake the images that kept intruding his mind as Lexi spoke.

"Lexi, it's Peter," He said taking a step towards her, "We need the keys to those," he pointed to the chains that held her in a standing position.

"You promised," Lexi cried slightly even though she knew that that would make him go longer and harder just so she'd learn her lesson, "You promised you wouldn't say that anymore."

"Lexi look at me," Peter gently gabbed her face so she'd look at him, "It's me Peter from Mount Horizon, I brought Rodger too," He couldn't imagine what hell she'd been through and couldn't wait to take her home.

"NO! You're not!" Lexi opened her eyes and tried to focus the best she could, her energy was fading fast "I sent a letter, I know you're gonna snap my neck for it but he didn't come, I sent a letter and he didn't come. You were right no ones ever gonna love me. You the only one who cares," she prayed that whatever he was going to do he would do it fast and make it painless.

"Lexi I got your letter I'm sorry I came a little late but I'm here, no one can hurt you anymore," His eyes filled with tears as the EMT's made their way down the stairs.

Peter noticed the slight flinch Lexi made as the officer finally came to unlock the chains.

"Peter?" Lexi cried out in a meek voice.

"Yeah it's me," He said as the officer swept her into his arms and carried her to the stretcher the EMT's brought.

"Peter I'm sorry I was bad," Lexi cried as she collapsed as if she were a busted rag doll.

"Go with her, I'll get a ride with one of the officers to the hospital," Rodger patted his friend on the back still in disbelief that they had actually found her.

By the time Rodger got to the hospital Peter was waiting in the waiting room thinking of how he had just been in a place like this waiting for another one of his Cliffhangers to be ok.

"Any news?" Rodger handed Peter a hot cup of coffee and took the empty seat on his right.

"No, but I don't think it's going so well," Peter took the coffee and hung his head in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"She went into a seizure on the way here," Peter shook his head, and ran his hands through his dirt brown hair, "How could he do that to her?"

"I don't know man, some people are just sick," Rodger's mind drifted back to the smell of the basement and the room beside the cupboard and thought he was going to be sick to his stomach, "I've seen a lot of things Pete, but never in my life have I seen anything as disgusting as today. I mean, he kept her in that place tied up like an animal, standing in her own, urine and blood and God," Rodger stood up hoping to be able to catch his breath.

"That's what the smell was?" Peter asked calmly too tired from everything to think straight.

Rodger nodded, "There was a toilet right there why would he make her…"

"To humiliate her, make her feel like nothing," Peter took a sip of his coffee praying for the doctor to be out soon, "I'm gonna need to call her mother and the school."

"What are you gonna tell Sophie, I mean we kind of left in a hurry and you didn't really say much of anything to her."

"I don't know yet but as soon as the doctor…"

Rodger interrupted him, he knew how much pain Peter was in, "Let me call the mother, you deal with the doctor and then we can both handle the police, but I'm not calling Sophie," he ended on a joking note.

"That's fair," Peter smiled weakly.

As soon as they shook on it a man in a white lab coat came into the waiting room, "Harper? Anyone for Lexi Harper?"

Peter and Rodger both shot up, "I'm gonna go make that call," Rodger headed towards the nurses station leaving Peter alone to talk to the doctor.

"I'm Peter Scarborough, for Lexi," Peter rushed over and shook hands with the doctor, "Is she ok?"

"What's your relation sir?" after seeing Lexi's condition on arrival he was rightfully suspicious.

"I'm the Director of Mount Horizon, the school Lexi was attending," Peter was nervous, he couldn't get a solid read off of the doctor at all.

"I'm Dr. Maxwell and as long as your not her," he paused briefly at the police notes attached to her file and chart, "Stepfather than I guess we should talk."

"Is she alright? What kind of medication did you put her on? Is she gonna make it? When can we take her back?" Peter spoke a mile a minute praying that the doctor's news was going to be good.

"Come sit down for a minute Mr. Scarborough," Dr, Maxwell motioned to the chairs he and Rodger had just been occupying.

"Please call me Peter," Peter didn't like where their conversation was heading and it hadn't even begun yet.

"Alright, Peter, now Lexi is stable but just barely. She has fresh track marks, infected cuts and burns, a cracked rib, severe vaginal trauma, not too mention severe dehydration and starvation. I've ordered a drug test do you know what we might find?"

Peter took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair trying to imagine all the kids that were safe back at Horizon. If he was gonna help Lexi he knew he needed to keep himself together, "Maybe Coke, when she came to us she was selling and using, I don't know what he was pumping her full of but I think it might be Heroin."

Dr. Maxwell stared at Peter with a mixed look of disgust and confusion.

"Lexi's a screamer, when she dreams it's usually not good, the way we found her I think he was try to keep her quite at night, hence Heroin." Peter could see it all in his mind everything that filthy pig had done to her.

"I see, well we have to give her something for the infections but if you think it would be best not to give her something for the pain, then we won't."

"That's something we need to talk about together Lexi is a pretty sensible kid," Peter smiled thinking about how excited Trent and the other Cliffhangers were going to be when she came home, "When can I see her?"

"Well she's asleep now so you can go in and sit with her if you like but I assume the police are involved," he said tapping the file.

Peter nodded as Dr. Maxwell led him to Lexi's room, "Then they're going to need to get your statement and hers…" As they stood outside Lexi's room Dr. Maxwell simply shook his head, "That little girl is strong."

"I know," Peter smiled and stuck out his hand.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on her, but we definitely want to keep her over night and have her see a dietician her weight is far below normal." Dr. Maxwell took Peter's hand with a hardy shake.

"Thank you again doctor," Peter said as he slid into the room and took the seat next to Lexi's bed.

Tears fell from Lexi's eyes as she noticed Peter and Rodger asleep on either side of her bed. She knew that she didn't deserve to be saved but she thanked God anyway.

"I Thought it was a dream," Lexi said in a soft yet hoarse voice, which came from not being allowed to speak for a month and a half.

Peter's head shot straight up at the sound of Lexi's voice, "Hey kiddo, how're you feelin'?"

"Safe," Lexi looked Peter dead in the eyes, "I can't lie anymore," Peter grabbed Lexi's hand making sure to be careful of her IV as she began to sob openly.

"It's ok, I'm here and I can help I swear."

"I'm sorry…"

"You did nothing wrong," Peter interrupted.

The tears had taken over and Lexi's already soft voice was extremely hard to make out, "it is though, I should have been better, I got what I deserved."

"Look at me," Peter's voice suddenly became rather stern, "This is not your fault, it's his, and no one ever deserves to go through what he put you through."

After a little while Lexi's sobs had calmed and she tried to speak again, "Is my mom…" Lexi felt her voice fail her a little bit, "Is she here?"

"Sorry Lex, your mom is out of the country," Peter said handing her a tissue.

"I didn't want to see her anyway," Lexi smiled trying to hide the hurt Peter knew she was feeling.

Lexi and Peter both turned in the direction of the muffled snores coming from Rodger's chair. They couldn't help but laugh as his chest rose and fell creating what sounded like a subdued Sea Lion. Lexi grabbed her side firmly in pain from all the laughing.

"It's been a long week," He joked as they watched Rodger, "She gave us permission to take you back to Horizon once the doctors and police say you can leave," Peter smiled returning to their conversation.

"Do I have to talk to CPS?" Lexi yawned openly.

"No," Peter noticed Lexi breath a sigh of relief and couldn't judge how she was going to take his next bit of news, "You have to talk to the police, this is past Child Protective Services."

"What?" Lexi had a look of terror in her eyes, she could barely imagine telling Peter let alone men she had never met, "Do I have to?"

Peter's heart fell slightly as he realized all the shame she had to be feeling, "no but it will make a better case for when this goes to court," he paused to gage her reaction, "and I think it will help you heal in more ways than one."

Lexi was completely wiped out and before she fell back into a not so peaceful sleep she managed to get out a surprising, "Will you be there?"

Peter smiled and placed her hand lightly by her side, "I'd like to see them try and stop me."

Sophie woke suddenly to a high pitched ringing at the front desk, "Hello?" Sophie asked in a groggy voice wondering who would be calling at 4:30 in the morning.

"Peter, thank God, what happened? Where did you two rush off to?" Sophie was relieved to hear Peter's voice on the other line. She had been so afraid when he and Rodger just took off four days earlier.

"What? You found her? How is she? Where was she? When's she coming home?" Sophie knew her questions were all slurring together as a combination of lack of sleep and the stress of filling in for Peter while he was gone.

"Ok," she took in a deep breath, "What should I tell the Cliffhangers?"

"Ok, see you when you get here Mountain Man, and tell Lexi we can't wait for her to be home," with that Sophie slowly hung up the phone still in shock that they had found her. Sophie couldn't fall back asleep, the thoughts of Lexi and how excited the other Cliffhangers were going to be kept her up.

"So where do you think Peter went?" Scott asked as he shoved his bacon in his mouth.

"I heard they had an out of control newbie that he and Rodger had to go collect," Shelby joked pulling her blonde hair back into a ponytail, "What do you think Queenie?" Shelby teased Juliette knowing perfectly well that she was on shuns, "What? cat got your tongue?"

"Back off Shel," Auggie jumped in even though he didn't know where he and Juliette stood anymore.

"Whatever," Shelby rolled her eyes in disgust, "What about you Kat? Where do you think our fearless leader ran off to?"

"I heard he went to New York again," Kat rarely ever gossiped and knew she was probably completely off.

"New York? Nah, why would he take Rodger with him then?" Scott jumped in, "What about you man?"

Trent had opened up a little more but was still in no mood to talk, "Couldn't say."

"Ok, what about you Morticia?" Scott cocked his head in Daisy's direction.

"Gossip isn't really my thing," She said with a smugness that pushed Scott's buttons.

"You're such a fre…"

"Hey Sophie," Shelby nudged his ribs hard as Sophie walked up tot the table.

"Hey gang, I've got some exciting news so once your finished with breakfast just meet me out by the pavilion," Sophie had the biggest grin on her face as she walked away from the slightly confused group.

"Oh God if it's another newbie I might have to shoot someone," Shelby got up to out her tray away.

At the sound of the word newbie Juliette perked up, Juliette loved newbie's.

"Maybe Peter's back I mean you saw how excited she was," Kat joked as they all followed Shelby's lead.

"So? What's the big news?" Shelby cut to the point as soon as they had all sat down in front of the pavilion.

"Well hello to you too," Sophie joked.

"Alright, hello Sophie," Shelby shot back sarcastically, "So what is the big news? You were like jumping out of your skin in there."

"Ok, well you guys may have noticed Peter hasn't been around the last few days…"

"Yeah so?"

"Shelby if you stopped interrupting me I'd get to my point sooner," Sophie threw Shelby a warning look.

"Fine."

"Ok, so Peter and Rodger left a few days ago and when they get back they're brining someone back," Sophie paused suddenly unsure of how the group was going to take the news, "they found her you guys they found Lexi," Sophie could barely hold back the tears as the faces on the Cliffhangers went from not interested to completely dumbfounded.

"What?!?!" was all that Trent could manage, his head was spinning, "Where was she all this time? What happened? Why didn't she write or call?"

"All I know is that she's safe, that they're leaving the hospital today and that her and Peter are taking a flight out and should be here either tonight or tomorrow, depending." Sophie could see the fear in all of their faces.

"The hospital?! Depending on what?" Trent started screaming feeling a thousand things at once.

"Yes the hospital, Trent you need to calm down, I know you've been worried but…"

"How is he supposed to calm down?" Shelby shot in unexpectedly, " I mean gone for over a month no word at all, FYI not like her, and now when she's found the hospitals involved. It's just a lot to take in."

Everyone looked around surprised; they all remembered how mean Shelby had always been to Lexi.

"Well we'll know more in a day or so, but guys I don't want you to push her, she's gonna need some time to re-adjust. Oh and group is right after lunch and I want you guys to spend your free time working on something to share." With that the group dispersed.

Trent headed straight for 'their' tree, head still spinning with thoughts of her. They had never been apart for so long with no contact and he couldn't help but feel that whatever happened was his fault, if he had told sooner or something.

"Hey need some company?" Trent had been so lost in thought he hadn't even heard Daisy sit down beside him.

"I thought you spent all your free time in the infirmary with Ezra?" He joked it was his first in what felt like an eternity.

"Usually," she chuckled, "but you looked like you needed a friend. You nervous?"

"About seeing her?" Trent took in a deep breath, trying to find the right words, "I feel like the butterflies in my stomach took acid and exploded."

"Make sense, I mean love never really makes sense I guess, but you know what I mean," she smiled her thoughts going back to Ezra in the infirmary.

"She makes me want to be different, be better, and the funny thing is that she makes me want to change but loves me just the way I am," he smiled as thoughts of their first kiss ran through his head, "God I sound like a lifetime movie don't I?"

"No, you sound like you're in love, and as someone who would rather watch people than interact with them, let me let you in on a secret," She smiled not flirtatiously but in a comforting 'I'll always be your friend' sort of way, "She loves you too, no matter what she said or did or whatever happened, it's in her eyes when you're near, they light up."

"The way yours light up when you're with Ezra?" Trent could see a faint blush appear on Daisy's pale face.

"Ezra and I are friends, good ones, but that's it," Daisy lied not really sure of her feelings for Ezra.

"Ok," he said sarcastically.

"It's in the cards you know."

"What is?" Trent had a confused look on his face.

"Your love, her pain, she needs you just as much as you need her," Daisy stood up, "I think I'm gonna go see Ezra now."

With that she left leaving Trent peaceful yet confused.

"I've missed you Lex," whispered as he pulled out her journal and hugged it close to his chest.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer- Same as before Higher Ground not mine so I make sad face. Trent and Lexi mine so I make happy face, you know what also gives me a happy face all the reviews. High-five to everyone who reviewed. On with the show.

"Hey Carrot-cake," Trent smiled as he sat down in the chair next to Lexi's bed, "How you feeling today?"

Lexi opened her eyes and smiled slightly trying not to agitate the healing gash on the right side of her face, "Better," she looked him over nearly squealing when she saw the book in his lap, "Are those mine?"

"I've never met someone so excited about homework before," Ezra jumped in from the bed next to hers.

"If you think this is bad you should see her take on extra-credit," Trent laughed putting the books on the tray by the wall.

Lexi held her side as she laughed trying hard not to rip the stitches that some of her cuts needed.

"I mean it took you long enough I've been back for two days and I'm just now getting these," Lexi joked as she slowly sat herself up in the bed.

"I missed you," Trent grabbed her hand and kissed it softly, "I missed you so much."

"Oh God do I have to be subjected to this," Ezra closed the curtain that ran between their two beds, "You two kids be good."

"Your hair," Trent ran his fingers softly around the edge of her face and then up into her now deep carrot red hair, "I almost forgot why I called you Carrot-cake."

"it was always there, just buried," Lexi's eyes filled with tears suddenly, "I can't talk about it yet, I mean with the police and Peter I have to but I can't go through it with you yet, please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, Lex, I get it, well I don't, but I'm not gonna push, that's not my style," he smiled trying to help her calm down, "Ok?"

"Yeah," Lexi choked drying her tears, "God I cry like a baby."

"I think it's beautiful, everything you do is beautiful," Trent's hazel eyes and the sincerity in his voice made Lexi's skin burn with shame. She couldn't figure out why it was so hard to tell the one person that she loved.

"You two are seriously killing me," Ezra said pulling back the curtain.

"Sorry," they said in unison.

"So, Ezra was catching me up on all the Horizon dirt from when I was gone, wanna hear?" Lexi had the smile of an angel to Trent no matter what had happened to him she would always be the most beautiful person in any room.

"Sure, why not?" Trent gave her a deep smile that made Lexi's knees all weak.

"Ok well, we've got me leaving, Scott trying to run, but then coming back which I'm kind of confused on but that's ok." Trent had heard all this information before but was so glad to have Lexi back he didn't care to sit through it again, "Then actors came to play 'troubled teens' in a commercial about Horizon, then Ezra's parents came and were jerks so he OD'd after breaking into the supply closet, which explains him being in here with me, and then Juliette cut and ran with Auggie but both made it back safely, and then here I am, the end! How did I do Ezra?" Lexi jumped in again before Ezra could answer, "Oh and we got a newbie to the Cliffhangers yesterday."

"Wait how did you know that last part?" Trent looked at both of them with surprise written all over his face.

"We've got our sources, ah speaking of," Ezra joked as Daisy came in and sat in the chair right next to Ezra's bed.

"Hey sleeping beauty, way to be totally passed out when I came bearing ice cream earlier," Daisy laughed as she sat her bags down on the floor.

"Because that's exactly what I need, all that fat and all those calories," Lexi put her head down slightly staring at what she thought were her fat arms.

"Lex you need to gain some weight, 86lbs is not healthy," Trent gave Lexi a please don't be so stubborn look.

"I'm trying, it's just hard," Lexi looked over to the others in the room, "So are you two staying for dinner?"

Daisy and Trent both nodded their heads smiling at Lexi.

"Good, I mean it's not that I don't love spending hours upon hours with Ezra and Nurse Margret but every now and then it's good to shake things up," Lexi flashed Trent a quick smile as he bent down and kissed Lexi on the forehead before he and Daisy headed out so they could bring back dinner.

"I have an idea," Trent whispered to Daisy just as they rounded the corner toward the main door of the infirmary.

"And what is that?" Daisy asked suspiciously, Trent was a great guy but his 'good ideas' never really turned out the way he wanted them to.

"You'll see," Trent smiled mischievously as the mid-evening air blew against their faces.

"Do you think they got lost?" Ezra laughed to himself as Lexi slowly and painfully got out of bed, "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm putting on the sweats Daisy brought me nosy," Lexi stuck her tongue out before slowly making her way to the bathroom.

"Who knocks when the door is open?" Ezra shouted sarcastically.

"I do," Auggie answered walking through the door.

"What's going on?" Ezra asked as the rest of the Cliffhangers minus the newbie made their way into the room, with trays in one hand and chairs in the other.

"Blame this kid," Auggie tilted his head towards Trent.

"I wanted to surprise Lexi, wait where is she?" Trent sat down in his normal spot realizing Lexi wasn't there.

"Bathroom," Just as everyone had finished getting situated in the midsized room Lexi emerged from the bathroom, looking as if her sweats were trying to swallow her alive, "Nice outfit," Ezra laughed, Lexi had pulled the drawstring on her pants as tight as possible but they still drooped a little, "Really classy."

"Whatever," Lexi rolled her eyes before noticing the room had filled up, "What the heck?"

Lexi had the largest smile on her face as she slowly made her way to her bed with Trent's help.

Everyone just stared at the broken down skeleton that used to be their friend as she situated herself in a comfortable Indian style sitting position on top of her covers.

"Hey Ezra do I have some pie or something on my face I don't know about," Lexi joked noticing all the dropped jaws in the room.

"I think that was her subtlety telling you to stop gawking," Daisy shouted getting a bad feeling that Trent's sweet idea was about to go horribly wrong.

"Sorry," Juliette spoke up, she had gotten special permission to speak during their meal with Lexi even though she was still on shuns.

"I'm not an alien, you know," Lexi sat her tray slowly in her lap making sure not to spill anything.

"It's just you were gone so long Pick," Auggie spoke up he couldn't help but stare at the healing wound on the right side of her face or the deep cuts down each of her thin arms.

"Still Lexi though," she broke her bread into several pieces before taking a tiny nibble of it.

"Look at the way she's eating, yeah it's still Lexi," Scott joked trying to break the tension as he shoved his own roll into his mouth.

"We missed you Lex," Kat spoke up relaxing some, "I'm glad your back."

"I'm glad to be back," Lexi smiled as she began cutting her Salisbury steak, "You guys have no idea," She smiled only a little, she couldn't wait for her gash to scab up so smiling didn't hurt so bad.

"Don't get used to this whole group caring thing Bones," Shelby smiled sarcastically and Lexi knew that was as close as she was going to get to a 'welcome back Lex', from her.

"I missed you too Shelby," Lexi good feel her hands begin to shake and quickly moved her tray from her lap and hid her hands under her arm-pits so no one else would notice.

Lexi just watched as her group, her family, sat together in the infirmary of all places to have dinner.

"Wait a sec where's the newbie? What are they a little squeamish," Lexi cracked a joke about the way she looked to break the obvious stares coming from Juliette who was basically green with envy at how thin Lexi had gotten and Scott who looked as if Lexi disgusted him.

"He said and I quote, 'you all suck except for you' then he winked at Shelby and found a table by himself," Daisy recited in a very dry tone which made everyone crack up laughing, "I thought Scott's head was going to explode.

"I'm sitting right here Morticia," Scott rolled his eyes at Daisy.

"I thought you were hungry," Ezra asked noticing Lexi had gotten rid of her tray.

Lexi's eyes shot straight to the center of her bed embarrassed, "I am."

"Then why aren't you eating?" Auggie jumped in concerned about his friend.

Lexi took in a breath and uncrossed her arms revealing the shake she couldn't stop.

"Why are they doing that?" Scott jumped in his face changing from disgust to confusion, "Are those? Lex?" Scott sat his empty tray down and pointed at the fading track marks that lied just above the cuts on her arms.

Lexi took in a deep breath, "Yeah, they are."

"Are what? I'm confused?" Juliette started in her normal slightly whinny voice.

"Track marks," Shelby blurted out before Scott or Lexi could say anything.

"Track marks? Nawh Lexi wouldn't, would you?" Auggie looked from Lexi's face to arms in disbelief.

"It's not that easy," Lexi started before Juliette interrupted her.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Juliette pleaded with not only her voice but her eyes.

"Lexi picked up a nasty Heroin habit while she was gone," Shelby said with a bitterness in her voice Lexi had never heard before.

"You did? Why Lex?" Juliette's innocents and every ones stares began to close in on Lexi making her chest feel tight.

"Why don't we give her some space to breath and tell us her side," Trent looked like a knight in shining armor at that moment as Lexi began doing her relaxation breathing which was supposed to help with her panic attacks.

After a few minutes Lexi looked up from her lap if she was ever going to tell what happened now was the time.

Just as Lexi opened her mouth to speak Peter and Sophie walked in the room, "What's going on gang?"

"Lexi was about to tell us about her fun new Heroin habit," Shelby gave Lexi a nasty look before setting her own tray down on a desk near her.

"I don't think this…"

"It's ok," Lexi interrupted an extremely nervous Peter, "I said no more lies."

Peter had a mixed look of concern and pride on his face, "Are you sure?"

Lexi took a look into Trent's big eyes grabbed his hand and nodded her head, "If not now then when?"

Lexi took in several more deep breaths as Trent squeezed her hand for encouragement.

"When I was nine," Lexi didn't get very far before the tears started to swell up in her eyes, "my mom married Greg and for a little while things were ok, he was nice and normal, and then things changed."

Scott moved uncomfortably around in his seat something about her story he knew would hit too close to home.

"One night Greg called me into his and my mom's room cuz she was out of town, he told me that my Daddy had never really loved me, that he was going to show me how Daddies were supposed to love their little girls, and he had sex with me," Lexi let out a short uncomfortable laugh, wishing that were the end of the story, "and every night was the same either in my room or his I guess it didn't matter. When I was ten he found the hideaway my dad built for me, it was a cupboard with a false back so when I needed to get away from mommy I could. I'm sure if he knew what that would be used for after he died he wouldn't have built it. Every time I was bad and I was bad a lot he would lock me in there, at first it was a couple hours and then days and then weeks," Lexi paused squeezing Trent's hand she couldn't look at him but him squeezing his hand let her know all she needed, "When I was eleven I cut myself once, he found it and said 'if you like cutting so much let Daddy do it for you Pooh bear', so whenever I was bad he would take a razor and cut me in places people wouldn't think to look and then the cigars came," Lexi pulled up her shirt a little revealing a rather large cigar burn on her stomach, "but that was ok I thought you know he wants me to be thin maybe if I'm that, then some how I'll be a good girl and he'll stop, that didn't work out so well. At thirteen he said 'I need to pull my weight' and so he started bring friends over and they would pay him…" Lexi began to sob openly and Trent put a comforting arm around her. It took a minute for the tears to subside enough to finish her story, "to have sex with me, they would take picture and make videos in this room in our basement that was supposed to be a guest room, which never really got used for that. At fourteen I started to use Coke to make it hurt less, I got thinner and thinner and got almost straight A's still being stupid enough to think it would make him stop, it didn't. I finally realized he would never stop, so Trent and I were gonna run, he taught extra violin lessons and I started selling to raise the money so we could split. He caught me the night that we were supposed to leave, he cracked one of my ribs took my money and my drugs, told me that if I was gonna live in his house I couldn't be a stingy bitch, that he needed the money and that I should be thankful he didn't snap my neck right then and there. And then I got sent here for selling tot hat teacher and I thought everything was gonna be better as long as I followed the rules. I always followed the rules but it was never enough," Lexi took in another deep breath and looked up from her lap to see everyone's shocked face staring back at her, "When he took me to dinner here he stopped in a park near by and raped me, then took me home and it was like before only worse, it was like I knew I was never gonna see daylight again. In that cage everyday chained like an animal, except when he wanted to have his fun or when his friends had the money. I kept screaming in my sleep and so he started shooting me up with Heroin so I wouldn't scream, so I'd be good and quiet. He fed me a small piece of bread twice a week, I thought I was gonna die, in that hole."

Lexi finished her story and finally looked Trent in the face, "I'm so sorry, please don't hate me," She cried into his shirt.

Trent began to sob openly as he held Lexi trying to tell her he could never hate her, "I'm gonna kill him. If I had known. Lex why didn't you tell me?"

The rest of Cliffhangers couldn't even look at the rest of the food on their trays, but no one looked more horror-struck than Shelby and Scott.

"Wait how did you escape? Where did you run to?" Juliette asked with big crown puppy dog eyes.

"She never ran you twit," Shelby snapped at Juliette.

"How did you get away?" Juliette asked ignoring Shelby.

"My birthday," Blew her nose into a tissue Trent had handed her, "My birthday saved my life."

"How?" Kat asked coming out of shock a little bit.

"Every year on my birthday is my day, to hang out with Trent, to go wherever I want, no touching no anything. I didn't think he was going to let me out and when he did I didn't even know what day it was. He went to work, told me no phones and if I go anywhere near out side or try to run I would definitely never see daylight again. I just wanted to come home so I stole some of those pictures he had taken and wrote a letter to Peter. Quickly put it in the mail box attached to the porch near the door and waited. He came home right after the mail man left, scream about me breaking the rules by being by the window, that's how I got this," Lexi pointed to the right side of her face, "Then Peter came, I seriously don't know how much longer I could have lasted," Lexi completely broke down in Trent's arms.

Peter had never been prouder of a student before but decided that Lexi had had enough for the evening.

"Ok gang I want you all in the lodge in ten minutes for group."

"What we still have to go to group tonight after all that," Juliette complained mentally exhausted from only listening to the story.

"That was Lexi's share time not yours," he put on a devilish smile as everyone began to groan, "Come on everyone say goodnight these two need their rest."

One by one everyone came and gave Lexi a hug except Shelby who high-tailed it out of the room as fast as she could.

Once everyone had left except Trent and Ezra Lexi got back under her covers completely worn out.

Trent bent down and gave Lexi the gentlest kiss on the cheek, "I'm sorry I failed you."

"Failed me? If anything you saved my life, thinking of you and Horizon kept me going," Lexi swiped at the new tears forming in her eyes.

"I love you Carrot-cake."

"Even after everything, I mean I'm used goods I'm dirt," Lexi looked at him confused, him loving her still went against everything Greg had ever taught her.

"You being so strong about all the crap you've had to deal with makes me love you more," Trent picked up both of Lexi's hands and cupped them in his.

"You know the first time I knew I would love you forever, even if you never noticed me?" Lexi's eyes had a hope in them Trent hadn't seen since she came home.

"When?"

"When I woke up in the hospital the first time and you were the first person I saw."

"You know when I knew I'd love you no matter what, even if you never knew how I felt?"

"When?" Lexi looked into his sweet eyes feeling more at home now than she ever had in her entire life.

"After you got out of the hospital and you kissed me under the willow tree, kicked me in the shin and then limped over to the slide," They both laughed softly as they reminisced about their first kiss.

"I totally beat you, with the whole love thing," Lexi joked laying her head down on her pillow.

"You usually beat me in everything, not that I'm bitter or anything," just as the words left his mouth Lexi's head shot up off the pillow kissing Trent firmly on the lips, "What was that for?"

"For being my first kiss and hopefully my last," Lexi laid back down and Trent tucked her in making her feel safe and loved.

"I better go before we give Ezra a stomach ache and Peter gives me wood chopping, again."

"You'll be back tomorrow?" Lexi closed her eyes barely able to fight the oncoming sleep.

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away," Trent smiled as Ezra shot up out of bed.

"That's where I draw the line with your cheesy mush," Ezra exclaimed with a giant smile on his face realizing he was in the presences of true love, something his parents had convinced him didn't exist.

Trent simply put a finger to his mouth as he sneaked out of the room; Lexi was already asleep lost in peaceful dreams for once.

-----------

Hope it's ok i just sort of felt inspired so i put out 8 and 9 in the same night. i don't know if letting it all out like that was the right thing but it does fit with what i'm doing next so please keep reading and responding. Belive me when i say things are not over for Lexi and Trent just yet, still more drama to be had. mmmm can you smell the angst i can.

---Sadclown18


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer- same as before HG not mine Lexi and Trent are. Sorry it took so long to post I had some creative issues to sort out. Thanks for all of the reviews.

Authors Note- After I finish this story I have an idea to start a what would've been second season with these same characters. Love to hear your opinions so please read and respond.

Sorry it took so long! My sad face :(

After reading over what I wrote I realized that it just wasn't my best writing so I basically rewrote this chapter hope you enjoy!

"I can't believe she was reporter," Juliette whined for what seemed like the hundredth time as they emerged from the woods.

"I can't believe Kat got to plant her flag," Lexi smiled as the school came into focus.

Kat cried as the rest of the school clapped wildly for her and the Cliffhangers.

"I guess 26 kids have made it to the top of Dog's Peak now," Daisy joked as most of the group circled 'round Kat for a group hug.

"Not much of a group hugger?" Trent smiled as he caught up to Lexi and Shelby who had gone straight to the shed to rid them selves of their packs. Trent quickly put away everything in his pack with a giddy energy that made Lexi a little uneasy.

"You know me," Lexi smiled in a sarcastically bashful way, trying to avoid his odd behavior.

"You want to meet by the docks later?" Trent asked in a sweet non-sexual way slightly pacing in front of the two girls.

"Don't you too already have a place?" Shelby but-in bitterly before Lexi could answer.

"Sorry, I didn't know you and Scott had laid claim to the docks. What you two can't group each other somewhere else for a little while?" Trent shot back.

As Shelby took a step towards Trent Lexi jumped in the middle, too tired to put up with the both of them.

"I'll meet you at the tree and then we'll take a nice walk around the grounds, ok?" Lexi threw Trent a, you better say yes if you know what's good for you sort of look.

"Can do," Trent smiled a large fake smile, "Oh God I smell like nature," He joked as he quickly kissed her on the cheek and headed to his dorm to shower.

"I don't need you fighting my battles," Shelby jumped down Lexi's throat just as Trent was out of earshot.

"Good because I'm pretty sure I wasn't," Lexi said shaking off Trent's unusual attitude, "Sorry."

"Whatever," Shelby went back to unpacking without giving Lexi a second look.

"Can we talk?" Lexi started after several moments of silence.

Just as Shelby turned to answer in what Lexi could only assume to be in a nasty and rude way, Peter came through the door.

"Shelby phone, you can take it in the lounge," Lexi shook her head, realizing Peter had no clue what he had just interrupted

"Thanks Peter," Shelby picked up her sack and headed out the door without even glancing back at Lexi.

"So how was your first hike?" Peter looked over the rag doll like girl in front of him.

"It wasn't too much," Lexi said reading Peter's mind.

"Good, what about the rest of this week?" Lexi finished putting everything away and headed towards the door, "Has ignoring me ever worked before?"

"No but I was hoping just this once I could make you disappear," Lexi smiled sheepishly, then said under her breath, "I wish I could make life disappear."

"Too bad you can't," Peter joked as he sat down and motioned for Lexi to do the same, "You can't make me disappear and you definitely can't make life or the things that are bothering you disappear," Peter threw Lexi a soft smile as he took various items out of his own large sack.

"I'm fine," Lexi tried to convince herself more than Peter as she nervously twirled her frail hair which was too long for her still thin frame.

"I know its hard Lex, but some of the most rewarding and needed things in life are hard," Peter said in the fatherly tone he seemed to reserve for the Cliffhangers.

"I said I'm fine," She spat out bitterly before thinking about what he said, "You sound like a Hallmark Card," Lexi let a small grin creep onto her face as she examined her hair. She hadn't noticed it before, the way it fell just below her waist, the bottom a deep burgundy and the rest a funny orange color that could only be compared to a carrot.

"I try," Peter laughed as he examined the planner he had just pulled from his sack, "This is a really important week Lexi, do you think you're ready?"

"Not even close," Lexi said in a serious tone Peter had never heard her use before, "But, it has to be done right?"

"Lexi," Peter started in hopes of comforting her as Sophie and the rest of The Cliffhangers minus Shelby, Daisy, Trent and Scott made their way into the shed.

"I'm fine Peter," Lexi smiled a sad smile and pulled her hair back tightly and made her way to the door.

"Lex," Peter called after her, Lexi stopped in the doorway and took in her friends and the trees around her, refusing to turn to face Peter, for fear of crying. "Fine is a four letter word."

With that Lexi let out a sad tired laugh and headed to the shower.

Lexi found herself in a sort of trance that carried her straight from the shed to her dorm without noticing anyone she passed in between. Everything spun and her mind was covered in a thin film that blocked out anything that didn't revolve around the case.

Lawyers

Judge

Jury

Mom

Greg

Drugs

Sex

Calories and Cuts

Diets and Burns

Sophie

Peter

Horizon

Home

Lexi's mind was being pulled in several different directions as she shut the bathroom door and pulled off her grimy hiking clothes. She felt trapped in a sort of damned if you do damned if you don't feeling, knowing that in two days her life was going to change forever. The only comfort she found was in the steam, the scalding water burning away each thought until she was left alone, no thoughts, no fears, only an endless amount of dirt circling the drain.

As Lexi slowly dressed herself she could hear her bunkmates on the other side of the door arguing over the shower. She felt better than she had in a while and all the spinning and trances and racing thoughts had left. "This must be the quiet before the storm," Lexi said to herself as she avoided the mirror on her way out of the bathroom.

"Took you long enough Bones," Shelby said as she shot Lexi a harsh look, which seemed to upset Juliette more than it did Lexi.

"Why do you always have to be so mean to everyone?" Juliette whined taking Shelby's nasty comment as a personal attack.

"Why are you always sticking up for her Queenie? What is there an unwritten code that binds all food freaks?" Shelby watched as the fire in Juliette's eyes sparked up. As much as she hated Juliette Shelby hated Lexi even more.

Before Juliette could jump in for the second round of Shelby vs. Juliette, Lexi jumped in to end the argument.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had been in there so long," Lexi said easing the tension a little.

Shelby was taken back and in away disappointed, "You better be," was all she said before she grabbed her things and head off to the bathroom.

"What a B…." Juliette started the moment she heard the door shut.

"Don't ok," Lexi surprised herself and everyone else by sticking up for Shelby.

"She is," Juliette continued ignoring the warning glances she was getting from the remaining girls.

"So are you, so am I, so is Daisy for that matter, sorry Dais," Lexi turned her attentions from the shocked Juliette, to the proud Daisy, and all the way over to Kat who trying desperately to mind her own business, "The only one of here who is even partially decent is Kat, so just back off."

Lexi took her hair out of the towel, picked up her food journal, and left the cabin without so much as a look back at her surely stunned roommates. As she walked unhurried around the edge of the campus waiting for Trent to catch up to her and give her crap for standing him up, Lexi scanned each and every page in her food journal. Numbers were the only thing that made sense to her, not people, not her own feelings, but calories and carbs. Each set of numbers could tell you exactly how she had been feeling that day, certain days were higher than others, while some could tell you rather or not she had been stressed or relaxed. As Lexi pondered her numbers and her weight which she could only guess was through the roof. With everything that was going on Lexi felt as big as a house. The only thing that she thought could even begin to help her was a nice run.

She ran and ran trying to burn off everything she couldn't control. She ran past Peter's office, down and around the lake where she saw Daisy and Shelby talking on the docks, past the main lodge, all of the dorms, she ran until she couldn't breath and every unclean thought caught up to her. It felt as if she couldn't catch her breath, as if a very fat man was sitting on her chest. Lexi doubled over her eyes filling up with tears as she tried to find any sort of breath. The whispers were growing and Lexi knew she had to look like a fool huffing and wheezing in the middle of the commons.

"What's wrong?" Trent asked as he stood her up and placed her head on his shoulder taking her food journal which was clutched furiously in her right hand.

Lexi didn't say a word, "Come on you guys we have a Cliffhangers meeting," Ezra said guiding the two back to the main lodge. Lexi stayed silent as they walked, drying her tears and trying to control her breathing.

"Come on Cliffhangers, shake a leg," Sophie smiled as she set up the last of the chairs for their group meeting.

Lexi and Trent sat in the two chairs farthest from Peter and Sophie in hopes of hiding Lexi's puffy eyes and slightly runny nose. Luckily for her she had gotten control of herself before they had reached the lodge. As Lexi sat waiting for the reason behind the impromptu group she noticed Trent's inability to sit still. Every time she looked over a him which was frequently he was either twitching or cracking his knuckles or tapping his foot furiously against the floor.

"What is up with..." Lexi began to whisper when she spotted Peter heading their way.

"Hey gang," Peter smiled noticing the not so thrilled looks on each Cliffhangers' face.

"Yo Peter, I thought group wasn't until after dinner tonight," Auggie said in an annoyed and sleepy voice as if this meeting had interrupted a much needed nap.

"This isn't group Auggie, this is a Cliffhanger meeting called by Juliette," Peter clarified and as he did every group member turned their head in Juliette's direction. "Tell us why were here Jules."

Juliette shifted awkwardly in her seat before she spoke, "I'm worried about Lexi and Shelby."

Lexi and Shelby gave each other a quick look of confusion and then stared Juliette down with looks that could kill if need be.

"Ok," Peter said feeling the mounting pressure in the room, "Can either one of you tell us why Jules might be worried?" Peter had in fact been worried about the two girls himself but hoped he would have had the chance to talk to them without everyone else around.

"Because she's a nosy Bit…"

"Finish that sentence Shelby and you'll be on shuns for a week?" Peter threw Shelby who was obviously fuming a warning glance, "How about you Lex?"

"I told her she was a bitch and that's apparently not like me," Lexi said bitterly, hoping Peter would give her Shelby's shuns.

Everyone in the group looked at her with stunned expression because in all reality the way she was acting wasn't typical Lexi. Shelby broke out into laughter which was cut short by Peter's firm voice, "Lexi you just earned yourself shuns for a week starting after dinner."

Lexi smiled at him and shot back, "Oh goodie I guess this means I can't go to the trial," With that Lexi got up and walked out of the room leaving her group including Peter and Sophie once again stunned.

Trent stood up to follow her but was cut off by Shelby who bolted out right behind her. As soon as both girls had left the room Ezra shot Juliette a look and giggled, "Smooth Jules."

Lexi took off again this time in a dead sprint, which Shelby could barely keep up with. She ran behind the Cliffhanger dorms right up to the edge of the woods and then plopped down on the ground, with Shelby wheezing and falling onto the ground beside her.

"You're fast," was all Shelby could get out between breaths.

"I try," Lexi laughed, "You hate me, what are you doing here?"

"I'm not sure," Shelby said in a slightly less bitter voice than she usually used when she spoke to Lexi.

"I can't believe I called her that," Lexi said putting her head down in shame.

"I thought it was funny and kinda true," Shelby smiled for a brief second then put her normal scowl back on.

"Not really, you and I are worse than she is."

"You're joking right, I mean I am but you, you and Kat have reached sainthood or something."

At that both girls began to laugh as if they were actual friends.

"As much as I don't want to ruin this whole not arguing thing, I need to talk to you," the smile had left Lexi's face and the deep breaths she kept taking in gave Shelby a bad feeling.

"Ok?" Shelby said examining her shoes which had been scuffed during the run from the main lodge.

"I'm sorry about what your stepdad did to you," Lexi said twirling her fingers around her hair.

"I have no clue what you're talking about Bones," Shelby said hoping to get Lexi to back off.

Lexi ignored the hint to drop the subject, "I'm sorry he touched you, made you feel dirty, that he hurt…"

"Shut up!! You don't know me, you don't know anything,"

"Don't know you?! I am you! I'm Scott too! Instead of going through whatever the heck your freak out was about on the way to Dog's Peak alone, I wanted stupidly to know I was here for you," Lexi sat down quickly and shut her mouth so Shelby could think as she paced back and forth.

"I really don't know what you're talking about, you freak. Why don't you go eat a sandwich or something and worry about your own sucky life?"

"Call me names, make fun of me if you want but I know I'm right. I know why you hate me and why Scott originally hated you." Lexi stood up and blocked her pacing pass, "It's in the eyes and you know it's true. Your filth, the thing that the shower can never get clean, it's in your eyes. Most people just don't look close enough."

"You are way off base Bones," Shelby turned to leave regretting that she had followed Lexi out of the meeting.

"You keep telling yourself that, you can avoid it if you like, I can't unfortunately."

"I'm sorry your life sucks but don't pull me into your problems," Shelby shouted feeling guilty and confused as she left Lexi by the edge of the woods by herself.

Lexi sat for awhile debating whether or not she could handle a meal. In the end she repressed her nasty side sinking into her usual sweet self and headed towards the main lodge for dinner.

Nothing she felt had ever given her the right to talk to anyone the way she had Juliette and Peter, and she knew she wouldn't feel better until she apologized to both of them. Lexi choked back vomit as she picked up her tray, with all the stress she was under nothing looked or smelled good. She took her normal seat next to Trent who had a Paranoid sort of expression on his face, Lexi wanted to ask him what was up with him lately but couldn't due to the shuns she had gotten on purpose.

"Hey Carrot-cake," Trent tapped her arm, "You left this," He handed her the food journal he took after her run.

As she took the journal she gave him a delicate smile and a quick kiss on the cheek which seemed to lift both of their spirits if only for a moment. Lexi looked around the table and as she expected Juliette's eyes were burning a hole through her. She sat for a moment and stared at her plate before deciding that it wasn't even worth cutting into a thousand pieces. Instead of pretending to eat she picked up her food journal and placed straight zeros for every category, there was no point in lying with a table full of witnesses. Lexi got up, took her tray back to the food line, and sat it down right in front of the person who had dished it out.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lexi heard the moment she turned to go back to her table, "Well?"

Lexi looked Sophie right in the face and handed her the food journal. Sophie took one look and motioned for Lexi to follow her. Lexi knew exactly where she was being lead and didn't look up once as they traveled. As soon as they stopped walking Lexi was unpleasantly surprised. Instead of standing in front of the administrative building where Peter's office was, she was in front of the infirmary, the only place she avoided like the plague on the entire campus.

As they walked inside Lexi had a strange flashback to her time in the hospital after she was found, "Dear? Hello? Anyone in there?" Lexi was snapped out of her daydream by the sweet yet low voice of Nurse Margret.

"So you're not eating?" Nurse Margret asked more to herself than to Lexi as she pulled out her scale and motioned for Lexi to get on.

"109lbs, that's only a few lbs less than last time, but you have to be careful skipping meals and such," Lexi stepped off the scale and stood next to Sophie who had situated herself near Nurse Margret's desk. Lexi felt as if someone had killed the cat she didn't own, 109 just wasn't acceptable, it wasn't right, nothing was the way it was supposed to be. Lexi began hyperventilating, the thoughts that had plagued her about the upcoming week had returned with a vengeance. The fight or flight impulse triggered in her mind and Lexi took off running towards the woods, with Sophie on her tail. Lexi ran as fast as she could hoping to lose not only Sophie but the demons that haunted her very existence. She made it as far as she could and a quarter into the woods with the oncoming darkness looming just around the corner Lexi collapsed and vomited a large puddle on the forest floor.

Sophie stopped short of the broken little girl and watched not exactly sure of what she should do.

Lexi stood for a moment took two steps further and fell. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," She cried as Sophie kneeled in front of her, pulling her tightly into a hug she couldn't refuse. They sat like that for mere moments before Peter joined them.

"Come on, lets get you cleaned up," was all Peter said as he and Sophie helped her to her feet.

As they walked Lexi felt ashamed at her own weakness. Even with all the shame pushing down on her Lexi couldn't help but smile a small smile and feel safe with Peter and Sophie on either side of her.

"What's going on?" Peter asked as they had all gotten comfy in their respective places in his office. Lexi just stared at him not knowing exactly what to say. "That's another thing instead of a week of shuns, I'm giving you a week of laundry, seeing as you wanted shuns for whatever reason. I'm not always as dumb as I look," Peter smiled trying to help Lexi feel relaxed enough to open up, "Talk to me Lex, talk to us."

Lexi stared at her feet as she curled into a ball on the couch trying desperately to avoid the both of them.

"Lex? What are you sorry for?" Sophie asked with the caring motherly voice that reminded her so much of Phee.

"I can't do it," Lexi said trying to hold back the tears she felt burning behind her eyes, "I can't do it, I can't face him, I'm a freak."

"Oh Lexi," Sophie said scooting closer and pulling her into another warm and much needed hug.

"Lexi you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for," Peter said as he moved from behind his desk to right in front of her.

"I'm scared," Lexi looked up from her feet and straight into Peter's eyes.

"I'd be more worried if you weren't," Peter joked taking one of her hands, "Lex this isn't going to be easy or pleasant but once it's finished you're going to feel better I promise."

"I'm never going to get to go home am I?" Lexi sat up straight trying to somehow make herself a worthy opponent for the upcoming trial.

"I don't know Lex," Peter answered even though he knew no matter what she wasn't going to be welcomed back by her mother.

"Everything is gonna change Lexi, I don't want to scare you anymore than you already are but it is," Sophie released her from the hug and wiped the tears off of the girls cheeks as if she had given birth to her, "I know you can handle this after everything you've been through, I think you can handle anything."

After a half an hour or so Sophie walked Lexi back to her dorm. As they approached the doors Lexi could hear her bunkmates, mostly Juliette, chatting away as if they didn't have a care in the world.

As soon as Sophie left Lexi went straight over to Juliette who was sitting at her desk brushing hair with such intensity one would think that's how you cure world hunger.

"Jules I'm really sorry for what I called you, I was way out of line," Lexi stood as still as stone unable to read the look Juliette was giving her.

After a good minute of staring her down Juliette finally said something, "It's ok I mean we all have our moments."

"So we're cool? Just like that?" Lexi asked completely surprised.

"Yep," Juliette smiled her large fake Juliette smile.

Lexi smiled back at her then moved on tot the second person on her list, "Hey Shelby?"

"What?" Shelby snapped, "Are you going to apologize Bones? Because if you are you can just..."

"No actually, I can't apologize for the truth." Lexi noticed Shelby's eyes were slightly red and puffy as if she'd been crying, "If you need anything..."

"I won't!"

"Well just in case I'm here," Lexi turned and slipped into her pajamas and curled under the safety of her blankets.

The night ticked by slowly and Lexi found her self to nervous to sleep. It was rounding three in the morning and Lexi was still awake counting Daisy's snores and Kat's mutters in the darkness.

On number 203 for Daisy, Lexi heard a tap on her window.

"Carrot-cake pssssttt, you awake?" Trent's voice came through a small crack in her window.

Lexi opened her curtain very sure she was just hearing things and to her great surprise Trent was standing outside her window waving for her to come out.

Lexi slipped on a flannel shirt over her tank top, slipped on her shoes, and quietly snuck out of her dorm.

"Trent?" Lexi whispered as she reached the space in between her dorm and his, "Trent?"

"Hey beautiful," Trent smiled a devilish smile as he took Lexi by the back of the neck and dipped her ending in a kiss.

"What are you doing?!" Lexi said forcing him to break the kiss and let her back up.

"Nothing just saying hi to my girl," Trent had a wild look in his eye that Lexi had never seen before.

"Your girl?" Lexi asked cautiously eyeing him up and down trying to figure out if he was high, "I thought we talked about this, that we can't yet."

"I know but I was thinking and I think that might be stupid anyway that's not the reason I wanted you to come out," Trent smiled picking up the guitar Lexi had failed to notice along with his notebook.

"Ok? Why did you want me to break curfew for then?" Lexi asked as he started walking off.

Lexi followed him as quickly as she could, seeing as he was power walking in the dark.

"Hello Earth to Sweetpotato what are you doing? What are we doing?" Lexi caught up to him but he just shaking his head as if he were disagreeing with someone she couldn't see.

Finally they stopped at the docks, "It's safer here," Trent said as he sat down and motioned for Lexi to do the same.

"Safer for what?" Lexi asked. It was the first time in her life that Trent was actually the one scaring her.

"I need your opinion, I wrote some songs, actually I wrote a lot of songs like 17 in the last two weeks," Trent smiled as he unpacked Lexi's guitar.

"17! When the heck do you sleep?" Lexi asked becoming more and more worried as the seconds ticked by.

"I don't, I don't know I've just been inspired lately, way too inspired to sleep," Trent laughed wildly, "Will you tell me what you think of them? I mean I wrote some duets and some for you and then some for me."

"Trent I think we need to go to bed Sweetpotato," Lexi tried to reason with him.

"Live a little Lex, I mean you have today and then tomorrow and then you leave for what's probably gonna be the worst few days of your life. You need to live a little!!" Trent smiled his big goofy smile. Usually his dreamy smile would make Lexi melt like a school girl but she could feel that something was off.

"Trent I think we should go before the staff make their rounds," Lexi pleaded with Trent trying to get him to see reason.

Trent laughed and started playing the guitar rather loudly, "Don't worry," he said in a sing song voice, "They don't make rounds down here until five, we're good."

Lexi was fed up and worried about not only getting caught but about Trent's sanity. She had noticed little odd things about him in the past two or so weeks but hadn't thought much of it until that moment.

"What are you on and who the Hell gave it to you?" Lexi asked partly angry and partly wanting to score.

"I'm fine, I just feel so good, don't you?" Trent laughed wildly again, put the guitar down and took Lexi's hands and spun her around and around.

Lexi loved it when he danced with her but the last thing she needed was to get distracted when something was obviously wrong with her Sweetpotato.

"Fine is a four letter word," Lexi said in a serious tone reminding both herself and Trent of the counselors.

"Oh, ok Sophie thanks," He joked trying to get her to just let go.

For the first time since she'd been back Lexi's mind was on something other than the trial, and as grateful her brain was for that break, she couldn't help but be really worried about Trent. She had never even seen him like that when they were high. As much as she hated the idea she decided the only way to figure out what was going on was to get Peter.

"I'll be right back ok, just wait here," Lexi said as calmly as she could.

"Where are you going?" Trent asked in a paranoid tone.

Lexi had to think quickly, before he decided to run or do something stupid, "I have to go get the violin so we can work on those songs, I'll be right back ok?"

Trent smiled as wide as his face would allow him, "Hurry back ok."

Lexi nodded and took off in the dark as fast she could to Peter's office, praying that it was his or Sophie's night for rounds.

In a matter of minutes Lexi was pounding on Peter's office door.

"Lexi? What's going on why are you out of bed?" a slightly groggy Peter asked extremely shocked to see Lexi at his door at 3:45am.

Lexi tried to catch her breath and explain at the same time but had little to no luck.

"Slow down whats wrong with Trent?" Peter asked trying to put together what little bit he had gotten out of her.

"I don't know what it is but he hasn't slept in at least a week if not longer and he was talking crazy by the river and he's been fidgeting a lot lately and I thought he was just high but now I don't think so," Lexi took a large breath and tried to hold back her newly forming tears.

"Where is he?" Peter was wide awake as off her last rant and ready to do whatever he needed to help one of his students.

"He's down by the docks," Lexi followed Peter as he flung out the door, his radio in one hand and a flashlight in the other.

Lexi followed Peter down to docks, "He was right there," Lexi said as her heart began to race so hard she could hear it in her ears.

"The guitar is still here he couldn't have gone far," Peter said trying to reassure the obviously shaken Lexi, "You did the right thing coming to get me."

"I hope so," Lexi said under her breath as she went closer to the lake hoping that he wasn't to dive in since winter wasn't quite over yet.

"Trent?" Peter shouted once or twice before radioing Rodger who was thankfully in town and could be there to help them search in a mere half an hour.

Lexi looked out into the water praying that he hadn't been that stupid, when she noticed something pale out in the middle of the lake. "Oh my Lord, Peter!!" Lexi screamed pointing to the sot out in the distance.

"We may need a paramedic," Peter transmitted to Rodger before handing the flashlight and radio off to Lexi and jumping into the lake.

Lexi had only prayed once before in her life and the closer Peter got to the mysterious object she could only assume was Trent her prayers became more and more frantic.

Lexi could have killed Trent when she saw Peter helping him swim back to the shore.

"What is wrong with you?!" Lexi shouted as Peter helped the soaking wet Trent onto the docks.

"It just seemed like a good idea," Trent laughed as he shook extra water off himself.

"You could have drowned," Lexi cried.

"Nothing can touch me Carrot-cake, I'm on top of the world," Trent leaned into kiss Lexi who pushed him away, "Come on don't be like this," Trent tried to kiss her again but Peter pulled him back.

"Come on lets get to my office now," Peter said in a firm tone he rarely used.

Trent was the only one who talked as the trio walked up to the administration building.

Once in Peter's office Lexi took her normal seat on Peter's couch and watched as Peter handed Trent dry clothes and abundance of towels.

Once they were both dry Trent started pacing up and down the office, making not only Lexi but Peter very uneasy as well.

"Come on, Trent take a seat so we can talk about why you haven't been sleeping," Peter said as calmly as he could.

"Did she tell you? I knew she would, she can't keep a secret, that is unless she's keeping it from me," Trent kept pacing but every time he faced Lexi he gave her a scowl that would make Shelby shiver.

"Trent Lexi is just worried about you, so just tell us what you're on so we can help you out."

"I'm not on anything, I already told her that!" Trent shouted in Lexi's direction.

"Come on Trent it's me, just tell me what you're on," Peter was slowly but surely losing his patience.

"I'm not on anything!!" Trent screamed as he began knocking over chairs and throwing pairs in the air.

"Calm down, please calm down," Lexi cried as she got up from the couch and made her way over towards the area in Peter's office where he was trying to get a good hold of Trent who was clearly out of control.

Before she knew what happened Lexi was flat on her back, her wrist throbbing. In all the confusion Rodger showed up along with an ambulance and Lexi had ended up on the floor by Trent's hands.

Things were moving to quickly for Lexi and all she could really remember clearly was putting her foot down with Peter about going with Trent to the hospital.

After a few hours of endless exercise Lexi sat down long enough to hear what the Doctor had told Peter.

"So, He doesn't think it's drugs," Peter said to Lexi's amazement, "They won't know for sure until all the tests come back but the Doctor thinks Trent might be Manic Depressive."

"What does that mean? What the heck is that?" Lexi asked in a panicked tone.

"He wants Trent to stay for a few days in their Psychiatric Ward for observation. They have Doctors who will evaluate and help him," Peter and Rodger sat on either side and tried their best to comfort her.

Lexi became instantly numb, "What is Manic Depressive?" Lexi asked in a dry tone.

"It's most commonly called Bipolar disorder, Lex and if that is what Trent has its very manageable."

"Can I have five dollars please?" Lexi asked as if she hadn't even been paying attention to a word Peter said.

"What for?" Rodger asked concerned by her sudden cold exterior.

"I'm hungry, I didn't eat dinner last night so calorie count is really low," Lexi eyed Peter who she knew made the final decision, "Please."

Peter sat for a minute and thought out every scenario in his mind before answering, "You have fifteen minutes to get a small snack and Rodgers going with you."

"Ok," Lexi said coolly as she watched Peter hand the five dollars over to Rodger.

Lexi and Rodger walked in silence down the hall towards the elevator. Right before the stairwell which was located across from a set of elevators, Lexi spotted her only chance to feel anything that night. She took the five dollars and hoped that Rodger would some how get hit by a car in the middle of the hospital that way she could be alone. After several buttons Lexi had one bag of chips, two candy bars, and three hostess cakes.

It took Lexi less then three minutes to devour the full five dollars worth of junk, "Can I be excused?" Lexi asked the rather large black man who was supposed to be watching her and keeping her from doing exactly what she wanted.

"I don't think so Lex," Rodger smirked looking at the frail and scared girl in front of him.

"Please I'll be two seconds, I just think I started my period," Lexi frowned on the outside yet smiled on the inside, watching him squirm at the thought. Lexi knew full well and Peter did too that she couldn't get her period but from Rodgers expression, she had a feeling she might actually be able to get what she needed out of all the food she ate.

"Three minutes tops and I'm trusting you not to do anything you know you shouldn't," Rodger said suspiciously.

"Ok," Lexi headed to the nearest women's restroom, found the cleanest stall, and stuck her fingers down her throat for the second time ever in her entire life. After wiping her face with a paper towel Lexi continued to gag herself until she found the release she needed, until she was cleansed.

"Why is everything so complicated?" Lexi asked herself as she wiped her face and rinsed her mouth. Trent was in the hospital and wasn't going to be out before she left. Everything sucked and Lexi knew it, she didn't want to leave without seeing her Sweetpotato but she could tell by the way Peter was looking at her as she and Rodger came back up the hall that she would have no choice.

"I can't wait to see how this all turns out," Lexi said sarcastically under her breath as she sat in between Rodger and Peter, waiting for more news from Trent's Doctor.

PLEASE RESPOND I REALLY DO APPRICEATE ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS AND ADVICE!!

-- Sadclown18


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys I know I've been gone awhile but I will continue this story. I hope you guys like the developments so far because the angst does not stop here.

Disclaimer- I don't own any core characters, just Trent, Lexi, their families, and any characters you've never heard of before.

As the four of them stood outside the courthouse Lexi tried to remember the blur that had been the ride from Horizon to Oakland. She knew her poor memory had to have been caused by the fact she hadn't slept for more than three hours since the night Trent had his freak out. She had spent the last few nights jogging trying to shake her fears of the trial and her worries for Trent.

All Lexi could do was stare mindlessly at the large white building as busy lawyers and judges hurried up and down it's great stairs.

"You ready?" Peter asked with the gentle serene smile Lexi had seen a million times before.

"Not even a little bit," Lexi smiled her sad smile avoiding the gaze of not only Peter but Rodger and Nurse Margret as well, "But I guess I have no choice."

"There's always a choice Lex," Rodger chuckled throwing his arm around her thin shoulders.

Lexi rolled her eyes she had somehow forgotten how similar Peter and Rodger were.

"It's now or never," She whispered to herself as she slowly began up the steps that led to the courthouse. Each step added another weight to the invisible bar on her back and by the time she made it to the top Lexi felt as if she would collapse. Peter noticed the wobble in her stance and quickly came to her open side ready for if and when she fell.

"I'm proud of you Lex," Peter grinned softly at her.

"Why?" Lexi asked still ashamed of all the things she had been told she had no control of.

"How could I not be?" Peter asked with a slight chuckle as he took her left hand and Rodger took her right.

The feeling of their hands in hers eased the tension building in her head and calmed down the sound of her heart which had been bellowing in her ears since they arrived in Oakland.

Taking one more large breath before entering the last place she wanted to be Lexi allowed her mind to wander to Trent, to where he was and what he was doing. She wished if anything she could be with him, helping him, loving him, instead of being where she was.

Trent sat limply, his body hunched over his pillow, his physical being trapped in his hospital room but his mind wandering between home and Lexi.

"Earth to Trent?" an odd looking green haired teen smiled waving his large hands in front of Trent's face.

"Marco I'm not blind," Trent laughed pushing his roommate's hands out of his face.

"Maybe just brain dead then," Marco smiled his pretty boy smile as he plopped down on his own bed.

"Maybe," Trent whispered to himself his mind slipping back into his thoughts of home and Lexi.

"They're never going to let you leave man," Marco said as he threw a pillow at Trent's head.

"Maybe," Trent said in a quiet whisper his hand mindlessly pulling up his shirt just enough to expose the scars blanketing the skin that just barely covered his thin frame.

"You're hopeless dude," Marco smiled his eyes taking in his odd new roommate, "And wicked sick!"

Trent snapped out of his trance and immediately pulled his shirt down and sat straight up giving himself a rigid appearance.

"We all have our odd habits," Marco smiled sympathetically as his own eyes grew slightly colder.

"What's yours?" Trent eased his body slightly.

Marco sighed loudly making both boys chuckle for a moment, "This place makes sense to me. Most people can't wait to get out and I just keep finding a way back in."

"That's how I feel about Horizon," Trent smiled thinking about his friends back home, "I don't think it's that weird."

"I also like men," Marco slipped out as if testing the waters. He quickly turned and walked to the only window in the blindingly white room. He kept his face hidden afraid to see Trent's reaction.

"I don't," Trent shrugged, "I guess that's one thing we don't have in common."

Marco turned around to find a large smile on Trent's face, "She's totally lucky dude… to have you I mean."

"Not really," Trent put his head down ashamed of himself.

"I know these things," Marco ran one of his oddly large hands through his forest green hair.

"Things have been a mess so far but I don't know… I hope," He smiled a sad smile that immediately reminded himself of Lexi.

"Can I ask you something?" Marco sat back down on his own bed.

"Sure," Trent hunched his body again.

"Why didn't you freak out, when I told you I was…" Marco looked away once again more embarrassed and ashamed of himself than anything Trent could say.

"When you told me you were gay or a homosexual whatever you want to call it?" Trent looked up at Marco his eyes hiding a pain he'd never really talked about before that moment.

"Yeah," Marco kept his head turned away.

"It's kind of complicated, but here's what I know," Trent took a deep breath unsure if the words could form properly in his mouth. "My father left when I was ten because no matter how much he loved me or no matter how much he had once loved my mom he knew he had to try to make himself happy. A few after Lexi's dad who had been my dad's best friend died he told my mom that he liked men that it had been a mistake lying to her for so many years and then he was gone."

"Was your dad in love with Lexi's dad?" Marco asked as tactfully as he could as he repositioned himself to face Trent.

"Probably but for better or worse Lexi's dad only had eye's for her mom, God only knows why." Trent felt an urge to cut at that very moment and it read clearly on his face, "If you had told me maybe three years ago I probably would have called you a fag or something really awful but now it's whatever. My dad needed to find a life that made him happy and unfortunately I wasn't part of that, I can't hate you or anyone else like you for his decision. Lexi helped me get past it."

"She's a lucky girl," Marco blushed quickly as he turned his head hoping Trent didn't see.

"Can I ask you something?" Trent asked ignoring the obvious and sudden awkwardness that had come upon them.

"Shoot."

"Why do you keep finding a way in?" Trent inquired, "I understand the safety part but Horizon is a home and this is… well this is a hospital which is almost as bad as Hell I'd say."

Suddenly stiff and unsure of how to begin Marco took a deep breath, "I guess this is the only place that's felt like home to me. For years I knew I was different everyone around me could tell I was different but no one ever said anything."

Marco paused gauging Trent's response, after only a few moments he took a deep breath and began again, "It was hard feeling like I would never fit in. I knew what my dad would say I had heard him use words like faggot and flamer in daily conversation. I was… I am ashamed. It only made sense to end it before I could disappoint him and my mother more than I already had."

Trent sat silently trying to make his face as impartial as ever fearing something in his face might frighten Marco into clamming up.

"I swallowed a bottle of aspirin," Marco went on, "I was in eighth grade. My parents couldn't understand why there slightly odd but in no way offensive son would do something so disgraceful." He laughed at his own sick joke, "I lived obviously, but seeing as my soul was already doomed for simply trying to end my life I went from one extreme to the other. I decided to live like I wanted since I was going to Hell anyway. I dyed my hair, I skipped school and did anything I could think of to prepare my parents for the moment I'd been dreading since they found me dressed in my older sister's clothes when I was seven."

Trent could see the pain on his roommate's face and hear the dread in his voice as he came to the climax of his story.

"I will never forget their faces or the way my mother clang to her crucifix as if it would somehow turn everything right again like it could somehow make my words untrue. My dad was too angry to speak, to hurt to look at me. I tried again that night hanging that time, which failed instantly, I was so angry I couldn't think all I wanted to do was be normal, to disappear. I remember going to the bathroom to check out the damage I'd done from the hanging, next thing I knew I was covered in blood. It's weird I can remember wanting to die but I can't remember picking up the razor my dad used to shave with, you know the old fashioned kind that easily popped out of the shaver?"

Trent nodded unsure of what else he could do or say.

"My mom walked in," Marco rolled up his sleeves to expose three thick and jagged scars, two on his left forearm and one on his left, "Trip number two. Since then it's just felt like there's a hole in my world, like a thin grey film clouds my eyes. That was three years ago, I know that what I feel is perverse and that I hurt the ones I love, I just wish I could get this whole death thing right so I could just let them be."

Marco suddenly looked up at Trent his eyes reminding him of a puppy who had been kicked one too many times. "I don't want to be here, but since I can't seem to do anything right this place is The Batcave in a way… a home where my secrets can live free and I can simply breathe."

Marco smiled timidly as Trent thought of the right words, "Dude that sucks ass," is all he could come up with. Both of them ended up falling off their beds they laughed so hard. They both knew nothing about their conversation had been funny but they laughed all the same. As they began to pull themselves together Trent thought back on the look in Marco's eyes when he had finished his story, the sort of abused puppy look, he felt he had seen that look a thousand times before in someone else's eyes, in Lexi's eyes. Trent let himself wander from the hospital again his mind desperately trying to find Lexi and her sad yet beautiful eyes.

As the day wound down Lexi and the small group with her made their way from the court house to the motel a few streets away. Peter checked the rear-view mirror several times in the few minutes it took them to get to their destination as if afraid if e didn't check Lexi would disappear. Lexi sat as stone with a puzzled look on her face, her thoughts were murky and she knew better than trying to talk about them, knew better than trying to figure them out after the day she had.

She moved in a haze too tired and broken to do anything more than shower and sleep. The scalding water brought her out of her trance slightly but not enough for her to feel anything more than just the burning of the shower on her pale skin. "I guess I understand why he cuts now," Lexi whispered to herself as she curled into a ball on the floor of the shower, "Only pain you can control and what not."

She laid naked and ashamed until the water ran from scalding hot to icy cold. When she found some sort of strength to get off the floor Lexi dressed quickly ignoring the mirrors in the tiny bathroom. She didn't know why, because in her life she had spent so much time judging and picking herself apart in front of the mirror, but she hadn't been able to look at herself once since she'd returned from her nearly deadly trip home. Lexi ignored the plate of food Nurse Margret had left for her choosing instead to hide under the crusty blankets and faded pillows on the small bed closest to the inner wall until sleep overtook her.

"You liked it," Greg whispered in her ear, "Why are you lying, you little slut?"

"I didn't," Lexi whimpered as she hung limply in her cage, the smell of her own rotting flesh and waste making her so nauseous it was hard to focus.

"Daddy loves you, he would never hurt you," he said as he began kissing her roughly in places a father should never kiss his daughter. Lexi shook with fear as he pulled away; she knew all too well what was going to happen next. A terrified gasp of air escaped Lexi's mouth and her stepfather smiled a deviously pleased smile mistaking her fear for pleasure and excitement. Lexi held back her tears knowing they would only excite him more. As he ripped her underwear from her Lexi couldn't help but scream. It was everything she had feared and everything she had tried to keep out of her mind early in the day. She couldn't control him and it killed her, the fact that he owned every inch of her body made her scream more violently. His hands grabbing at her pulling her closer to him that way they would fit together in a way that should never be. The tears came as she felt him inside of her taking things that did not belong to him.

"Lexi open your eyes," a warm and gentle voice called in the distance. Everything around her began to shake though she could still feel him his breath on her neck and his body pressed against hers. "Come on Lex," the warm voice called again a little clearer and closer than before. Everything faded to black as she recognized Peter's calm voice calling her out of her painful nightmare. "You are stronger than he is Lex," Peter said firmly his hand reaching out to her in the darkness. Lexi took his hand and opened her eyes slowly afraid that her nightmares had somehow come to life again.

"See," Peter smiled cautiously, "You're stronger than he ever gave you credit for."

The tears in her dream snuck in on her in that instant and it became hard for her to see the blurred figures of Rodger, Peter and Nurse Margret.

"Don't cry sweetheart," Nurse Margret said kindly putting her hand on Lexi's thin wrist trying to get an accurate pulse rate.

"I need to see him," Lexi barely managed to get out in between sobs, "I need my dad."

Peter's face morphed into something Lexi had never seen before though it was hard for her to see him now. It looked as if he was angry with her, trying to control himself, as if he was trying not to make her anymore upset.

"You can't do that Lexi, we've talked about this you can only see Greg in court."

"I don't ever want to see that piece of shit again!" Lexi let out, instantly ashamed of the words that she had spoken, not because they weren't true but because it was rude to speak like that.

"I don't understand," Peter spoke softer as the hard edge had left his face.

"He's buried near hear, please I need to see him, I can't go back to that fucking courthouse again without seeing him," Lexi immediately regretted her foul language as Peter's brow furrowed.

"I don't know Lex," Peter said mentally weighing all the possibilities. He looked down at the fragile girl still lying broken in his arms wishing, like he did most days, that he could make not only her pain, but all the pain the teens at Horizon felt disappear.

"I miss him Peter," Lexi choked out not sure how much emotional strength she had left in her.

Peter nodded once and without even bothering to clean herself up Lexi got up and headed to the door everyone following her to the car.

"I have one condition," Peter said calmly as he started the car.

Lexi nodded awkwardly, her head resting against the passenger window.

"You have to eat something, your count for the day is really low," Peter prepared himself for the usual protest from Lexi as they pulled out of the motel parking lot.

"Ok," Lexi said softly, surprising not only Peter but Rodger and Nurse Margret as well.

The silence was thick as they drove. The only sound was made by Lexi who was using her foggy memory to get them from point A to the gas station around the corner and then to point B. Lexi tore each animal crackers head off before eating them slowly in an attempt to calm her nerves. Her nerves only worsened as they drove down the small dirt path that lead to the main lot of the Three Trees cemetery.

"Are you sure about this Lex?" Peter asked as he put the car in park and shut off the headlights.

"No," Lexi sighed honestly, "I can't explain it, I just need him."

"Whenever you're ready," Peter smiled as he cut off the engine.

Lexi took in several deep breaths taking in her surroundings. After a few moments she got out of the car and started her slow walk through the grass. She let her clearest memory of the graveyard lead her. She smiled as a young Trent and Mr. McMillian came on either side of her, slipping their hands in hers, pulling her gently through the sea of grave stones. "It's ok, Carrot-cake," Trent whispered before he disappeared leaving her in front of a weed covered grave in the back of the main lot.

Lexi sank to her knees and began ripping the weeds mindlessly from her father's grave. Tears ran down her pale cheeks as she thought of the life he had lead.

Peter stood wordlessly in the background watching the fear and hatred pour out of her.

She only stopped when his full epitaph was able to be read.

"Porter Alfred Newman," Lexi read in a whisper to herself.

"_**Listen to the Mustn'ts child,**_

_**Listen to the Don'ts,**_

_**Listen to the Shouldn'ts **_

_**The Impossibles, the Won'ts**_

_**Listen to the Never Haves**_

_**Then listen close to me-**_

_**Anything can happen, child,**_

_**Anything can be."**_

"It's Shel Silverstein," Lexi turned and smiled at Peter her eyes still overflowing with tears, "It was his favorite poem. My mom had a conniption fit when she read what he had planned for his epitaph. She was so angry but my grandma made it make sense. She said how long he lived didn't matter to him it was that he had believed in his dreams."

Lexi turned back to face the large cold stone that marked where her father rested.

"I hate you!" She laughed unable to compose herself, "You left me alone, no worse than alone, you left me with her and she left me with him." Lexi slumped her shoulders unable to find the strength to sit properly. "I know you couldn't help it but, it hurts so bad to be here while you're there, half eaten and lonely. Why?" Lexi curled up to the stone trying to get as comfy as possible, "I don't hate you, I lied, I hate him. I hate that he tried to confuse me tried to tell me that you didn't love me right. I knew he was lying, you had your faults but I knew you loved me, I knew you loved me enough to try to protect me from anything that might hurt me even if those things never really existed." Her tears slowly faded away, "I miss you daddy," she whispered as she fell into a deep silence which turned into a dreamless sleep in front of her father's grave.

Peter stood dazed and heartbroken as he thought over the things she'd been waiting years to say. He had for some odd reason thought there would be more, that she would have been angrier and cruel in her word choices. He watched for a minute as her tiny body tried desperately to keep breathing. As Peter carried her back to the others he couldn't help but believe that anything was possible for Lexi.

She slept through the night and when it was time to go back to that dreaded courthouse she got ready with a large smile on her face, the scars Greg had given her not weighting quite as heavily as they had the night before.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys I know it took me awhile to get this chapter out but I just moved across the country sorry.

Disclaimer- same old story I don't own Higher Ground just Lexi, Trent, and the other characters you've never heard of.

"I don't want to talk about it Peter," Trent said from the passenger seat of the old school pickup.

"I'm not gonna push, but I am worried about you man," Peter turned to look over at the pale boy next to him.

"Don't be, it's not a big deal," Trent lied as the truck came to a stop in front of the administrative building, "I just want to sleep right now."

Trent jumped out of the truck and headed toward the Cliffhanger dorms before Peter could start up again. He felt as if everything including himself had slowed to a crawl since the last time he took the path that led through campus and up to his cabin door. He took a deep breath before opening the door knowing his roommates would have a million questions.

"Hey guys," Trent said as softly as possible once he made it in the door. His roommates were in the bathroom getting ready for classes, "Perfect," Trent whispered to himself making his way as quickly as possible to the safety of his own bed. He pulled the blankets over his head and pretended to be asleep until he knew they were all gone. It took him a good hour to fall into a restless sleep, the image of a fading teen invading his dreams.

"Do you think he's dead?"

"Nah, maybe a comma,"

"Someone should poke him with a stick just to make sure," Trent threw his pillow at the group hovering at the end of his bed.

"Poke me and die," He sat up and gave the laughing group a cross look before disappearing under his covers again.

"Chill T we were just kidding," Auggie said as he tossed the pillow back on Trent's bed.

"I'm just tired is all," Trent sat up again preparing himself once again for them to unload questions on him.

"Dude, it's almost dinner time," Scott said taking in how much paler Trent had become, "Are you sick or something?"

"Or something," Trent rolled his eyes as he got out of bed and changed his clothes, "So what happened while I was gone?" He asked as he made his way to the door relieved he was the one asking questions and not the other way around.

"Nothing much," Ezra chimed in from the back of the group as they headed towards the main lodge; "Scott and Shelby aren't talking… still."

"That's none of your business man," Scott stopped in the middle of the quad and turned as if to hit Ezra, "So you better stay out of it."

Scott stormed off ahead of the rest of the boys, "He's a little sensitive about the whole thing," Ezra chimed in once Scott was out of hearing range.

"I can see that," Trent felt a little bit of a laugh come up in his throat but he stifled it quickly, "So what else happened?"

"Hmm nothing much, Lexi got back from court a few days ago," Ezra started as they walked into the noisy cafeteria.

"I missed her," Trent said openly not afraid of being seen as weak or strange. His eyes searched the cafeteria for his redheaded love but she was nowhere to be found.

"You're not gonna find her in here," Auggie put one hand on Trent's shoulder to comfort and brace him for the seemingly bad news that was sure to come.

"Why not?" Trent asked still searching for her hoping she was just a little late or in the bathroom.

"She's on meal time restrictions; she's not doing so well, whatever happened in that courtroom really messed with her," Auggie shook his head unsure why Juliette or Lexi would hurt themselves with food.

"Where is she?" Trent asked not paying attention to the food they were putting on his plate.

"She's in the infirmary but she can't see anyone until her meal is over," Ezra jumped back into the conversation as they headed to their normal table.

"This sucks!" Trent huffed as he took his normal seat. It felt odd to be back at Horizon especially to be back and not have Lexi with him even if it was only for an hour or so, "Oh, hey guys."

"It's for her own good," Kat jumped in assuming Auggie told Trent about Lexi's restrictions, "She doesn't look well at all Trent… she's a mess."

"Jules have you ever had meal restrictions?" Trent mostly pushed his food around his plate as he thought of Lexi and others he cared about hurting.

"Yeah," Juliette said in a more frustrated tone than usual, "It sucks. I got put on it when I first got here. Two weeks eating every meal and snack with nurse Margret. You can't leave until you've finished everything and if you're weight is really low they give you a supplement and if that doesn't work they call a doctor and he sticks you with an IV." Juliette shivered at the memory of her own meal restrictions.

"A supplement?" Trent asked as he took a small bite of his meatloaf.

"It's awful, for someone like me or like Lexi it's like being tortured. It's this nasty drink they give to babies and people in third world countries to Help them gain wait!" Juliette pushed her tray away, the thought of her own meal restrictions made her feel sick to her stomach.

"You're asking a lot of questions for someone who just broke out of the mental hospital," Shelby's bitter voice came from the part of the table farthest away from Scott.

"That's my business, just like you and Scott's issues are your business," Trent hissed in her direction. He wasn't at all feeling like himself and hated to think on why he felt so angry.

"Actually it's pretty simple, I want two words and he just can't seem to give them up," Shelby shot Scott a nasty look before turning her attention back to Trent, "Your turn."

"I'm bi-polar or manic depressive or whatever," Trent became instantly enthralled by his meal and refused to look up at her. He had hoped that little bit was enough to shut her up, he didn't think he was ready to go into the real reason he was back home so early.

"That's it! That's all you're gonna give us?" Shelby thought for a moment then continued, "You don't want to talk about you hmm, well since Lexi isn't here we can talk about her some more. Let's see should we discuss the Ziploc bags full of vomit and food she's been hiding that Kat found in her dresser, that were weeks old, or the weight she's dropped, or how she refuses to eat, or how she refuses to speak, or how she cut off most of her hair, or how Freakin' over heard Sophie and Peter talking about sending her away? Lots to talk about there," Shelby smirked knowing she had pressed every button she could. She felt bad inside about it but knew she had to do something to keep from thinking about herself.

"I'll see you guys later," Trent said in a monotone voice as he got up from the table leaving his tray and his friends behind.

"Nice Shelby," Kat threw Shelby a nasty look before getting up and following Trent.

"Hey wait up!" Kat yelled as she jogged to catch up with an obviously hurt Trent.

Trent had expected one of them to follow him but he never thought it would be Kat. Trent stopped, "I don't want to talk Kat."

"I figured as much, so just listen ok?" Kat smiled sweetly, Trent nodded his head slowly, "I've been at this school for three years, and I've found that more often than not things have to get worse before they get better. Be patient with her and with yourself, you'll both get there."

Trent smiled for the first time in what felt like an eternity, "No wonder they call you Peter's pet," They both laughed and started walking again in silence.

"You can't visit her right now," Kat said as they started heading in the direction of infirmary.

"I figured as much," Trent said still heading towards the small brown cabin near the administrative building, "I have to take my medicine."

Kat got a confused look on her face and just as she opened her mouth to ask the obvious Trent jumped in, "It's for my manic-depression, you know so I don't crawl in a hole and die or go off the walls again." He felt silly talking about it, he always knew he would never be normal but he at least thought he wouldn't be considered crazy.

"How's that going?" Kat asked as they reached door of the infirmary.

"It's going," Trent said wishing he could think of a way to politely end their conversation.

"It will get easier I promise," Kat smiled again and Trent found it much harder to return it, "Hey I'll catch you in group I got dish duty all week."

Trent nodded and headed inside as Kat walked away he was glad to be alone but knew things wouldn't be better till he was with Lexi again.

He walked slowly and quietly towards the front desk in the small cabin where one of the other less popular nurses read a magazine.

"Hello Trent," Nurse Margret called as she came around the corner of the hall next to the front desk, "Are you here to take…"

"Yes… I mean yes I am," Trent fumbled as he cut off the sweet older nurse.

"Well if you just follow me we can get you on your way."

Trent followed closely behind her as she turned down the hallway and then a quick right into her office.

"Here we go child," Nurse Margret turned and smiled at Trent after rummaging through her cabinet for a few minutes.

"Uck," Trent's face contorted as the pill made its way from his throat to his stomach.

"It will get easier honey," Nurse Margret offered a comforting smile, "As long as you take them like you're supposed to."

"Aren't you supposed to be with Lexi?" Trent asked ignoring her seemingly comforting words.

"Well cut straight to the point don't we!" she laughed as she locked her cabinet back up, "If you must know one of the other nurses are with her right now… I had a feeling you'd be coming."

"Do you think I could see her?" Trent asked his eyes full of hope.

"Sorry sugar no can do, it's called restriction for a reason," Watching the hopeful look leave Trent's eyes Nurse Margret ended the conversation on a somewhat happy note, "She's almost done so she should be at group tonight, I'll make sure she makes it there."

"Thanks," Trent said as he turned to head off to group, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"It's a date," She laughed as she watched him head back the way they'd come.

As he walked back to the main lodge Trent thought about how much he'd missed the fresh air after being stuck inside for a good week or so. He had never realized how much he loved Horizon or nature until it was taken away from him.

"Where'd you run off to?" Ezra asked as Trent took one of the last seats in the group circle.

"Just around," Trent said quietly without looking up.

Ezra opened his mouth to ask another question when Sophie and Peter walked in the room.

"Alright group tonight we're going to do an oldie but a goodie," Sophie smiled a smile so chipper it made Shelby sick to her stomach, "We're playing a game of truth!"

Everyone groaned except Peter who took the seat next to Trent, "Come on guys this will be good."

With Peter's encouragement Sophie pulled out the basket, "The rules are simple…" Sophie started when the door to the main lodge opened.

"Sorry to interrupt," Nurse Margret said in her normal sweet tone, "It took a little longer than expected." With that most of the groups eyes followed the ghost like figure from the door to the chair directly across from Trent.

Trent kept his eyes focused on the floor as he heard the door close behind Nurse Margret. As much as he had missed her, he was afraid to look up, to see what might have become of the girl he loved.

"Like I was saying the rules are simple you must tell the truth. Now you guys these questions are meant to test you and you may not want to answer them but it is for the best, it helps you understand not only yourself but your peers," Sophie smiled from the chair next to the one Lexi had just taken. "You take one card, answer the question, and then pass the basket, you guys got it?"

The group nodded their heads in unison as Sophie passed the basket to Juliette.

"What is your greatest fear?" Juliette read in a more somber tone than usual, "I'm afraid that my mother will never be proud of me." Juliette sat and thought about her answer for a few seconds before nodding her head and passing the basket to a less than thrilled Daisy.

Trent had trouble concentrating his thoughts all ran together as he debated whether or not he should look up. He knew it wasn't her he was afraid of, but what she might see in him, he felt for the most part that she could see through him and at the moment he didn't know if he could handle that.

"And they say I'm twisted," Daisy finished making everyone but Trent and Lexi laugh.

"When was the lat time you cried and why?" Auggie read uncomfortably, "I guess the last time I got arrested before Horizon, because my moms had to see me get taken away. The look in her eyes crushed me."

Auggie passed the basket to Trent who kept his head down as he reached into the basket, "What kind of questions are these?" Trent asked as he read the question.

"They're the kind that are meant to push you meant to make you think," Peter said from beside him."

Trent sat looking at the card in silence for a little while unsure of how to answer the question without having a complete breakdown.

"What does it say?" a soft sad voice across from him forced him to look up.

His heart dropped and his defenses fell when he saw her. Lexi was just as much of a mess as the group had said earlier, but to Trent she was still the most beautiful person in the room. "Well?"

"Are you serious!? She doesn't speak for three days and he's here for two minutes and she's a regular jabber jaw?!" Shelby spat bitterly though rather unsurprised.

"What does it say sweet-potato?" Lexi asked again as if it were only her and Trent in the room. She had forgotten how good it felt to use her words, she was glad he was there, Lexi always felt safer when Trent was around.

Trent swallowed his fears and began to read; pretending the rest of the world had melted away leaving just the two of them, "When was the last time you felt like a failure?" Trent sat and thought as he stared into Lexi's emerald eyes.

After a little time went b Peter stepped in, "When was the last time you felt like you'd failed Trent?"

Trent made a short uncomfortable laugh, "I live in a constant state of failure. But I guess last night would be the most recent."

"What happened?" Lexi asked sweetly trying to give her love the courage she knew he needed.

Trent took another large breath before even attempting to answer, "While I was in the hospital I met this really great guy, he was gonna come here once he got out but he's not coming anymore," Trent stopped trying to choke back the tears he felt forming. He hated being viewed as weak and this made him feel as weak as Lexi looked, "He killed himself and it's my fault for not stopping him."

Everyone except Peter, Sophie, and Lexi's mouths' dropped open, "You can't control others," Lexi stated as Trent quickly passed the basket to Peter who passed it to Scott.

Scott quickly and unenthusiastically answered his question and then passed the basket to Ezra who passed the passed the basket to Shelby when he finished who passed it to Lexi when she was done.

"When was the last time you were proud of yourself?" Lexi read unhappily, "I've never been proud of myself, there's nothing in me to be proud of." Lexi finished and quickly passed the basket to Sophie refusing to look at anyone other than Trent.

Sophie sat uneasy for a moment before Shelby spoke up, "So does this mean we can go that group is over?"

"Not yet," Sophie said putting the basket on the floor behind her chair, "As a whole you guys were honest and had great attitudes there were a couple however I think need to be discussed deeper."

"What's there to discuss," Trent asked in an angry tone tearing his gaze away from Lexi for the first time since his question.

"How can you be responsible for some dude offing himself T?" Auggie jumped in before Sophie could say anything.

"He was my roommate, I knew he was having a tough day, a tough life, I walked in and knew he was up to something but decided to but out, when I came back in the room there was blood everywhere, and he died because I was afraid to say something to let him know I was worried. I failed," Trent hung his head too ashamed to look at anyone.

"If not while you were there he would have found away if he really wanted to die," Lexi said trying to easy Trent's pain, she hated to see him hurt; "we can't control others, right."

"That's right Lexi we can't control others actions only how we react," Sophie said in a serious tone as she turned her attention to Peter who now had his hand on Trent's shoulder trying to console an obviously distraught Trent, "Is there anything else you'd like to share Trent?"

"It's funny. Not funny haha but sick, they sent me back here even though they didn't think I was ready because they were afraid this would scar me," Trent laughed a sad anger filled laugh, "Scar me! His parents lost their only son and the staff was more worried about me then how they were going to take the news, this world is sick." Trent hung his head and began swatting the newly formed tears from his eyes. "I'm done."

"Ok then, Lexi," Sophie turned in her chair to face Lexi who was on her left side, "Why aren't you someone to be proud of?"

Lexi tensed up slightly, "Because I'm no good, I always ruin things, and I hurt people, I'm awful at everything."

"I'm proud of you," Trent spoke up softly trying to hold back the rage he felt and focus on his love, "You're the sweetest, smartest, kindest, most talented person I've ever met."

"You're a bad liar," Lexi said dryly refusing to accept his praises of her.

"You're funny," Juliette spoke up as she petted her long brown hair.

"You're helpful," Auggie jumped in next hoping that some positive attention might help 'the pick' with her food issues.

"You're brave," Shelby spoke up unexpectedly.

"No I'm not," Lexi said sharply.

"You are brave Lexi, look at what you accomplished last week," Peter encouraged thinking back on how hard the trial had been on her.

"What I accomplished?" Lexi raised her voice a little in irritation, "I managed to ruin everything, just like I always do," Lexi became more irritated the more she thought on the trial, "I screwed everything up, they used my entire life against me, they tore me apart on the stand, they humiliated me, called me a liar, a thief, a freak, an addict, and yeah some of those things were true but… I made it so easy for them to feel bad for him."

Lexi's face was bright red and she began breathing heavy, it seemed as if she was going to pass out right then and there.

"He got away with it didn't he?" Scott asked bitterly remembering how his stepmom had gotten away with her sins.

"Three years!" Lexi screamed before taking a large breath to try and keep the room from spinning, "How is that fair? Three years with the chance of parole in a year and a half. They got him on filing a false police report, one case of child pornography, and possession, all of which mean nothing in Oakland apparently. Everything that could've gotten him locked away got thrown out and then with my transgressions it was easy for them to slap him on the wrists."

Lexi couldn't hold back the tears as the image of her mother on the stand came back to her, how she had cried for her husband but not her daughter.

"I'm sorry," was all any of them could say as Lexi sat and cried Sophie's arm firmly and loving draped across her thin shoulders, pulling her into a hug.

"I am proud of you," Trent spoke up after a minute of complete silence from the group. With that Sophie and Peter dismissed everyone for free time.

"You want to go for a walk before lights out, Carrot-cake?" Trent asked the still shaken Lexi as the other disbursed.

"I'd love to," Lexi tried to smiled as she thought of killing two birds with one stone, spending time with Trent and burning off the rest of the calories from dinner, "Power walk?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Trent said as her took in how thin she had gotten in the short amount of time.

"Fine," Lexi pouted cutely as they headed out side.

Trent took her hand in his and for once she didn't pull away. They walked hand in hand in silence for several minutes just enjoying each others company. It had felt like lifetimes had passed since the last time they were together there was a thousand questions burning in each of their hearts.

Trent was the first to break the silence as they walked along the docks down by the lake, "What did you do to your hair?" Trent smiled as they stopped so he could get a good look of her or as good of a look as he could get in the dark.

"Do you like it?" Lexi asked sheepishly as she felt what she had left of her once overgrown locks.

"Yeah it's more edgy, more you," Trent leaned in and kissed her on her cheek.

"Thanks, I couldn't breath that first night back, my hair was weighing me down so I cut it off," Lexi laughed the laugh Trent had been waiting to hear for days, "Sophie took me to get it fixed apparently I wasn't meant to be a hair dresser."

They both laughed as Trent ran on of his hands through her almost shoulder length, carrot red, choppy hairdo. They started to walk back towards the school when Lexi stopped and held one hand to her chest.

"I'm ok," Lexi stated not giving Trent a chance to ask what was wrong, "I just haven't been feeling good lately."

"Maybe if you ate something," Trent said in an accusing tone as he came to her side and took her hand again making sure she knew he was with her.

"I have been, like a cow," Lexi said bitterly as she regained her composure.

"Don't lie to me," Trent said in an annoyed tone as they began walking again, "I'm not sure how you're doing it but I know you're not really eating the food Nurse Margret's been giving you."

"I don't know what you're talking about good sir," Lexi joked trying to get him to drop the subject.

"I'm serious Lexi, you look worse than when you came back from… Well you know," they passed the dorms and continued on towards the rock wall.

"You look pretty bad yourself," Lexi pointed out less than gently, "You're pale, tired, and a lot thinner than you were a week or so ago as well."

"It's the medicine I have to take to control this thing, it makes me not hungry," Trent looked away ashamed of himself for the way he had acted in his manic episode.

"Look at me," Lexi said stopping again as he turned to face her, "You have nothing to be ashamed of, you didn't hurt me I promise."

"I could have though," Trent said in the saddest voice she had ever heard.

"But you didn't, so that's that," Lexi took both of his hands in hers and kissed them gently, "Don't worry you're getting it under control and that's what matters."

"How long are you on restrictions?" Trent asked after they had walked in silence for about ten minutes.

"Until I reach a 'safe' weight," Lexi rolled her eyes at the thought.

"Why do you do this to yourself Lex?" Trent kept his eyes forward knowing she wouldn't look at him at that moment.

"Why do you cut Sweet-potato?" Lexi asked knowing that even if the reasons they did those things to themselves weren't the exact same they were similar enough to count.

"Touché," He said meekly as they came to a large oak tree in the middle of the quad.

"This week has been awful," Lexi shook her head as she leaned against the tree, "For both of us."

"That sounds about right," Trent said as he pulled her closer to him.

"No," Lexi panicked and pushed him away, "Sorry, no hugging, no serious kissing, no sex."

"I'm sorry," Trent frowned taking a step back, "neither one of us is ready, are we? We're too broken and screwed up to be like that right now."

"Pretty much," Lexi joked taking his hand and starting to walk again, "But I like knowing you're near."

"Ditto," Trent smiled as they made their way to the Cliffhanger girl's dorm, "I'll see you tomorrow?" Trent asked unsure if this was reality or one of his dreams.

"For sure," Lexi giggled as she turned to go inside, "Trent?" Lexi turned back around to face her love, "I'm sorry about your roommate."

"Thanks," Trent said softly as he turned and headed next door to his own cabin.

"So now you speak?" Shelby asked once they had all gotten in their pajamas and ready for lights out.

"I guess," Lexi smirked in Shelby's directions as she crawled under her covers.

"You make no sense," Shelby said harshly as she turned off the lamp on her desk.

"I guess not," Was all Lexi said as she got as comfortable as she could.

The others fell into restful deep sleeps rather quickly leaving Lexi alone to do what she felt had to be done under the circumstances.

Lexi quickly dropped to the floor by her bed and began counting off crunches in her head. She exercised down there for an hour or so before her stomach began cramping. Grabbing the jacket she had worn earlier in the evening Lexi crawled weakly to the bathroom holding her cramping stomach with one hand and helping herself along with the other. As she sat on the floor in her regular stall Lexi thought over the question Trent had posed early, why was she doing this to herself. The answer came to her as she pulled the uneaten food bits from her pockets and dropped them in the toilet. It helped in some sick way she had to believe it was helpful. As she watched the food circle the drain she wondered if she'd ever be normal or if he and her mother had damaged her beyond repair. Fighting the dizziness and stomach cramping Lexi got off the floor and locked the bathroom door convincing herself that the cramping would only go away if she burned a few more calories. As she counted the jumping jacks Lexi mentally prepared herself for the upcoming day.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry this took forever everyone.

Disclaimer- I do not own Higher Ground I do however own any character you did not see on the show like Lexi and Trent.

Lexi walked slowly towards the Wind Dancer's cabin trying to keep her nerves in check. She thought over the two sides over and over again, trying to figure out which option was best not only for her but for Trent as well. On one hand she could be sent away and on the other she could be left alone. Being alone had to be better for her and Trent than being sent away Lexi determined as she knocked on the dorm door.

"Come in," A small voice answered from the other side of the door.

As she walked through the dorm to find the voice, Lexi determined that every dorm at Horizon had to look the exact same inside. The only sound in the entire dorm came from the bathroom, Lexi stood outside the bathroom listening. The sound pattern was a familiar one… purge, flush, rinse, gargle, rinse again. Lexi took a step back from the door as soon as the water stopped.

"Hey!" A tall and very thin girl said from the door frame of the bathroom, "I was hoping that was you."

"Thanks again for this Cora," Lexi smiled meekly as the black haired girl took a seat on the bed closest to the bathroom.

"I told you Lex it's no problem, girls like us," Cora began as she anxiously checked her chin for fat, "We have to stick together."

"Right," Lexi said nervously unsure if she had made the right decision.

"So why exactly do you need these bad boys?" Cora asked as she leaned over and pulled out five ankle and wrist weights from the bottom drawer of her desk.

"I'm on meal time restrictions," Lexi grumbled as she thought of how she'd been watched like a convict since she got back, "And I have a checkup today, Peter said if I gained some weight he might take me off the restrictions."

Cora sat for a moment after Lexi spoke, "I hate restrictions, I'm pretty sure Peter's put me on them three times since I've been here."

"So can I borrow them?" Lexi asked still unsure if she was right or wrong for asking for help fooling Peter.

"On two conditions," Cora smiled revealing several chipped teeth, "One if you get caught you buy me new ones and two if you get caught Peter never finds out where you got them deal?"

Lexi stuck out her hand both terrified and excited not only for her checkup but for her new friendship as well, "Deal."

After they had shook on it and laughed for a few minutes Lexi took the weights into the bathroom and strategically placed them in her bra and panties.

"Thanks again Cora," Lexi smiled as widely as she could considering the cold front that came in that morning made the scar on her face tight and irritated.

"No problem, I'll see you after the checkup," Cora smiled walking Lexi to the door. Lexi laughed to herself as she passed some of Cora's roommates on her way out.

With each step she took towards the infirmary Lexi felt as if she had made the right decision. She told herself over and over again that she had to do it this way that Cora was right that no one else would ever understand why she had to hide and why she had to keep her weight under control.

"Are you Alexis?" A built blonde asked as Lexi entered the tiny waiting room.

"Lexi," Lexi said politely though she was caught off guard.

"Lexi… I like it. I'm Dr. Kauffman I'm here to do your checkup," Dr. Kauffman held out her hand for Lexi to shake.

"Where's Nurse Margret?' Lexi asked as pulled her hand out of the Doctors death grip.

"Nurse Margret is actually in town today, so it's just going to be you and me," The blonde Doctor said sweetly as she ushered Lexi into the first examining room, "Just relax Lexi I promise this will painless."

Lexi laughed in spite of herself as she took a seat.

"Ok so Today is going to be easy, I just want to get your weight, ask a few questions, and get you on a meal plan," Dr. Kauffman smiled trying to make Lexi less nervous.

"Ok," Lexi petted her new choppy Carrot-red locks as she thought about being weighed.

"Would you like to start with the questions first?" The Doctor asked as she grabbed a pad and pen and Lexi's file.

"Sure," Lexi breathed a sigh of relief simply glad that she had at least a few more minutes until she was tortured.

"Full name?"

"Alexis Opal Newman," Lexi said proudly thinking of her father and how silly he had been when he named her.

"Age?"

"16"

"Have you ever used drugs?"

"Yes, Cocaine and Heroin," Lexi said putting her head down in shame.

"Ever share needles?"

"I don't think so, I had any STD test at the hospital I was clean," Lexi offered hoping the Doctor wouldn't want to do any sort of test that involved needles.

"Have you ever had sex?"

Lexi began laughing uncomfortably, "since I was nine years old."

"Any irregular periods?" Dr. Kauffman asked trying to hold back her shock.

"I've never had a period and I can't have children," Lexi said sadly.

"I'm sorry to hear that," The blonde Doctor said sweetly, "I only have a few more questions to ask."

"Ok" Lexi said feeling a little defeated.

"What's your goal weight Lexi?"

"Honestly… I have no clue, I'm torn I want to be thin but I want to be normal," Lexi admitted deciding after she said it that that was exactly how she felt.

"How long have you suffered from Anorexia?"

"I'm not sure, I was raised to control food not enjoy it," Lexi said shamefully, even though she couldn't stand her mother she hated the idea of tattling on her.

"Ok, you ready to move on to the next part?" Dr. Kauffman asked seemingly unfazed by anything Lexi had said.

Lexi nodded as Dr. Kauffman handed her a hospital gown and pointed to curtain directly across from where they were sitting. Lexi got up too fast and felt as if she my faint, she shook it off hoping the Doctor hadn't seen her slight pause. As she changed Lexi forced herself to believe she was doing the right thing.

"Almost ready in there?" The blonde Doctor laughed on the other side of the curtain.

Lexi noticed Dr. Kauffman's laugh stop as soon as she came through the curtain.

"I'm sorry," Lexi said automatically as she stepped backwards on the scale.

"For what?" Dr. Kauffman asked as she took Lexi's weight.

"The way I look makes people uncomfortable," Lexi said shamefully as she stepped off the scale, "I think it's the scars," Lexi turned her face in away that her Doctor could clearly see the large scar on her face.

"It's not your scars Lexi," Dr. Kauffman motioned for Lexi to get dressed, "It's just a shock to me."

"What's a shock to you?" Lexi asked as she put on her normal outfit which consisted of a tank top underneath a flannel/ long sleeve thermal, and jeans.

"You are deadly thin Lexi," Dr. Kauffman motioned for Lexi to sit back down.

"As if, I'm huge," Lexi said angry at herself.

"Lexi the way you see yourself in the mirror is called a distorted self image, it's very common with Anorexia. You see yourself as huge, when in reality you are so thin I could see every bone in your back," Dr. Kauffman reached a hand toward Lexi who instantly shrank back in her seat.

"Can I go now?" Lexi averted her eyes from the Doctor wishing she could just disappear.

"Not yet Lexi," Dr. Kauffman handed her a manila folder filled with a variety of papers.

"What's this?" Lexi asked looking over some of the papers.

"Your meal plan and some information on your disease," Dr. Kauffman smile turned serious quicker than Lexi had anticipated, "Anorexia is one of the deadliest mental illnesses out there, I thought you might want to know about it since it's trying to claim your life as well."

"I'm not going to die," Lexi closed the folder in frustration, "Can I please go?"

Dr. Kauffman stood up and extended her hand, "It was very nice to meet you Lexi, I hope to see you again."

Something in the way the Doctor said hope to see you again made Lexi uncomfortable; "It was a pleasure meeting you as well," Lexi lied just before turning and leaving the infirmary.

A cold front had come through the mountains while she was in the infirmary. As she walked through the campus she replayed the check up over and over again in her mind, picking apart what she could have, should have, and would have done under different circumstances. Her thoughts led her straight to the Wind Dancer's cabin. Lexi walked in not bothering to knock, she passed several of the Wind Dancer girls as she headed straight for their bathroom to change.

Lexi sat on the end of Cora's bed and handed her the weights as sneakily as she could.

"So how did it go?" Cora asked quietly twirling her thinning black hair.

"It was weird," Lexi said thinking on her checkup one last time.

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"Well the Doctor told me I was gonna die and wouldn't tell me my weight," Lexi frowned rubbing her wrist bone nervously.

"They're always jealous of us, because we can control ourselves and they can't," Cora smiled, "Trust me you're not gonna die."

Lexi took in her new friend unsure of who or what to believe.

"Meth and Purging are not really good for your teeth," Cora laughed noticing Lexi staring at her teeth.

"Sorry it's rude for me to stare, I hate it when people stare at me," Lexi put her head down for a moment trying to end the embarrassing moment.

"Its fine," Cora smiled again as she nervously touched her protruding collarbone, "We have to stick together," She said lowering her voice so her roomies couldn't hear, "We have to help each other stay thin. No one else really understands."

Lexi saw the desperation in her new friend's eyes and wondered if anyone ever noticed the desperation in her own eyes. "I should probably go, I'm supposed to meet Trent, he promised to explain to me why most of the other Cliffhanger's are going on solo hikes and we have to stay here."

"Sounds like a blast," Cora rolled her eyes at Lexi's silliness, "Hey if you're off restrictions tomorrow you want to 'eat' lunch together tomorrow?" Both girls laughed at Cora's sarcastic air quotes.

"I'd love to why don't you come to the Cliffhanger's dorm right before lunch and you can eat lunch with us," Lexi was pleased she had met someone who understood her, "That is if I passed their test."

"Sound's like a plan," Cora smiled as Lexi got up and headed towards the door bracing herself for the cold weather.

"What were you doing in there?" Scott asked as Lexi walked down the steps that led to the Wind Dancer's dorm.

"Why do you care?" Lexi asked in a snippy tone remembering all the times Scott had been mean to her. She tried to avoid him and head to the docks by herself but Scott caught up to her easily.

"We're in the same group," Scott said halfheartedly trying to come up with a better reason, "Honestly I'm not sure."

"Honesty is the best policy… Or so I hear," Lexi joked as she took a seat on the edge of the dock. To her surprise Scott took the seat next to her.

"So what were you doing in there?" Scott found himself rather curious about Lexi, her past hit too close for comfort but her frailness made her approachable in the weirdest way.

"Can you keep a secret?" Lexi smiled as she pulled her knees to her body.

"Usually," Scott smiled as he ran a hand through his short blonde hair. She made him nervous, not the love nervous that Shelby made him it just seemed that she knew more than she should.

"Cora, let me borrow her ankle and wrist weights so I could fool the Doctor during my check up, don't tell Peter," Lexi blurted out not meaning to be that honest with Scott.

"I don't get you," Scott blurted out after a few minutes of silence.

"Most people don't," Lexi joked trying to avoid his obvious worry.

"Why don't you like food?" Scott asked bluntly as he grabbed a small stick that was on the dock beside them.

"It's not that I don't like food," Lexi paused trying to find the best way to put how she felt, "I just can't be fat."

"I doubt you'll ever be fat," Scott said shaking his head still unsure of why someone would refuse to eat.

"Can I ask you a question?" Lexi asked as she changed from being all squished against herself to sitting Indian style.

"You just did," Scott joked wishing he had never been cruel to Lexi.

"Why can't you accept her?" She asked even though she knew he didn't want to talk about his and Shelby's problems.

"You don't know anything about that," Scott spat out bitterly.

"I had sex with men for money Scott," Lexi said unemotionally, "I think I know a thing or two."

"You didn't have a choice," Scott tried desperately to find away to change the subject… he came up blank.

"Neither did she," Lexi said as Scott let out a hateful snicker, "I'm serious. She would have died out on the streets. We both did what we needed to do to survive."

"She's…" Scott trailed off not sure of what he wanted to say.

"She's what?" Lexi snapped starting to get frustrated, "A whore? It's not like either one of us has room to talk."

Scott looked over at Lexi confused unable to say anything.

"Don't give me that look. You had sex with your dad's wife and I screwed my mom's husband, the three of us are in the same boat," Scott's jaw dropped he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Did she tell you that?" Scott asked angrily.

"No, She would never, it's in your eyes just like it's in her eyes just like it's in my eyes," Lexi looked down at her lap in shame, "We're all used goods Scott."

"Did you tell anyone?" Scott asked in a soft sad voice.

"No, It's not my place though I must admit you're taking this a lot better than she did," Lexi looked up at him, "She kinda yelled at me called me a liar, and said she hated me, you know typical Shelby."

"That sounds about right," Scott said trying to keep the images of his stepmother sneaking into his room late at night out of his head.

"Before you go casting the first stone remember your own sins and try to put your self in her place," Lexi stood up and began to go find Trent when the world suddenly felt like it had shifted underneath her. Before she could figure out what was happening everything went black.

"Lex?!" Lexi could here Scott's voice but found it hard to open her eyes.

"Please don't tell anyone," Lexi pleaded still lying on the cool wooden dock.

"Can you move? Are you ok?" Scott's questions all ran together as Lexi slowly tried to open her eyes.

"I'm fine," Lexi lied as Scott helped her to a sitting position.

"Stay here, I'm gonna go get Peter," Scott started to get up but felt a hand on his leg.

"Don't please, just help me up," Lexi begged scared of being sent away, "Peter can't find out no one can."

"Lex, you need help…" Scott started before Lexi interrupted him.

"I need help up the rest I can handle," Lexi lied not sure if she was in control of it or if her eating disorder was in control of her.

"Peter can help," Scott stated as he helped Lexi to her feet.

"Not with this." Lexi looked out at the water refusing to face Scott, "Something's we have to handle by ourselves right."

"I guess," Scott felt a surge of shame rush through him, "If this happens again I'm gonna have to tell."

"Just worry about not screwing things up with Shelby," Lexi said sternly as she turned and walked away, "She's the only one you will ever love who will understand."

Lexi felt guilty about using Scott's past against him but she again felt like it was the only choice she had in protecting herself, the only way she could stay in control. She walked at a snails pace stopping and catching her breath several times, it felt as if someone had knocked all the wind out of her.

"You're late," Trent said in a worried tone at the picnic table closest to their tree.

"Sorry," Lexi said in a hushed voice feeling a tiny bit better as she took the seat across from Trent.

"No big… You feeling ok?" Trent asked taking in Lexi's paleness.

"Just didn't sleep well last night, that's all," Lexi lied quickly.

"Maybe you should take a nap Carrot-cake," Trent knew something was off but with his mind all cloudy from the medicine he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Would you walk me back?" Lexi asked a slight shiver in her voice. It seemed to be getting colder and wetter by the minute, "On the way you can explain this solo hike thing to me."

Trent smiled with his mouth though the shimmer that Lexi had always seen in his melt worthy hazel eyes had disappeared.

Trent and Lexi walked back to the Cliffhanger girl's dorm totally engulfed in each other. Trent talked and Lexi listened, Lexi walked and hummed and Trent simply stared. They both knew something was wrong with the other but they still enjoyed each others company as much as they did when their world made sense.

"I'll meet you in the lodge before dinner," Lexi promised as she and Trent quickly hugged.

Lexi headed inside she was glad to find only Kat in the dorm, all she wanted to do was take a nap and it was a lot harder to sleep than usual with Jules mouth constantly going. Lexi thought of Trent as she drifted to sleep, hoping that he never found out about her passing out.

"Peter wants to see you sleeping beauty," Daisy threw a pillow at Lexi's head to wake her up.

"Great," Lexi mumbled as she got out of bed not bothering to fix her hair or make sure she looked presentable. She suddenly felt too tired to care about anything even getting off restrictions. She somehow willed herself to throw on a jacket and leave the dorm keeping her arms wrapped tightly around herself as she walked through the cold to the administrative office.

"Come in," Peter called from behind his desk Dr. Kauffman's report in his hands.

Lexi came in and took the closest seat to the door too tired to even think about moving to her favorite seat, "You wanted to see me?"

"Sophie and I went over the report from your check up and have come to a decision," Peter smiled his typical fatherly smile.

"Ok, did I pass or fail?" Lexi asked hoping her efforts paid off.

"This isn't about passing or failing or winning or losing, Lex," Peter got up from behind his beautiful oak desk and took the seat directly across from Lexi, "You're off restrictions… for now."

"Thank you," Lexi breathed a small sigh of relief, "Does this mean I can go on the solo hike tomorrow?"

"You're not ready for that Lexi," Peter shook his head wishing he could make her understand how sick she was, "You're up to 95lbs, which is definitely better but you are in no shape to be put in the woods for three days especially in this cold."

Lexi looked away trying to hide her disappointment.

"They're will be other quests as long as you keep gaining weight and when you're ready your solo will be waiting," Peter put his hand on one of hers as soon as his skin touched hers he knew there was something wrong, her hands were ice cold even though she'd been in his warm office for fifteen minutes.

"Can I go now? It's almost dinner time," Lexi said as she silently thanked the clock for giving her an out.

"Sure but remember Lexi you need to keep gaining or else you'll go right back on restrictions. Rodger is in charge while we're gone and believe me he will let us know if you need to be on restrictions again," Peter got up and opened the door for her. He looked at her for a moment then dropped his tough love routine, " Lexi Sophie and I are very proud of you."

Lexi got up as quickly as she could without falling over and headed out the door without looking at Peter. Lexi walked slower than usual to the main lodge, focusing on each step she took afraid that if she let her mind wander for just a minute she might fall. Lexi felt weaker with each step and was more than relieved when she finally made it to the lodge. Lexi joined the rest of the Cliffhanger's near the fire place, she avoided Scott's worried gaze as she took a seat next to Trent on the couch.

"So what's the verdict?" Ezra asked as Lexi got comfortable.

Lexi leaned into Trent not caring about the rules she had set up for the two of them. All she wanted to do was feel comfy and safe and at that moment Trent provided both services.

"He asked you a question Bones," Lexi looked up realizing that people were actually talking to her.

"I'm off restrictions," Lexi smiled as she snuggled back into Trent.

"That's awesome Carrot-cake," Trent smiled though he was confused by Lexi's sudden interest in cuddling.

"Not their best decision," Scott said quietly from his spot on the ground right next to the fireplace.

"Bite me," Lexi yawned too exhausted to come up with a better answer.

"Good thing she's not going tomorrow," Auggie said quietly once they were sure she was asleep.

"She would die out there," Scott stated remembering the way she fainted on the dock just a few hours earlier.

"She's stronger than she looks," Trent said defending his love.

"Not right now she isn't," Juliette put her book down and stared at Lexi knowing first hand how destructive an eating disorder could be, how weak it made you.

"Like you have any room to talk Queenie," Shelby threw Juliette a hateful look.

Lexi stirred slightly she could hear them but just like on the dock it was hard to open her eyes.

"It's not the same, Bulimia and Anorexia," Juliette said defending herself against Shelby's typical attacks.

"They are both freaky food issues," Shelby continued hoping to upset Juliette so no one else could see how upset she was with herself and Scott, "They were stupid to let her off restrictions."

"Lay off Shelby," Auggie jumped in tired of hearing his friends argue.

"I'm so sick of you," Juliette snapped at Shelby.

"It's the truth Queenie, you and Lexi are two of a pair, you should probably both be on restrictions," Shelby couldn't help but kick Juliette when she was already down.

"Sure Shelby, she starves, I make myself throw up, her body is feeding off of itself, my throat is constantly burning, she'll die, and I just won't be able to speak," Juliette paused taking in everyone's shocked expression, "I've been where she is I couldn't control myself, she can, we lie and we hide things to protect our secrets, we would rather die than lose control, watching us like a hawk won't help if we want to control ourselves we'll find a way," Juliette looked around the room unaware she had been shouting. Auggie followed her as she ran out of the room crying.

"Thanks Shelby," Lexi said as she sat up still feeling weak but angry enough to not notice, "I'm glad I found out you think you're better than us. Let me go check on the other half of the freaky food pair maybe I can hold her hair back as she purges and she can help me find a great place to hide that food I'm not eating." Lexi got up to find Juliette not bothering to look back at any of her group mates.

Lexi thought on what Cora had said earlier that day as she searched for Jules. She was starting to think that it might be true that no one else would understand her no one except Cora and Juliette.

"Hey Pick," Auggie stood guard on the other side of the cafeteria in front of the girls restroom.

"Is she in there Auggie?" Lexi asked leaning against the wall on the other side of the door frame. All of the tiredness and dizziness she had felt earlier caught back up with her.

"You ok?" Auggie asked noticing how pale and thin Lexi looked

"I'm tired of everyone thinking something's wrong with me," Lexi looked up at Auggie trying to keep from crying, "Is she in there?"

Auggie nodded opening the door for Lexi, he hated that the two of them hated themselves so much.

Lexi lowered herself down onto the floor in the stall right next to Juliette, "I'm not going to die Jules," Lexi began crying resting her head on the wall of the stall.

"How do you do it?" Juliette asked just before flushing the toilet she had been leaning against.

"Do what?" Lexi asked very unsure of what she was asking about.

"How do you keep it under control?" Juliette began crying unable to hold it together.

"I have to or else," Lexi stated simply, wiping the tears away with her sleeve.

"My mother would love you," Juliette stated bitterly.

"Doubtful if I can't make my own mother love me, I know I couldn't make yours love me," Lexi said feeling as if she had used up her last bit of tears.

"Why can't I control it?" Juliette asked hating that she had dropped her guard in front of the Cliffhangers.

"I'm not sure if I'm really controlling it either if that makes you feel better," Lexi said thinking back on how she had fainted earlier at the docks.

"I hate being fat," Juliette said resting her head back on the toilet preparing to purge.

"Me too," Lexi agreed petting her choppy locks nervously.

The only sounds for awhile were Juliette throwing up in the next stall followed by the Dinner bell.

"I have to go to dinner or I'll be right back on restrictions," Lexi pulled herself up slowly unsure if she could stand let alone walk at the moment, "You coming?"

"I'll meet you out there," Juliette said quietly. As soon as she heard Lexi leave Juliette pulled a tiny razor, she had taken out of a pencil sharpener, out of her pocket and went to work on her leg.

"How is she?" Auggie asked as he and Lexi walked very slowly to the food line.

"Angry… at herself," Lexi said as her stomach turned looking at the food they were having for dinner.

Lexi and Auggie took their normal seats at the Cliffhanger table. As soon as Lexi took her seat Trent leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for not coming after me," Lexi smiled at Trent as she placed her napkin in her lap.

"I figured you might want your space," Trent kept his voice down hoping he had done the right thing.

"You rock," Lexi said as she began cutting up everything on her plate.

"So why is it that you aren't going on the solo?" Daisy asked Ezra and Kat turning most everyone's attention to the other end of the table.

"Well we already went on solos," Ezra spoke up with a large smirk on his face.

"How come you never said anything?" Daisy asked stabbing her meatloaf.

"Because they're personal, get it solo, just for you," Ezra joked irritating almost everyone at the table.

As everyone else joined in the conversation of what was really in the meatloaf Scott watched Lexi from across the table in disgust and disappointment. Every time she thought no one was looking she stuffed a little food into the napkin in her lap. Lexi looked up every once in awhile to make sure no one was watching her too closely. Through the lively dinner conversation Lexi had made everything on her plate disappear, only she and Scott knew where her food had gone. The only thing she had really eaten was her small plate of lettuce and once that was gone Lexi stuck her very full napkin in her jacket pocket.

"I hope you guys have a great quest," Lexi smiled sadly as she got up to dump her plate feeling much better and much worse than she had earlier.

"Wait up Bones," Shelby grabbed her trash and plate and followed Lexi to the trash cans.

"What do you want Shelby?" Lexi dumped her tray with one hand and clutched the napkin in her pocket with the other.

"Well… I think I might have gone sort of… you know… over board with the things I said when I thought you were asleep," Shelby struggled to get the words out of her mouth.

"You suck at apologies and I'm not the one you should be saying sorry to," Lexi tilted her head toward the near by women's restroom, "I haven't seen her come out yet." Lexi walked past Shelby and through the double doors which lead outside. Lexi started down towards the dock hoping to catch the sunset.

"You are an easy person to catch," Trent joked as they passed the totem pole in the main quad.

"It's cause I'm slow these days," Lexi smiled taking Trent by the hand.

"Maybe we're both slow," Trent looked over his shoulder to find Scott right behind them as they started on the trail that lead to the dock.

"I need to talk to you," Scott said coming along side the two of them.

"Maybe later," Lexi answered pretty sure she knew what He wanted to talk to her about.

Trent squeezed Lexi's hand both protectively and confused as to why Scott would want to talk to her.

"I need to talk to you now," Scott looked at Lexi for a moment as if making a decision.

"Later," Lexi threw him a nasty look.

"Either I talk to you now or I talk to him now," Scott said motioning towards Trent.

"What is your issue man? She said not now," Trent said suddenly angry, he hated feeling like a zombie but hated when he suddenly felt angry.

Lexi and Scott stared at each other for a moment completely ignoring Trent. Lexi knew as soon as he had caught up with them that she had lost.

"Hey Sweet-potato I'll meet you at the docks in a minute," Lexi put a comforting hand on Trent's shoulder.

"Are you sure?" Trent asked turning away from Scott.

"I'll be fine, him and Shelby are having troubles," Lexi nodded at Trent hating herself for lying to him, "He wants me to talk to her for him."

Trent nodded, kissed Lexi on the cheek, and started toward the docks, "I won't be far," Trent stated before disappearing between the trees.

"He's not doing well," Lexi looked up at Scott pleadingly, "You cannot tell him."  
"He has seemed a little off lately," Scott said as he walked to a near by bench.

"It's his meds," Lexi took a seat on the edge closest to the trail, "Now what do you want?"

"I saw you," Scott said as he looked Lexi over worriedly remembering how she fainted earlier that day.

"Do you want a cookie?" Lexi felt irritated by his very presence, it wasn't him so much just the fact that he could ruin everything if she wasn't careful.

"You don't care?" Scott said surprised figuring there would be more of a fight, "You'll go to Peter?"

"No I care and no I won't go to Peter and neither will you I hope," Lexi turned away from him hoping that if she didn't see him then he didn't exist.

"Lexi you are sick and if you won't tell someone I will," Scott took a knee in front of her trying desperately that he cared if she lived or died.

"I'm not sick," Lexi paused knowing she would never get anywhere with him like that, "Give me a month."

"A month?" Scott didn't like where their conversation was heading but knew he was making at least a little progress.

"To prove to you that I'm not sick," Lexi looked Scott dead in the eyes, "Just one month."

Scott got up and walked around in a circle around the bench as he thought, "Fine, one month, no more hiding food," Scott stopped behind the bench both unsatisfied and content at the same time.

Lexi got up and started walking down the path, "Don't worry I'm not the revenge sort, honest," Lexi called over her shoulder wanting him to know she understood that he thought what he was doing was right.

Trent and Lexi watched the sunset in silence both quietly thinking over their situations. Trent thought over what Lexi would think of him if he stayed a zombie forever and Lexi thought over what Trent would think of her if he found out what Scott knew. They sat on the edge of the dock holding hands and staring out over the water until they couldn't take the cold any longer.

"It gonna be weird with the others gone for a few days," Trent said as he and Lexi came to the Cliffhanger girls' dorm.

"It might be nice," Lexi smiled her sad smile before leaning in to kiss Trent on the cheek, "I love you."

"Love you too," Trent smiled before turning to go to his own dorm.

Lexi entered the well lit cabin with one thing running through her mind, she had to figure out away to keep her world from collapsing.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer- I do not own Higher Ground I do however own Lexi and Trent and other characters you don't know!

Authors Note- This is set around the time Daisy's mom dies. About one month after the solos. This chapter is sort of a filler and a setup for upcoming chapters. Enjoy!

"When did the Cliffhanger table become eating disorder central?" Shelby looked over from the food line where she and Scott were standing.

"I have no clue," Scott said quietly glad that he and Shelby were talking again.

"Hello Clara," Shelby smirked as she sat her tray down on the Cliffhanger's table.

"It's Cora," The thin black haired girl said as she cut up her dinner.

"Sorry," Shelby threw Lexi an evil glance before turning her attention to Cora who was right next to her, "If you stick around long enough you might get a nick name like Bones here."

"I prefer Cora," She said as she divided up her plate into sections trying to ignore Shelby's attempts to get a rise out of her.

"I don't know you kind of look like a Wasp to me," Shelby continued despite the nasty looks she was getting from everyone except Scott.

"Cut it out Shelby," Lexi said firmly feeling too tired to be angry and too upset to just sit still.

"It's ok Lex, let her call me what she wants, in the end I'll still be in control," Cora smirked in Shelby's direction as she laid down her fork.

"Control? How about dead!" Shelby shot back sure that that would end the conversation.

"Better dead and thin than fat and biter. What are you pushing these days Shelby 120? 125... Tisk tisk," Cora shot Shelby a disapproving look before she got up and emptied her still full plate.

"Thanks Shelby," Lexi got up and emptied her plate followed by Juliette.

Juliette and Lexi followed Cora to the Wind Dancer's dorm. Juliette fell behind a couple of times stopping to exam the flowers slowly but surely pushing through the hard ground winter had left for them.

The dorm was empty when they entered, Cora heading straight to the restroom.

"She was just trying to push your buttons a little," Juliette spoke up over the sound of the flushing toilet.

"I know," Cora turned on the warm water and rinsed and dried her face as if what she had just done was perfectly natural, "It didn't work."

Juliette eyed the bathroom for a moment after Cora had taken a seat on her bed.

"How do you do it?" Lexi asked half jealous and half in awe of her friend.

"You can use it if you like, it's not like we don't understand," Cora offered to Juliette ignoring Lexi's question for a moment.

"I shouldn't," Juliette put her hands on her stomach which was covered by her favorite light pink sweater, "I mean…"

"If you want to go ahead if not that's your business," Cora pushed ever so slightly if Lexi hadn't learn to read between the lines she would have never caught the subtle reverse psychology being used.

Juliette looked down at her stomach under her sweater before quietly excusing herself to use the restroom.

"How do you do it?" Lexi asked again astounded by how thin Cora had stayed without raising many suspicions.

"The same way you have," Cora smirked as if she had a secret.

"What aren't you telling me?" Lexi smiled back glad that she had a friend who she knew one-hundred percent understood the way she felt about food.

Juliette opened the bathroom door, her smiling face a little paler than it had been a few minutes earlier, "What did I miss?"

"Cora was just about to tell me a big secret," Lexi joked as Juliette took a seat on the bed next to Cora's.

"I love secrets!" Juliette smiled innocently.

Cora mumbled a few numbers as she grabbed a small shoe box out of the small gap between her bed and her desk. "Same rules apply for this as the weights, tell no one where you got them, and if Peter gets mine because of you you're replacing them."

Lexi and Juliette nodded though confusion rang clearly on their faces. Cora opened the box to reveal twelve little boxes.

"What are they?" Lexi asked both excited and guilty she knew whatever they were had to be against the rules.

"My sister brought them for me yesterday, premium laxatives," Cora smiled proud of herself and her stash, "Twelve boxes so four each, there's about 24 pills to a box."

"That's pretty pricey," Juliette recalled her brief laxative dealing career and how much she could make with a stash like that.

"My sister works for a drug rep company so she got them free and she understands what it's like… to be in control," Lexi pondered over the phrase 'in control' as Cora continued, "I have no trouble sharing."

"I really shouldn't," Juliette said unsure of herself, "I've messed myself up on laxatives one too many times."

"That's fair, what about you?" Cora knew Lexi couldn't resist.

"If it will keep Scott off my back and my weight down, than I'm in," The addict in Lexi took over taking two pills from one of her six boxes and stuck the rest in her bag.

"What's going on with that whole mess?" Cora asked as she took four pills out of one of her packs.

"I should go, we have group in fifteen minutes," Juliette got up and headed towards the door, "I promise I won't tell."

"I'll be there in a minute," Lexi promised as Juliette opened the screen door. She waited until she heard the screen door close again before she answered Cora, "Basically nothing, he's been watching me like a hawk, so I've had to be extra careful, and as I know he hasn't told Trent yet."

"That's a bummer," Cora took a look at Lexi noticing her thin hands and face and tried to imagine what was underneath the layers she was wearing to try and hide her weight loss. "How did you do it? How did you keep losing even though they've been weighing you and Scott pretending to be Peter?"

"Well," Lexi started jokingly, "I did lots of stuff which I promise to tell you later. I have to get to group."

Cora made a puppy dog face that was good but in no way could compare to Trent's, "Tomorrow before breakfast I need to know."

"Will do and thanks again," Lexi got up popped another two pills and then put the opened box in her bag before heading towards the door.

Lexi felt powerful as she walked into the main lodge, no matter how frail her body was she felt strong. She was glad to have Cora as a friend and hoped Trent didn't mind all the time her and her first real friend other than him were spending together.

"Good now that everyone is here we can begin," Peter smiled though he clearly looked a little more tired than usual. Lexi knew that look it's the sort of tired look you get when a parent or someone you love dies. Lexi tried to push away the memories of the day Peter's dad died at Horizon, she was into much of a good mood to let that ruin it.

Lexi took the open seat next to Trent as she tried to avoided worried glances from both Scott and Juliette. Peter talked for awhile before having the group pass the staff, Lexi was rather grateful when Peter dismissed them early.

"Lexi, hold on a sec," Peter caught up with Lexi and Trent as they started out the door.

"Whatever it is Peter I didn't do it," Lexi said with a terrified look on her face.

"Trent why don't you go ahead and Lex will catch up with you in a minute," Peter smiled at Trent who gave Lexi a quick look before leaving them alone.

"Ok? Am I in trouble?" Lexi asked trying to figure out how Peter might have found out about the laxatives.

"No you're not in trouble," Peter smirked as Lexi breathed a small sigh of relief, "Though I am worried about you," Peter motioned for them to take a seat at one of the empty tables in the dining hall. "Since you've been back things haven't been easy for you, you haven't really participated in groups, you haven't opened up in our private sessions, and I haven't heard you or Trent play once."

"It's just been a little hard, with the trial, and my mother, and restrictions and other stuff," Lexi looked down at her feet realizing how empty she felt, that somehow a piece of her had been lost in the cage. 'so much for my good mood,' she thought.

"I understand Lex, which is why I'm giving you this challenge… I want you to right a song or a poem about all of it, about who you are, about where you've been, and maybe where you're going. It won't be easy I know but hopefully it will give you a safe way to get this junk that's building up out of you," Peter waited for Lexi's typical peeved response and was surprised when she simply nodded her head in agreement.

"I think you may be right Peter, when's it due?" Lexi asked almost excited about the challenge.

"Well I have to go out of town on Thursday afternoon and today is Monday so how about Wednesday?" Peter asked hopeful.

"Sure," Lexi plastered a large fake smile on her face as her stomach began cramping, "Can I go now?"

"Sure Lex," Peter smiled as Lexi shook off her cramps and headed towards the Cliffhangers' dorms hoping to catch up to Trent.

Lexi walked mindfully, aware of every breath she took, every time the wind brushed a strand of hair into her face, and of every painful cramp. She found no sight of Trent as she came to the door of the girl's cabin. Inside Lexi could hear her bunkmates giggling, Lexi stood outside a moment afraid they might be laughing about her.

"I thought you don't do readings on yourself," Lexi heard Shelby putting someone down in typical Shelby fashion.

"It's going to be a full moon tonight, it's too tempting to pass up," Lexi heard Daisy's sweetly dark voice and knew she had a wide smile on her face.

Lexi walked through the door quickly without saying hello to any of her roommates. She swiftly and subtly put some of the laxatives in her desk drawer and a few in her pocket making sure none of her roommates were watching.

"You want me to do a reading for you Lex?" Daisy asked as Lexi finished emptying her book bag.

"No thanks," Lexi smiled as she headed towards the door, "I'm gonna go find Trent."

"Suit yourself," Daisy smiled mischievously as Lexi stepped through the door.

Lexi opened the door and stepped back in shock as she watched Peter pacing back and forth in front of their door.

"You coming or going?" Lexi asked smiling as she tried to put the cramps out of her mind before going to find Trent.

"Is Daisy in there?" Peter asked as Lexi stepped outside.

"Yep, and everyone was decent when I left," Lexi smiled trying to lighten Peter's obviously down mood.

"Make sure you don't miss curfew," Peter smiled weakly before turning to knock on the door Lexi had just left.

"Will do," Lexi chuckled hoping Peter was just tired and that's why he looked so upset.

She walked slowly to the guys' dorm her thoughts torn between the cramping and Trent. As soon as she was sure Peter couldn't see her Lexi pulled the pills out of her pocket and popped three hoping that would make the cramping stop a little.

"Anyone home?" Lexi joked as she knocked on their door. Lexi grabbed her stomach hoping that the cramp would pass before one of the guys let her in, it was obvious the pills hadn't helped the way she had hoped.

"Hold on a sec," Ezra shouted as he and the others fumbled around before opening the door, "Come on in."

"Thanks," Lexi smiled as she took a seat in the Cliffhanger boys' sitting area, "Is Trent here?"

"He's Showering," Auggie said setting his tag book on his bed and looking up to smile at Lexi.

"You wanna go for a walk Lex?" Scott asked putting on his shoes; he knew this might be the only time he could get Lexi alone to go over their arrangement.

By the look in his eyes Lexi knew she had no choice, "Sure."

"Where do you want Trent to meet you guys?" Ezra asked curious as to why Lexi and Scott might be buddy buddy all of a sudden.

"Tell him I'll see him tomorrow," Lexi looked away ashamed of herself.

"You sure that's a good idea Pick," Auggie asked feeling uneasy about Scott and Lexi not wanting Trent to find them.

"We won't be long," Scott stared Auggie down for a moment before he and Lexi headed towards the door.

"That can't be good," Ezra chimed in moving his gaze from the door towards the bathroom.

The moon rose slowly, its full sphere a deep yellow. Lexi kept her eye's glued to the moon as they walked in the cool early spring air. Neither one spoke until they reached the dimly lit woodshed, both were nervous but Lexi knew she was the only one who had a reason to be.

"You don't look any better," Scott skipped all the silly pleasantries and got down to the deal they had struck a month earlier.

"I feel better," Lexi joked trying to put the ever growing cramps out of her mind.

"I'm not sure how you're doing it," Scott said angrily, "You eat at meals but still you've been losing weight."

"You said it yourself I've been eating at meals," Lexi smiled she knew he would never find out her secret, "That was the main condition, that I start eating. So you need to drop this."

"I can't Lex you're shrinking into nothing," Scott pleaded with her surprising not only her but himself with how much he cared if she lived or died.

"I did what you wanted and you and Shelby are happy again so leave me alone," Lexi headed towards the door anger coming off of her thin frame in waves.

"What about Trent? What will you starving yourself to death do to him?" Scott asked desperately trying to get Lexi to hear him.

"Trent is the one I'm worrying about, He's the reason you have to keep this quite," Lexi turned to face Scott, her anger suddenly gone.

"How do you think he's gonna feel when you die?" Scott wondered out loud before looking up at Lexi, "How can you lie to him?"

"I have to lie to him for his own good," Lexi pleaded ignoring his first question.

"What are you talking about?" Scott suddenly felt a lot angrier than he had in a long time.

"Trent is not doing so well," Lexi started taking in Scott's angry expression, "I need to be in control of me so I can take care of him. He couldn't handle this."

"He's stronger than you think," Scott huffed unsure of his anger.

"No he's not," Lexi said firmly, "We're both falling apart, one piece at a time…" Lexi paused trying to keep herself together, "I'm giving him what small pieces I have left, that's all I can do."

"Lexi," Scott stopped suddenly unsure of his argument.

"Just please leave me alone," Lexi said in a numb tone before leaving the shed.

Lexi spotted Trent as soon as she got outside, "Lexi wait!" Scott shouted as he grabbed Lexi's arm, not to hurt her but to try to help her in his own desperate way.

"What are you doing?!" Trent screamed as he ran over to where they were.

Scott immediately let go of Lexi's arm as Trent stared him down, "Let us explain Trent!"

"Lex?" Trent asked taking a step back from Scott's face turning to Lexi for answers.

"It's for sure not what it looks like," Lexi grabbed Trent by the hand and almost began to cry as Trent pulled his hand from hers.

"What is it then?" Trent screamed unsure of everything and everyone. Scott watched Trent closely sure that Lexi was at least right about him not being well.

"I love you," Lexi began tears swelling in her eyes, "Scott wants to have me put back on restrictions I was trying to convince him that I'm fine."

Trent thought over which scenario made sense, his girl friend who was sexually tortured going off to have sex with someone she didn't like or one of their friends trying to force her to get help. Trent took a seat on the ground as if he were breaking in two. After an extremely awkward moment of silence Trent finally raised his head, "Why does he think you need help? What don't I know?"

"You know everything I know," Lexi smiled taking a seat next to him trying to hide the tears that were trying to force their way out, "You've seen me eating right?"

Trent sat for awhile in silence, before looking over at Scott, "Thank you," Trent smiled, his anger vanishing as quickly as it came on, "For trying to help."

"She's sick," Scott said softly as Lexi threw him a warning glance.

"She's eating," Trent said calmly as he got up from the ground, before helping Lexi up.

"She's lying!" Scott raised his voice upset at how blind Trent was.

"Just worry about you and Shelby," Lexi said as coldly as she could.

"This is bull," Scott shouted before storming off towards the docks.

Lexi stared at the ground for a moment silently thanking God that Trent had believed her.

"I love you too," Trent smiled slightly confused by his own emotions. He innocently slipped his hand in hers, his eyes wandering from their hands to meet hers.

Her emerald eyes drew him in and for a moment he forgot the accusations Scott had made.

"Thank you," Lexi smiled at him as she began to lead them towards the dorm.

"We're a mess," Trent spoke up as they stopped in front of the Cliffhanger girls' dorm.

"Typically," Lexi laughed noticing the sudden light shinning from Trent's eyes. She had missed that since they'd both been back at Horizon, she had been afraid that the sparkle in his beautiful hazel eyes had gone out forever.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Trent asked his eyes still lost in Lexi's.

"Of course," Lexi giggle scoffed pretending to be offended.

Trent laughed and then pulled Lexi close taking advantage of the sudden clarity in his head. Before she could say anything he put his lips to hers parting them slightly making sure she knew this kiss was different, that he was different.

Lexi surprised herself by not pulling away automatically. The moment his lips touched hers the rest of her crazy day was erased. The firmness of his lips made Scott and Peter and Cora a distant memory, there was only the two of them.

Trent pulled his face back slowly hoping beyond hope that Lexi understood how much he loved her.

"Goodnight," Lexi said once she gained her composure. She turned towards the door hoping sleep would help the cramps all the craziness of the last hour had made her forget about.

"Wait," Trent grabbed Lexi's arm gently and waited for her to turn back to him, "How was that?"

"It was scary but good," Lexi smiled trying to ignore the cramps that had returned with a vengeance, "Really good."

"Good," Trent smiled as he noticed the dark circles under lights out, "Get some sleep tonight Sweet-Potato."

"I'll try," Lexi joked as she headed inside.

Trent watched her disappear into the dorm before heading to his own dorm.

"Scott back?" Trent asked as he grabbed a small box from his bottom desk drawer and his shower supplies.

"Not yet," Ezra looked up from his book wondering if Trent had took their advice to go find Lexi and Scott.

"How was your walk?" Auggie asked wondering the same thing.

"It was nice," Trent smiled remembering his and Lexi's kiss as he made his way to the bathroom, "Lexi and I had a nice walk."

Trent locked the door behind himself and turned on the water for his shower, he watched the water flowing freely for a moment before deciding he needed to take care of business first. He took a few steps towards the small box on top of his clothes. Thinking over the way he had actually felt things, things he thought he had lost, Trent pulled the small white pills out of his pocket and placed them in the box with the rest of the pills for the last three weeks. He knew it was dangerous but had to believe it was good as well, he would do anything to be normal for Lexi. He had to believe somehow that him not taking the pills and being normal would help him help her.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Higher Ground, which is a total bummer. I do however own Trent and Lexi, which rocks out loud.

Authors note: Its been about two weeks since Daisy's mom has died and its at the point in the show where Shelby gets sent home and Ezra's play has just been canceled. This chapter and the next spans about two and a half weeks and has Shelby's return in it, I just couldn't keep her at her moms with that monster. Please respond and let me know what you think of the story.

"You packed your toothbrush?" Lexi asked looking up from the list in her hand to see Trent smiling and nodding, "And your medicine?"

"Check and check," Trent smiled reassuringly as they waited for Rodger to load all the things for their trip.

"What about pepper spray?" Lexi looked up tears building in her eyes.

Trent immediately pulled her towards him not caring that Peter was only a few yards away.

"She's been sober for three months," Trent said as confidently as possible.

"I don't like this it seems dangerous," Lexi, whispered holding back tears as she nuzzled her head against Trent's shoulder.

"She only hits when she's drunk," Trent whispered as softly as possible, "Plus she's my mom."

"A week is such a long time," Lexi pulled herself away just enough to look at his face.

"If it helps any we're bringing Cora back with us," Trent smiled hoping to lift her spirit.

"Not much," Lexi smiled grateful that in a week's time both of her best friends would be with her again. Trent knew that the kind of friendship Lexi and Cora had was at about the same level if not deeper than the friendship that he and Auggie had developed. They had both found someone outside of each other that they could tell their secrets too.

"I know you miss her," Trent smiled widely.

"I'm gonna miss you more," Lexi blushed as Trent gave her a kiss on the cheek suddenly aware of the adult supervision, "Just promise me you'll try to be safe."

"Nope I think I'm just gonna go home and get really high," Trent joked before Lexi punched him lightly on the arm, "Ok, Ok, I promise."

"See you in a week?" Lexi asked taking another step back still really uncomfortable.

"One week," Trent picked up the duffle bag by his feet, "I love you."

"I love you too," Lexi held back the tears as Trent turned from her and headed towards the van.

"He's strong," Peter said coming to her side, "And I wouldn't let him go if I didn't think he could handle it."

"He's strong," Lexi repeated tears falling from her eyes as the van pulled away. "Though she's always been stronger," Lexi whispered to herself as the van disappeared over the hill.

The ride from Horizon to the small Oakland neighborhood Trent had called his home for years had been a stressful one. With every mile marker Trent grew more and more anxious, silently praying that his mother had really stopped drinking.

"You must be Mrs. McMillan," Rodger extended his hand to the woman who had to be Trent's mother.

"Tricia," She smiled, Rodger noticed how similar Trent and his mother looked, "It's just too much of a hassle to change your name again," she joked trying to ease the tension in the living room.

"So I hear," Rodger smiled warmly trying to help relax an obviously worried Trent.

"I missed you," Tricia said awkwardly not sure if Trent felt the same way, "So did Paul, he'll be home for dinner."

"I missed you too," Trent let his guard down slightly realizing how much he had missed this version of his mother. Looking at her now Trent wasn't sure that the woman in front of him and the woman who had beat him regularly where the same person.

"Before I go," Rodger started realizing the time, "There are a few things that need to be addressed."

"Of course," Tricia said her deep hazel eyes lighting up. Trent hadn't seen her so alive without a bottle in her hand for so long he didn't know if he should be scared or excited.

"First off Trent has agreed to a curfew of Ten O'clock and to stay away from his old drug hangouts. Second Trent has agreed to be responsible for his medicine and take it as required for his treatment program," Rodger hated sounding like a sergeant giving orders but knew that as soon as they got this out of the way they could begin to get to know each other again. "Lastly Trent has agreed to be honest with you about any changes in his mood or anything that may cause a set back in his positive growth."

"Ok?" Mrs. McMillan looked over at her son with a confused look plainly spread across her face.

"Basically I promise to come home on time, not get high, spend time with you and Paul, and Let you know if I'm starting to feel crazy," Trent felt a surge go through him like he had in the car and chocked it up to nerves before turning his attention to Rodger who had stood up. Trent had promised himself to follow each of the rules but one. He had been feeling so much better without the medicine that he couldn't even think about going back to it.

"I'll only be fifteen minutes away if you need me for any reason," Trent stood up and shook Rodger's hand glad his life had finally stopped falling apart, "You have the number?"

"Yep," Trent couldn't get rid of the smile on his face as he walked Rodger to the door. Turning to head back to the living room he was sure Lexi had no reason to be scared for him.

Lexi power walked around the grounds trying to put all her nervous energy to good use. Trent had been gone for three days and he hadn't called her once. Lexi had tried to convince her self over and over again that everything was fine and that he was just having fun with his mom, but something tugged at her resolve.

"Lexi," Ezra shouted jogging to catch up to Lexi.

Lexi stopped walking and began jogging in place as she waited for Ezra to make his way to where she was.

"Took you long enough," Lexi joked checking her pulse.

"Cliffhanger's meeting," Ezra said plainly taking in for the first time how much thinner Lexi had gotten since she had started hanging out with Cora, "Should you be jogging?"

"What's going on?" Lexi stopped moving ignoring Ezra's question, hoping that nothing had happened to Trent or that the Cliffhangers were on to her.

"Scott," Ezra's face filled with pain, as he thought about his friend hurting.

"Let's go," Lexi couldn't help but be relieved as she started jogging towards the main lodge with Ezra trailing a little ways behind her.

The tension in the meeting was obvious as Lexi and Ezra sat down in the only seats left.

"Ok Juliette why did you call this meeting?" Sophie asked turning her attention from the new comers to an obviously distraught Juliette.

"Well Scott has been bummed since Shelby left and he's cut himself off from the group," Juliette paused for a moment taking her gaze from the rest of the group to stare directly at Scott, "And he's being very disrespectful to his mom."

"Oh yeah cause you're an expert on moms Jules," Scott rolled his eyes wishing that they would all just disappear.

"I'm just trying to help," Juliette fought back the urge to yell at him.

"Yo, Meat I know it sucks the way Shelby left but," Auggie hated to see his friends in pain but knew the truth had to be told, "She's gone, you can't push us all away."

"Watch me," Scott whispered under his breath.

"It hurts," Lexi said softly looking up at Scott surprised at how easily Trent had left her mind for the moment, "But it doesn't hurt forever."

"What do you know?" Scott hissed at her sick and tired of his friends thinking they knew what he was going through.

"I know that my mother called me a whore on the witness stand and never wants to see me again," Lexi shouted back at him, "I know that Trent is probably in hell right now and I know why you hated that she left."

"Lexi?" Sophie asked moving towards the tiny girl who looked like she might pass out at any moment.

"I'm fine," Lexi took a deep breath to try and calm herself, "Talk to your mom, or don't, that's your business… just don't pretend that we're all stupid or we don't care."

Lexi got up and left the circle not caring to look back at any of their faces. She made her way to the bathroom as quickly as possible and sat down on the floor of the nearest stall. Lexi pulled a little bag out of her pocket and popped five laxatives in her mouth before curling into a ball and letting her emotions take her.

"Please let him be ok," Lexi prayed her eyes overflowing with tears.

Trent paced back and forth in his small bedroom wishing he was back at Horizon with Lexi. As he listened to the fight on the other side of the door Trent hoped his stepfather wouldn't leave him alone with her.

"You're drunk Tricia!" Trent's stepfather Paul shouted from the other room, "So much for AA."

"Of course I'm drunk what else am I supposed to be while you're out screwing other women all night?" Tricia screamed. Trent's eyes widened and he paced faster and faster a thousand things running through his mind at once.

"I can't take this anymore!" Paul screamed. Trent heard it then the sound of all is hopes dying, as the front door slammed shut and a bottle crashed against the wall.

"Trent!" His mother screamed, "Trent get your ass out here right now!"

Trent froze for a moment unsure what to do. "Trent!" She screamed again making Trent jump.

Before he knew what was going on Trent grabbed his emergency money and stuffed it in his pocket hoping he could make it out the window before she thought to come into his room.

"Where do you think you're going?" Tricia asked in an eerily calm voice, which made her seem even more dangerous than the shrieking woman he had heard just a few minutes before.

"Please don't," Trent whimpered taking a step away from his open window.

"Don't?!" She screamed again as she tightened the grip on the belt in her hand, "You chased off another one. You ruin everything."

Without thinking Trent tried to run past her, before he made it even a centimeter past her the belt in her hand came down hard on his back.

"That was a dumb move," She said coolly kicking a screaming Trent until he fell to his knees.

Before he understood what was going on Trent's shirt had been removed and his mother began lashing him over and over again.

"If you weren't so worthless I wouldn't have to do this!" She screamed as she hit him all over with her belt. Trent had learned at young age not to cry and not to move when his mother was like this, however the combination of the lack of sleep and lack of proper medication in his system Trent disregarded all the things that had kept him safe.

"What do you think you're doing?" His mother asked as Trent attempted to push himself up off the floor.

Trent struggled to his feet, shoved his mother off of him and took off out the front door still shirtless and bleeding. A thousand names and faces sped through his mind making it almost impossible for him to think.

"Biggie," Trent whispered to himself as he wandered the dark Oakland streets. He walked as fast as he could towards Lexi's neighborhood, hoping he could get across town before dawn.

"Just a few more streets," Trent repeated to himself over and over again as he walked by the house Lexi had grown up in, "Just a few more." Three blocks later Trent found what he'd been searching for a large blue house with gray shutters.

"Just a minute," someone shouted from behind the large gray door Trent had been knocking on.

"Can I help you?" A tall dirty blonde girl asked opening the door and then immediately regretting the decision.

"Biggie, I need to see Biggie," Trent repeated in the same uneasy tone he had used as he walked across town.

"Hold on a sec," The girl said noticing how Trent wasn't able to keep still for even a second, "Biggie!"

"What is it skank?" A male screamed from inside the house.

"Someone wants you," The girl called back as if she hadn't heard the skank comment.

Trent paced quickly back and forth on the porch as he waited.

After a few minutes and some banging around inside the house a muscular guy with bleached blonde hair came out and stood next to the girl who stood in the door way.

"Biggie!" Trent stopped pacing and smiled largely at the muscular teen.

"Trent?" Biggie tilted his head unsure of the thin bruised teenager in front of him.

Trent simply shook his head feverishly before Biggie motioned for them to move the reunion inside.

"Is Lexi with you?' Biggie asked taking a seat on the white leather sofa with his girl.

"She's still at school," Trent rocked back and forth on his heels too nervous to sit.

"I heard you two got sent up," Biggie smiled a large smile before he noticed Trent was shirtless, "So what are you doing here?"

"Long story, very very long story," Trent shook his head making Biggie and his girl uncomfortable.

"Well you can stay here I guess," Biggie offered while his girlfriend threw him a nasty look.

Trent nodded his head his mind still spinning making it hard for him to concentrate enough to have a normal conversation.

"We were just about to start a party…" Biggie pulled out a few small vials filled with white powder, "You want to join? I know it's not as good as the stuff Lexi got a hold of but still."

Trent grabbed the vial and razor blade offered to him and automatically sank to his knees and began making lines on the table, hoping that the fine white powder could help him out run his thoughts and his mother.

Lexi sat in the waiting room of Peter's office nervously tapping her fingers against a small notebook that sat in her lap.

"Come on in Lex," Peter smiled briefly seeing the obvious hurt in Lexi's eyes.

Lexi took her normal seat on Peter's couch clutching her notebook to her chest.

"So what's up Lexi?" Peter asked in a tired voice as he took a seat behind his desk.

"After we talked this afternoon I thought of something," Lexi held up the notebook for Peter to see.

"Go ahead," Peter thought back on their conversation that morning, Lexi looked as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest when he told her Trent had been missing for a couple of days.

"It's a list of my client-tell," Lexi said ashamed of the thing she had once been proud of about herself, "There are a few places Trent might be."

"Where do we start?" Peter suddenly came alive as he grabbed his phone and started to dial Rodger's number.

Lexi scooted forward on the couch as she flipped a couple pages in her notebook.

"Start with Scooter," Lexi got up and handed Peter the notebook pointing out where she had dog eared the pages and circled the names of the people she thought Trent might be with, "Then try Biggie."

"Thank you Lexi," Peter smiled before pressing the send button on his phone. As Peter and Rodger talked Lexi slipped out of the room not liking she had nothing else to offer the search party.

Lexi walked as slowly as possible trying to enjoy the sun on her pale skin. "Remember what Peter taught you," Lexi whispered to her self as she walked along the path that lead to the docks. It seemed like everything was going wrong, Trent was missing, His mom was drunk, Shelby was back in her hell hole, Scott was falling apart, Peter was distant, Sophie was hiding something big, and Cora was still gone. "I can only control my actions," Lexi whispered again as she took off her shoes and socks so she could dangle her feet in the cool lake water.

"Hey," Lexi heard a voice call from behind her.

"Hey Scott," Lexi smiled sadly as Scott sat down beside her.

Scott took off his shoes and socks and dangled his feet next to Lexi's.

"Did you mean it?" Scott asked refusing to look up from his feet obviously embarrassed, "About you caring and being able to talk to you?"

"Nope," Lexi joked leaning her head back letting the light wash over her, "I hope you decide to suffer in silence."

"You're funny," Scott laughed a hollow laugh unsure his heart would ever heal after everything he'd been through.

"I try," Lexi rolled her eyes and leaned forward, sure she would have to be the one to break the small talk, "So what's up?"

"It's Elaine," Scott said in a quiet voice that reminded Lexi more of Trent than Scott, "My step-mom."

" She's the one that…" Lexi stopped as she saw how Scott suddenly tensed up, "What about her?"

"Did you ever love him?" Scott lifted his head and forced himself to look in to Lexi's eyes, "Greg I mean."

Lexi pulled her feet out of the water and tucked them under her and turned her head to look straight out over the water, "I thought I did for the first year or two… before things got rough. I thought if I loved him it wouldn't make it wrong, I wouldn't be so dirty."

"What changed your mind?" Scott asked his voice pleading and sad.

"The fact that even after I took a shower I didn't feel clean. My real dad loved me, I had something to gage real love by."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Lexi spoke up, "I don't hate him though, too busy hating myself."

"I understand that," Scott kicked the water a little harder unsure how to get out what he was feeling.

"What did you want to talk about Scott?" Lexi turned to face Scott who was nervously fidgeting with his hands.

"How do you keep going?" Scott lifted one of his hands and brushed it through his golden locks, refusing to look over at Lexi, "You and Shelby just keep going and I feel like I'm falling apart."

"I'm not," Lexi spat out bitterly causing Scott to look over at her with a mix of hopelessness and confusion on his normally carefree face. "Shelby keeps going cause she's a fighter. I can't, I'm stuck."

"You seem to be functional," Scott pulled his feet out of the water and began to put on his shoes and socks trying to be as casual as possible.

"Barely," Lexi admitted with a defeated tone in the sweet low voice that was uniquely her, "It's like I'm on the edge, I can almost touch the future and I've already been to the past yet I'm stuck sinking where I am. Everyday I just want to give into the nothingness but…"

"What can we do?" Scott included himself hoping she might have the answer he desperately needed.

"Hope that Peter and Sophie are right, that someday we'll make it through," Lexi smiled at Scott who was surprisingly smiling back at her.

"Lex," The two teens turned around to see Juliette headed towards them a wide smile plastered on her face.

"I won't tell anyone," Lexi whispered as she put back on her socks and shoes. Lexi stood up and headed towards Juliette, "What's up Jules?"

"Peter wants to see you," Juliette smiled though she was confused why Scott and Lexi might be hanging out together, "Now."

"Thanks," Lexi said before heading off alone towards Peter's office, humming as she went, hopeful that Rodger had found Trent.

"Go right in Lexi," Sophie smiled though Lexi was sure she saw some tears lingering in her eyes. Lexi walked through the door with Sophie entering right behind her.

"Take a seat Lex," Peter motioned to the couch, his voice full of tears.

"What's wrong?" Lexi asked refusing to sit until she got some answers.

"I think you should sit," Peter said again as he got up from behind his desk and moved closer to Sophie and Lexi.

"What did she do to him?" Lexi asked feeling as if she was sinking quicker and quicker into the emptiness she and Scott had talked about just moments before.

"We haven't found Trent yet," Peter started hoping Lexi would take the news better than he thought she would, "He had been at Biggie's for a couple days but he moved on a few hours before Rodger checked there."

"So what's going on?" Lexi breathed a small sigh of relief hoping Trent was safe and glad that he wasn't with his mom.

"Cora has passed away," Peter said quietly preparing himself for Lexi to fall apart.

"How?" Lexi asked still refusing to sit. Lexi could feel her head go under the numbness that kept her stuck.

"Lexi maybe this isn't the best time to discuss the details," Sophie put an arm around Lexi taking her quietness as a sign of mourning.

"How Peter?" Lexi asked coldly unable to feel a single thing.

"Her father found her slumped over the toilet this morning," Peter began, worried by Lexi's lack of response, "Her esophagus ruptured, her bulimia caused the tissue to weaken and this time it tore completely and she bled out."

"I'm sorry Lex," Sophie gave Lexi a long hug hoping the thin girl would snap out of her trance like state, "I know you two were good friends."

"Please pass on my apologies," Lexi said softly pulling herself out of Sophie's hug.

"Talk to me Lex," Peter begged as Lexi turned towards the door.

"I'm tired Peter, if it's ok I'm gonna go lay down before dinner," Lexi opened the door and headed out without looking back at Peter and Sophie.

Nothing mattered to Lexi, not the sun that she had enjoyed earlier or the countless students she passed on her way to her dorm. The only thing Lexi seemed to notice was the numbness that carried her from Peter's office to her bed.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own the Higher ground only Lexi and Trent!

Authors note: This chapter picks up where the last chapter left off. Please read and respond. If I have any fans out there please read and respond.

"Daisy she hasn't moved in two days," Juliette spoke normally not caring if Lexi could hear her or not, "I don't think that's gonna help."

"It's worth a try," Daisy spat at the thin brunette who was waiting for her by the door.

"Lex?" Daisy stood over Lexi's bed with a worried look on her face as she sat a tray of food on the desk. Lexi was covered up so that the only thing that gave away a person in her bed

was steady breathing and her carrot colored hair peaking out.

As soon as they were gone Lexi took the tray of food to the bathroom and dumped the food in the toilet. After she made sure all the food was gone Lexi placed the tray on the floor in

front of the stall and went back to bed, letting the numbness carry her into a dreamless sleep.

Trent looked over his shoulders every few minutes as he walked along the alleys that made up the less desirable part of Oakland.

"Can't do it," Trent mumbled to himself as he walked, his brain still buzzing and fractured from the mixture of coke, a manic episode, and the beating his mother had given him.

The night was coming on quickly so Trent slid down a wall next to a dumpster behind a Chinese food restaurant. It had been almost a week since Trent left Biggie's house and he still had

no idea where to go or what to do. He took a razor blade out of his pocket and pulled up the bottom of the shirt Biggie gave him, taking shallow breathes Trent tried desperately to focus

on the cuts he was making instead of the thoughts spinning in his mind. Trent stopped for a moment letting his mind float in the feeling of his cuts, as soon as the peace was gone he

stood up trying to remember where the shelter was, hoping he wouldn't have to spend another night outside. "She was right," Trent whispered to himself frantically trying to focus on Lexi

as he passed by a group of large men who looked like they were just begging for someone to start something with them.

"Lex," Peter said as he took a seat in Lexi's line of vision sure she could hear him, "I know it's hard but I need you to get up and start eating. If you don't we're going to have to move you

to the infirmary and set you up with an IV."

Lexi continued to stare at the wall her mind completely blank. Lexi could hear them and see them but the people around her had a strange dream like quality to them as if she wasn't sure

they were real.

"Lexi, it's been over a week," Lexi tried to concentrate on what Peter was saying but found it difficult to even care.

"Peter," Sophie started just out of Lexi's line of sight, "Tell her about Trent."

He hesitated before answering, "We found Trent," Peter paused hoping Lexi would move even a little bit, when she didn't Peter continued, "He's pretty banged up, so the hospital Rodger

took him to are going to keep him a few days before releasing him back to us."

"He's coming home," Sophie stated excitedly as she took a seat at the end of Lexi's bed.

Lexi hadn't moved an inch as the other Cliffhanger's poured into the room. Peter knew from the empty trays and half eaten apples the girls had found in the bathroom that Lexi wasn't

catatonic, and wished he could figure a way to bring her out of the shell she had placed herself in.

"Look who we found," Juliette spoke up as the entire group settled into the room.

"Shelby?" Sophie got off the bed and ran to hug the petite blonde who was standing near the front door.

"Hey Sophie," Shelby smiled as she tried to worm out of the hug.

"I'm glad you're back Shelby," Peter said reluctantly getting up from Lexi's side, "You guys should probably give Shelby sometime to get settled," Peter looked directly at the boys and

motioned towards the door.

"We're going, we're going," Auggie threw his hands up in surrender as he, Ezra and Scott filed out the door with Sophie right behind them.

"It's good to be home," Shelby smiled throwing her things down on her bed. Peter took his seat next to Lexi's bed as the rest of the girls quietly decided to follow the boys leaving Peter,

Shelby, and Lexi alone.

"Jules told me about Cora," Shelby said as she finished unpacking her things. Shelby's bed was next to Lexi's and for the first time since Lexi had been at Horizon Shelby was glad they

were neighbors.

"It's been tough," Peter moved his eyes from Lexi's tiny frozen body to Shelby, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm better than I've been in awhile," Shelby said honestly, smiling at the memory of her stepfather being dragged away by the police, "Lexi's not doing well though."

Peter simply shook his head, "I've got to go make preparations to move her." Peter got up putting one hand on Shelby's shoulder, "It's good to have you back."

As soon as Peter was gone Shelby took the seat he'd been occupying, trying to think of something to say to Lexi.

"Lexi?" Shelby asked unsure her sometimes friend could hear her, "I'm sorry about Cora."

Lexi simply stared ahead hearing Shelby but not really sure if what she heard was real or not.

"Well one of us has to do the talking Bones," Shelby joked as she carefully grabbed one of Lexi's hands. "If you ever repeat this I promise to deny it, not that you're a big chatter box

these days."

Lexi didn't respond to Shelby's touch or joke so the blonde continued, "You were right about me… I was just a scared little abused girl. Walt did things to me and to my little sister Jess. I'm

sorry I was so harsh to you and to Cora."

Lexi continued to stare blankly at the wall though her mind was slowly starting to lose the dream like edge it had the past week, "It made me dirty and mean, I just didn't want to be hurt

again. You knew too much so I took it out on you," Shelby's voice cracked slightly as she let her guard down.

Lexi's mind twisted and turned inside the darkness that had swallowed her whole. Something Shelby had said shook her slowly free from the prison her mind had created.

"I'm so tired," Lexi moved her head slowly looking up into Shelby's crystal clear blue eyes.

"You've been in bed for a week," Shelby laughed uncomfortably quickly removing her hand from Lexi's.

"I think I might smell bad," Lexi said in a distant tone. Though she could speak and think again she still felt numb.

"Again you've been in bed for a week," Selby smiled helping Lexi out of bed, "You should take a shower."

Lexi moved slowly, her joints tired and stiff from limited use.

Shelby watched carefully as Lexi gathered her things to take a shower, afraid that the obviously sick girl might collapse at any moment.

"A shower sounds nice," Lexi said as she slowly made her way to the bathroom.

The bathroom quickly filled with steam as Lexi undressed, each thought in her head unable to make its way to her heart. As the burning water poured over her body Lexi thought of Trent

and how cold she had become.

As Trent slowly opened his eyes and attempted to sit up he found himself strapped to what appeared to be a hospital bed.

"I need you to calm down Trent," Rodger said soothingly from the chair next to his bed.

"What's going on?" Trent asked as he tugged at the restraints, praying that one of them might break, "Rodger why am I here?"

Before Rodger had a chance to answer the doctor entered the room.

"Trent?" He asked taking a step towards the bed.

"What's going on?" Trent asked growing more and more upset.

"Trent I'm Doctor Kline," The gray haired doctor smiled as he took another step towards the bed, "You're in the hospital, we restrained you so you wouldn't hurt yourself."

"Why am I here?" Trent asked tears filling his eyes, "Rodger?"

"I know this is hard Trent but I need you to concentrate and answer all of Dr. Kline's questions as honestly as possible," Rodger said as he grabbed Trent's hand hoping the battered teen

would understand that he was on his side.

Trent simply nodded his head as he tried to force his building tears back, wishing that he was back at Horizon.

"Ok Trent," Dr. Kline started as he took the seat in between the door and Trent's bed, "Do you know why you're here?"

"No," Trent spoke up his voice shaky.

"What's the last thing you remember Trent?" Dr. Kline and Rodger watched as Trent began breathing heavier.

Trent sat and thought for a moment trying to steady his breath, "I remember being at my mom's we were watching a movie."

Trent didn't like lying but hated the idea of hurting his mom even more, the last thing he really remembered was Phil leaving and his mother beating the crap out of him.

"Ok, Trent lying is not going to help you out," Dr. Kline ran one of his hands through his salt and pepper hair reminding both Rodger and Trent of Scott.

"I'm not lying," Trent lied tears filling his eyes once more.

"Trent who hit you? Who gave you the drugs?" Rodger asked hating to see Trent so messed up.

"No one hit me, and what drugs are you talking about?" Trent asked in an angry tone hating that not only was he lying to one of the only people who had ever helped him but also that he

couldn't remember what had happened, "How long have I been in here?"

"I found you yesterday, you had been roughed over more than once, you were higher than a kite, and you had lost a lot of blood," Rodger squeezed Trent's hand remembering how hard

it had been for him to find out what he had done during his last manic episode.

"What do you mean you found me?" Trent asked his eye's fixing on a particular part of his hospital gown, which had little spots of blood on it.

Seeing the blood made him hate himself even more than he had.

"You've been missing for about a week or so Trent," Rodger said softly hoping Trent would open up, "We need to know about the drugs, we found some cocaine on you along with a razor

blade."

"I have no clue," Trent said honestly looking up from his gown into Rodger's eyes silently pleading with him to get him out of here, "I hate this."

"Why did you stop taking your medicine Trent?" Dr. Kline spoke looking up from the notes he'd been taking.

"Because I couldn't breathe," Trent said honestly, "I was either angry or a zombie, I just wanted to be normal, I wanted to be normal for her."

"Lexi wants you healthy, to be healthy you need to take your medicine," Rodger encouraged, hoping Trent would see reason.

"I don't want to be a zombie, I'm not taking that crap," Trent raised his voice feeling his wounds pull slightly.

"We're going to keep you here a few days just to observe you and find a medicine that won't make you feel like a zombie," Dr. Kline smiled looking up from his notes again.

"Can you take these off?" Trent asked looking down at his wrists, which were sore, now that he thought of it most of his body was sore.

"Only if you promise that you won't try and harm yourself," Dr. Kline said firmly motioning towards Trent's abdomen.

"I promise," Trent, said exhausted from their talk.

Rodger and the Doctor each took their respective restraints and undid them.

"Thanks," Trent smiled before a troubling image of his drunken mother entered his mind. "Where's my mom?" Trent asked trying to hide the fear he felt.

"She said she didn't want to be here that it would be best if you two didn't see each for awhile," Rodger said a little bitterly sure that Trent's mom was the reason for the strange wounds

they found on is back.

"Ok, I think it's time for Trent to try and rest a little," Dr. Kline stood up motioning for Rodger to follow him.

Trent grabbed Rodgers arm, "Is it ok if Rodger stays?" Trent asked not wanting to be alone with himself and the few things he could remember from his episode.

"For now, but I want you to try and rest," Dr. Kline briefly looked at his watch before he headed towards the door, "I'll be back in two hours, to check on you."

"Rodger?" Trent asked looking over at the large lack man next to him once he was sure the doctor was gone.

"What's up Trent?" Rodger looked up from the book he had brought with him.

"My mom is drinking again," Trent looked away ashamed as he thought on the words his mother had said as she beat him.

"Did she hit you Trent?" Rodger asked putting one hand on Trent's shoulder.

"No," Trent lied not wanting to get his mother in trouble, as much as he hated her at the end of the day she was still his mom.

"Trent if she did hit you you can tell me," Rodger pushed hoping Trent might bring his abuse into the light.

"She didn't," Trent sighed wishing he hadn't asked Rodger to stay so he could cut.

"I'll let Peter know she's been drinking," Rodger said slightly disappointed knowing full well that Trent was lying.

Trent took a deep breath before asking Rodger the question he'd been dying to know since he woke up, "How is she?"

"Lexi? She's not doing well," Rodger started thinking about how much he'd had on his plate this past week, "Cora died last week."

"Damn it," Trent cursed under his breath sure that Rodger's 'not doing well' meant not eating.

"Lexi I need you to come out," Peter said as he flipped through Lexi's file in Nurse Margret's office.

"Fine," Lexi said emotionless as she opened the curtain.

Sophie and Nurse Margret both gasped in horror at how tiny Lexi had gotten in the past month or two.

"Step backwards onto the scale," Nurse Margret directed once she had gotten over the shock of Lexi's frail body.

Lexi did what she was told without any sort of fuss or fight, she was too tired to fight and too numb to care what they thought.

"Lexi get dressed and meet me in my office in fifteen minutes," Peter ordered his voice filled with concern. Lexi did what she was told and left Peter, Sophie and Nurse Margret to their

thoughts.

The only thing Lexi noticed of the world around her as she walked from the infirmary to the main lodge was that it was too sunny out.

Over the past week Lexi's eyes had learned to appreciate the dark again. She wasn't even sure she wanted to exist anymore as she passed the basketball court, where the Cliffhanger's

were shooting around. She felt nothing so she reasoned that she was nothing and why does a nothing need a life.

"Hey Lex!" Juliette shouted as Lexi passed by, "We need another cheerleader."

Lexi stopped for a second before ignoring Juliette's invite.

"What is her issue?" Juliette snapped at the group causing them to stop their game.

"She's going through a rough time," Shelby spoke up in Lexi's defense surprising most of the Cliffhanger's.

"Shelby's right," Scott said softly, "Lexi's had a pretty hard two weeks."

"That's no excuse," Auggie said sitting down on the wall.

"Auggie's right," Ezra huffed uncomfortably, "Lexi's attitude is bad and she looks even worse."

"Lexi's best friend just died and her other best friend has been missing for a week," Shelby shouted taking a few steps towards Juliette, "I think you should back off."

"Depressed or not we can't just let her destroy her body," Daisy said in her typical even tone.

"Fine call the meeting then Jules," Shelby said with a mean smiled glued on her face, "But don't be surprised when this blows up in your face."

As Shelby and Scott went to find Lexi, Auggie, Ezra, Daisy, and Juliette headed off to find Peter and Sophie.

"I don't want to talk," Lexi said as she took a seat in the circle.

"Than just listen," Sophie said sternly hoping her friends could pull her out of this funk she'd been in since she 'woke up', "Juliette you called this group, so why don't you start."

"I called this group because lately Lexi's been shutting us out, she refuses to talk about what's bothering her, she's destroying her body and she had that melt down, and refuses to deal

with any of it, "Juliette said genuine concern in her voice.

"Ok does anyone else feel this way?" Sophie asked curious how many in the group would support Juliette's claims.

"Pick, I'm sorry about Cora but you can't keep it all in," Auggie said with a pained look on his face, he hated to see his friends hurting especially when they didn't have to.

Peter came in quietly to the room praying that Lexi would open up to her group.

"Lex do you have anything to say?" Sophie asked as she looked over the thin girl.

"Not really," Lexi said in a cold tired voice as she pulled her hair into a ponytail.

"You're dying Lexi, don't you even care?" Kat asked her face flushed in anger.

"Why do you care?" Lexi snapped the numbness that had comforted her drifting away.

"We care about you?" Juliette tried to reach a hand to Lexi who was sitting next to her.

"No you don't, why even bother faking it Jules," Lexi said more agitated than she had been in a long time.

"What?! I'm your friend Lexi, I'm sorry that you can't see that!" Juliette tried to keep herself from shouting at Lexi's accusation.

"I'm your competition Jules just admit it," Lexi fumed abandoning any sense she had, "You hate that I can stay in control better than you can.

"You are way off base Pick," Auggie stepped in to defend Juliette.

"I don' t think I am," Lexi hissed in Juliette's direction.

"I'm not the one whose been taking laxatives and ipecac or hiding my food," Juliette said smugly hoping that Lexi wouldn't have a comeback, "I also haven't been padding myself with

clothes or exercising in the middle of the night."

"You're right Jules," Lexi said sarcasm dripping from each word, "You've just been purging like crazy."

"What do you want from me Jules?" Lexi asked tired and angry, "You want me to open up? Fine," Lexi huffed unsure what she wanted anymore, "I'm tired, I am so tired and angry that I

can't stand it. My best friend is dead, my dad is dead, my mother wishes I were dead, my step-dad left me to rot and ruined me, and my boyfriend is falling apart! My world has collapsed

Jules are you happy now?" Lexi screamed as her heart began pounding in her ears, "I can't help but hate myself."

"Why do you hate yourself?" Ezra asked as he swatted at the tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks.

"Because everything I touch gets ruined, I mess everything up," Lexi began sobbing for the first time in what felt like forever, "Cora is dead and it's my fault!"

"Cora helped you stay sick, she wasn't that good of a friend," Juliette said sharply earning a glare from the rest of the group.

Daisy ignored Juliette as she got up from her chair and put her arms around Lexi.

"Don't touch me!" Lexi screamed through her sobs, "I ruin everything!"

"Cora made her choices, it is not your fault," Daisy said soothingly as they both sank to the floor, Lexi crying as Daisy held her.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Higher Ground, which is a very sad fact, but a fact I must live

with. I do own Lexi and Trent! Whoop Whoop!

A/N: This chapter takes place a week after Trent gets back and is set during parent's weekend. I've decided to cut out the Peter on drugs wanting to quit thing. If anyone wants me to do a second season please let me know before chapter 20. Please Read and Respond, I like to hear what you think!

Funny side note: While writing this chapter I realized that I never described Trent's hair… until now.

* * *

"Is her two hours up?" Trent asked as he came up behind the couch Lexi and Juliette were on.

"Seems so," Sophie answered from the chair closest to the fireplace, "But we have group in about twenty minutes."

"Ok," Trent smiled as he came around to help Lexi off the couch.

"You are three shades of awesome," Lexi smiled and kissed Trent quickly on the cheek as soon as they were out of Sophie's sight.

"So I've been told," Trent joked taking Lexi's small hand in his tryin to ignore how cold it was, "So why are you on super harsh meal restrictions again?"

"Well," Lexi began as they walked casually around the edge of the woods, "I did something's that I probably shouldn't have… plus during a room search last week Peter found two teddy bears Cora had sent me, that were filled with Ipecac and laxatives."

"I think that might not have been the smartest thing you could have done," Trent said half joking half serious.

"Says the guy who stopped taking his medicine, had a manic episode, went missing, cut and got high," Lexi joked trying to hide how worried she had been about Trent.

"Touché," Trent smiled as he stopped walking causing Lexi to stop as well, "Can I kiss you?"

"I'd like that," Lexi grinned ignoring the slight itch that came from her scar.

Trent quickly checked to make sure there was no one around before he closed the gap between Lexi and himself.

"I would never hurt you," Trent promised moving his face closer to hers.

As they kissed Lexi's brains flooded with the reasons she loved Trent. Lexi moved one of her hands from Trent's neck to his cheek.

"Ouch," Trent said ending their kiss.

"Sorry," Lexi said quickly removing her hand from his face, "I forgot, you got 'mugged'," Lexi said sarcastically using air quotes.

"I think I got mugged at least," Trent said taking a seat on the small wall that lined that part of the grounds.

"I think you need to tell Peter about what your mom did to you," Lexi said firmly sitting down next to Trent.

"I think you need to start eating more," Trent came back not really wanting to talk about his mom.

"Just think about it," Lexi said softly leaning her head against Trent's shoulder.

"Only if you will," Trent rested his head gently against Lexi's.

"Maybe," Lexi yawned.

"Carrot-Cake?" Trent asked hoping Lexi hadn't fallen asleep.

"Yeah, Sweet-Potato?" Lexi answered through another yawn.

"Do you think we'll make it?" Trent put his hand back in Lexi's freezing hand.

"Here's hoping," Lexi said as she pulled Trent's hand up to her lips, "Though to be honest I'm on the fence," She said after she gave his hand a small kiss.

"Me too," Trent whispered into Lexi's hair.

"There you two are," Ezra said interrupting their quiet moment, "Its time for group."

"Sophie said twenty minutes," Lexi complained too comfortable to move.

"Well Sophie said it's time now," Ezra rolled his eyes in irritation, "I think it's because David's back."

"David?" Lexi asked as her and Trent got up slowly from the wall.

"The obnoxious newbie we got when you first got back," Trent filled her in as they walked back towards the main lodge.

"Obnoxious is right," Ezra added, "I'm so glad I was in the infirmary his first time around."

"Well this should be fun," Lexi released her hand from Trent's, and pulled her hair into a low side ponytail.

"Loads," Trent said sarcastically as they entered the main lodge.

"Good of you three to join us," Sophie took a seat and motioned for the group to do the same, "Ok we have a new member of the Cliffhanger's so let' start tonight's group with introductions, your name and how you're feeling today… Scott?"

The blonde looked up from his hands before starting, "I'm Scott and I'm frustrated, Jules."

"I'm Juliette and I'm nervous," Juliette said as she fussed with her long brown hair, "Auggie."

"I'm Auggie and I'm excited," Auggie smiled as he jokingly elbowed Juliette who was sitting next to him, "Shelby."

"I'm Shelby," Shelby began before David interrupted her.

"I remember, you're the feisty one," David made a kissing face towards Shelby.

"David try to keep on task," Sophie scolded before turning back to Shelby, "Go on Shelby."

"And I'm feeling really worried," Shelby put her head down trying to ignore David's comment, "Trent."

"I'm Trent and I'm confused," Trent said not sure if he could put exactly how he was feeling into words, "Daisy."

"I'm Daisy and I'm content," Daisy used her typical emotionless tone, "Kat."

"I'm Kat and I'm excited," Kat beamed excited at the thought of graduating, "Ezra."

"I'm Ezra and I'm relieved," Ezra said quickly before motioning to Lexi, "Lex."

"I'm Lexi, and I'm scared," Lexi took a deep breath before looking up at the new boy who was staring at her, "David."

"I'm David and I'm so happy to be back here at Horizon," David said sarcastically winking at Lexi, "I know we'll all get really close."

"Ok good start," Sophie spoke up choosing to ignore David's obvious innuendo, "Now tonight I want us to explore are feelings, what do you think is causing your feelings and if you're feeling negatively what can you do to maybe improve your mood or prevent yourself from acting out? Who wants to start?"

"I will," Juliette said softly, "I'm nervous because my mother is bringing daddy number six to Parents Weekend tomorrow, I don't think she'll approve of how fat I've gotten."

"You're not fat Jules," Auggie said firmly hoping Juliette wouldn't go back to making herself sick.

"Anyway," Juliette started ignoring Auggie's kind words, "I'm going to write in my journal and let people know when I'm feeling close to the edge so I don't do something to mess up my progress."

"Good Jules, Auggie how about you go next and then choose someone to go after you," Sophie smiled glad Juliette was willing to open up to the group.

"Ok I'm excited because I get to see my moms and pop tomorrow," Auggie grinned too excited to keep his normally cool front, "Scott."

"I'm frustrated because I can't be myself and I can't be what other people want," Scott said in an obviously irritated tone, "I guess all I can do is try and be myself and if people don't like that I can't help it. Kat."

"I'm excited about graduation," Kat smiled thinking of her years at Horizon, "Though I still have a lot to do till then. Shelby."

"I'm worried about my sister Jess, I got a call that she ran away from home a few days ago," Shelby said as she stared straight in to Scott's eyes, "Ezra."

"I'm relieved because my parents won't be here this weekend," Ezra said feeling a little guilty, "I love them I just don't want to be stuck in the middle anymore. Daisy."

"I am what I am," Daisy said simply, "Trent."

"I'm confused about a lot of things…" Trent began before David interrupted again.

"Including your sexuality," David laughed earning glares from almost everyone else in the group.

"David you and I are going to take a trip to Peter's office after group," Sophie said finally fed up with David's bad attitude, "Go ahead Trent."

"I'm confused about what happened during my last manic episode," Trent started a little self conscious as he looked to Lexi who was giving him an encouraging smile, "I'm also struggling with my urge to cut and wanting to get high. I'm going to continue to write in my journal and keep opening up in group and in one on one's."

"Have you cut since you've been back?" Lexi asked nervously as she stared into Trent's hazel eyes.

"No and I don't want to but the urge is there, especially with Parent's Weekend starting tomorrow," Trent said honestly trying to look at everyone in the group and not just Lexi, who he was sure could see through him, "David."

"I'm happy because there are so many good looking ladies at this school," David smirked looking over at Lexi making her feel very uncomfortable, "Lexi."

"I'm scared because my hair is coming out in big clumps and some days I'm too tired to even smile, I'm also afraid that I'm going to get fat," Lexi said softly refusing to look up at her group, "I don't know what to do, all I've ever known is dieting and staying thin."

"Lexi," Juliette said causing Lexi to look up, her emerald eyes filling with tears, "I'm scared too but we need to keep being honest and trust that the doctors and counselors know what they're doing."

"I'm trying," Lexi, said softly trying to keep her tears back.

"Ok that's group for tonight, I want to thank you guys for your honesty. You have about thirty minutes until lights out," Sophie said dismissing the group, "You come with me," She said pointing to David.

"That guy is a jerk," Lexi said as she and Trent walked towards the door with Shelby and the rest of the Cliffhangers.

"If he doesn't watch himself I'll be more than happy to put him in his place," Shelby smiled and walked over to Scott who motioned for her to follow him towards the docks.

"Will you walk me back to my dorm?" Lexi asked Trent as the group disbursed.

"My pleasure," Trent said taking her hand and leading the way towards the dorms.

"Sweet-Potato," Lexi started as she looked up at the stars, "I'm here if and when you want to open up about your mom."

"Thanks," Trent said looking over at the rail thin girl beside him, "I'm really proud of you, for being honest."

"The only thing I know for sure is that I don't want to end up like Cora but I don't know if I want to stop this or how," Lexi said looking over at Trent who looked down at his shoes as they walked.

"I know how you feel," Trent smiled half heartedly as they stopped at the Cliffhanger girl's dorm, "Kinda torn."

"Yeah," Lexi hugged Trent around the middle feeling more comfortable with him now than she ever had before, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you," Trent whispered as he kissed her sweetly on the forehead before leaving Lexi at her door.

Trent walked into the guy's dorm and quickly grabbed his stuff to shower, glad that none of the guys had gotten back yet.

"I am such a freak," Trent, reprimanded himself, as he looked at all his scars in the mirror, while he waited for the warm water to kick on. As the water washed over him Trent thought about his mother and how much he hated himself for letting her hurt him.

"Hurry up T," Auggie shouted on the other side of the door.

"Just a minute," Trent shouted back so lost in thought that he had forgotten to rinse the shampoo out of his wavy dark auburn hair. Trent turned off the water as soon as the bubbles were out of his eyes, dried off quickly, and got dressed.

"All yours," Trent joked hoping to hide how frustrated he was.

Just as Trent finished putting his dirty clothes in his bag David plopped down on the bed next to his.

"So Ezzy," David started throwing a pair of socks at Ezra who was reading, "You excited to be my first week buddy?"

"It's Ezra and I'd rather have kitchens for the rest of my time here than be your buddy," Ezra threw the socks back at David with a sickened look on his face.

"That's what I like about Horizon," David smirked looking over at Trent, "Everyone's just so feisty, this place is just dripping with angst. Like that hot little redhead, scared up face or not I'd sure like to introduce her to some meat I'm sure she'd love."

"How about you shut your mouth," Trent snapped sitting up in bed.

"You a good friend of hers?" David continued loving how easy it was to push peoples buttons here, "I'd love to get to know her a little better."

"Don't you ever shut up?" Scott asked from his bed sure that if Trent didn't punch David in the face he would.

"Not usually," David laughed getting up from his bed, "Let me guess she's like a total bicycle and you boys just don't want to share."

"Say another word about her and I will hurt you!" Trent screamed as he got out of his bed and shoved David against the bathroom door.

"What is going on out there?" Auggie shouted as he cut off the water.

"Trent here is out of his freaking mind that's what," David laughed irritating Trent even more.

"Get off him Trent," Scott shouted trying to pull Trent off David.

Auggie rushed out of the bathroom pushing David out of his way to get to Trent who was struggling to get out of Scott's arms.

"When's the last time you took your meds?" Auggie asked calmly trying to block Trent's view of David.

"This morning," Trent said anger still radiating off of him, "Let me go Scott, I'm not having an episode."

"Yeah Scotty let him go," David egged on from across the room.

"If you don't shut your mouth I'll help him beat you down," Scott threatened keeping a firm grip on Trent who was slowly beginning to calm down.

"Everyone calm down," Auggie mediated hoping to not have to get Peter involved.

"Scott I'm fine just let me go," Trent said as calmly as he could, though he wanted to rip David's head off.

Scott finally let Trent go secretly wishing that he would kick the crap out of David.

"We should all get some sleep," Ezra chimed in hoping everyone would be in a better mood by the morning.

"Fine, I'll just have to get to know her without your help," David smirked as he got in his bed.

"Just let it go," Scott urged as he made his way back over to his bed.

Trent got into bed and tried his hardest to ignore David. After the lights went out Trent laid down and thought about Lexi until he fell asleep.

"Hey what are you doing up so early?" Lexi asked as Trent sat down at the nearly empty Cliffhanger's table.

"Couldn't sleep," Trent shrugged still irritated about the night before, "Don't worry I already took my pill this morning," He added noticing the worried look Lexi was giving him.

"Lexi I need you to eat your eggs," Sophie encouraged as she sat between Lexi and Jules.

"Sophie I already ate my toast," Lexi complained feeling more and more disgusting with each carb and calorie Sophie made her eat.

"Sophie do we have to do this during tomorrow's family meal?" Juliette asked afraid of her mother's judgment.

"Not if you do well today," Sophie smiled as the rest of the Cliffhangers entered the cafeteria, "Good, you're all here. Now the Cliffhangers are doing welcoming for day one of Parents Weekend, which officially starts after lunch."

"Oh joy," Trent mumbled before burying his face in his breakfast.

The morning passed quickly and before any of the students had time to process parents had invaded Horizon.

"So I think it's a little messed up that we have to be the welcoming committee because most of our parents aren't coming," Daisy said as Shelby and Ezra helped her set up the sign-in table.

"It's only our problem until tomorrow and then it's the Trackers' issue," Ezra joked taking his seat at the table.

"My mother died and my dad's in rehab, other peoples parents here I come," Daisy said sarcastically lightly punching Ezra on the arm.

Lexi and Trent sat in the upper part of the lodge and watched as the parents found their particular student. Trent fiddled with his thumbs nervously as he waited for her to show up and make some sort of scene. He was sure she would, after everything that had happened between them he had an awful feeling that when his particular parent showed up everything would change.

"I bet she won't even show," Lexi put her hand over his stopping his fidgeting.

"I hope she's not drunk," Trent continued to worry as more and more parents filed in.

"Stop worrying," Lexi said grabbing his face forcing him to look at her, "She can't touch you here."

"Lex," Trent started tearing his eyes away from her face. No matter how thin she got or how tired she looked he always thought she was beautiful, he thought she was amazing. Her love made everything awful in him crawl and at that very moment he hoped his mother had simply dropped off the face of the Earth.

"I'm serious," Lexi continued quietly, "Peter would never let her hurt you."

"Peter wants to see you and the Pick in his office," Auggie said awkwardly sure that he had just ruined some sort of moment.

"Thanks Auggie," Lexi smiled her sweet sad smile as she and Trent got up and headed towards the administration building.

Lexi and Trent walked in silence hand in hand not quite sure why they both had to go to Peter's office. She knew that he was scared out of his mind and wished she was strong enough to beat his mother down herself.

"It's gonna be fine," Lexi squeezed his hand one more time before they entered the administration building.

"Peter's expecting you," The receptionist smiled at the two, "Go straight back."

"Here goes nothing," Lexi joked as Trent opened the door.

"I want you two to take a seat," Peter said motioning to the couch. It didn't escape either of their attentions that there was a man in one of the chairs facing Peter's desk.

"What's going on?" Trent asked feeling more nervous and tense than he had since he got back.

"This man," Peter began as the stranger turned around exposing his face to both Trent and Lexi who shared a look equivalent to seeing a ghost.

"What the hell?!" Trent screamed more out of hurt than out of anger, "Seriously you chose now, you've had years."

"I'm sorry son," The man said standing up taking a step towards the couch where Trent and Lexi sat stunned and frustrated.

"Save it Wes," He said referring to his father by his first name, "You left when we needed you."

"I know that you and your mother needed me," Wes began running a hand through his salt and pepper hair.

"Who gives a shit about that bitch," Trent screamed worrying both Lexi and Peter who had never heard Trent talk like that before, "Lexi and I needed you. Do you have any idea what we went through?"

"Trent you need to watch the language," Peter said firmly motioning for Trent's father to sit back down.

"He left, he left us to be with some man," Trent said refusing to look at his father, "Mom told me, she said you couldn't stand us anymore, you stop calling, you gave up," Trent cried into Lexi's shoulder who was still too stunned to speak.

"I left because your mother was a drunk," Wes began before Trent interrupted him.

"You think?" He spat sarcastically trying to push back his tears, hating how weak he felt.

"Yes I'm gay and yes your moms a drunk but I tried to take you," Wes stated shattering everything Trent had been conditioned to think about himself and his father. "Is it normal for a peer to come into a personal meeting?" Mr. McMillian turned towards Peter obviously embarrassed and confused, "Maybe we could have some privacy,"

"Maybe not," Lexi spoke up finally regaining her wits.

"Lex, there's no reason to be rude," Peter started before Trent's father interrupted.

"Lexi… Lexi Newman?" He asked unable to connect the little girl he'd known to the skeletal teen he saw before him, "You look so different you both look so different, so tired."

"That happens when you get abused by your mom's new husband for years, and become a drug addict," Lexi snipped angry at the fact that he abandoned not only Trent but her as well, he had been a second father to her and then he vanished and Greg took his place.

"I'm sorry Lexi" He began before looking down at his hands not able to look at the two broken teens before him, the teens that he had let down when they were too young to understand why.

"We have Peter and Sophie now," Lexi said with both a hint of bitterness and a hint of comfort in her voice, "They try really hard but with everything that's happened… we haven't made it easy… Trent and I we haven't," Lexi trailed off not sure how to put what she was feeling into words.

"Why would you leave me alone with her?" Trent asked again after several minutes of silence his resolve breaking down. He had told himself over and over again that he wouldn't talk about how hateful and terrifying his mother had been, but with his father there he just couldn't help but want to tell him so badly.

"She's your mother," His father started wishing he knew why Trent was so angry, "She loves you."

"I wish that were true," Trent whispered his heart breaking as he thought of how often she had called him worthless and how often she struck him with more than just her words.

"Did something happen Trent?" Peter asked slowly the abuse warning bells going off in his head, "Has something happened between you and your mom?"

Trent buried his head in Lexi's shoulder again like an ostridge hiding it's head in the sand hoping the world will simply pass it by.

"Peter will keep you safe," Lexi encouraged kissing Trent lightly on his head not caring who saw.

Trent stayed buried in Lexi's arms for a short while thinking it over before he turned to Peter, refusing to acknowledge his father, "She hits me."

"She what's?" Trent's father screamed unsure of what else to do.

"Ever since you left," He briefly looked over at his father before returning his gaze to Peter, "Peter can we go?"

"Trent I'm your father," His dad began in a sad pleading tone.

"Not really," Trent said coldly too tired to argue or yell anymore, "You don't know me."

Peter took the sudden break in the conversation to bring up one of Trent's biggest worries, "You and Lexi can go for now, but I'm going to have to report this to child protective services."

"Peter!" Trent started protesting before Lexi grabbed his arm softly reassuring him, making him a silent promise.

"Trent I have to report this, but I will try my hardest to make sure she never hurts you again," Peter said in his father voice, which made Trent's body suddenly slightly less tense, "I'm going to ask your father to stay thought Parent's Weekend if that's ok? You two have a lot to sort through and maybe by the time this weekends over some healing can begin between the two of you."

"Ok Peter," Trent said quietly regretting his decision to tell.

"You have to trust me on this one Trent," Peter pleaded hoping Trent understood how much he cared.

"I trust you Peter," Trent realized those words had never been truer until that very moment.

Peter smiled softly at the two battered teens glad at the growth they both seemed to be showing. With a simple nod of the head Trent and Lexi left Peter's office both refusing to turn and look at Mr. McMillian.

"That was fun," Lexi said sarcastically once they were out in the fresh air, both feeling like they could finally breathe for the first time since they opened Peter's office door.

"Loads," Trent, said tiredly, unsure of all the emotions that were spinning around inside of him, "I thought that if I ever saw him again I'd be cool, I thought I was past it."

"Not yet," Lexi said thoughtfully, "But someday, if you want to be… someday we'll both make it."

"I have no clue," Trent whispered as he felt Lexi's small cold hand enter his.

"I am," Lexi decided not sure exactly what that meant, "You and I are going to make it."

They walked slowly letting the wind and soft rain wash away the small battle they had just been through.

"I am so proud of you," Lexi said after several moments of silence, leaning close to him hoping he knew how amazing he truly was.

Trent pulled Lexi's hand up to his lips for a soft kiss of appreciation before they began walking again, both nervous with the world yet at ease with each other.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter18

Disclaimer: I do not own Higher Ground, just Lexi, Trent, and their respective families.

A/N: Please read and respond! I love writing but lately I feel like what's the point because barely anyone seems to care enough to respond! (Sorry for being Miss Mopes A-lot, but that's how I feel sometimes.)

So this takes place the day after Parent's Weekend, so it's Monday and Jess is now at Horizon but she is with the Trackers so we won't see her too much if at all. I promise to include a tad bit more of the other characters as well… eventually. Enjoy!!

"So we all survived," Ezra joked as he and the rest of the Cliffhangers finished cleaning up after the parents.

"Well we have all of our appendages at least," Shelby joked in a good mood for the first time since her sister went missing.

"How's your sister doing?" Kat asked as they sat outside under the pavilion tired from their morning classes and cleanup duty.

"She is getting settled in with the Trackers as we speak," Shelby smiled before leaning in and kissing Scott on the cheek glad that for once in her life everything seemed to be going right.

"What about you Trenty boy?" David asked as he smirked in Trent and Lexi's general direction, "Did you get lucky this weekend?"

"Seriously you need to grow up," Juliette jumped in defending Trent and the rest of the Cliffhangers who were sick and tired of David's mouth.

"So T what went down with your pops?" Auggie asked trying to ignore David.

"He left last night after dinner but we talked and he's gone to file for custody of me," Trent said tiredly the intensity of the weekend still lingering on him, "But he promised I could stay at Horizon."

"What about your mom?" Juliette asked not exactly sure what had taken place over the weekend.

"CPS is coming out to interview me next week," Trent put his head down in shame and anger, angry with himself for telling on her and ashamed of letting her hurt him.

"It's going to work out," Lexi encouraged trying to keep her mind off of her own shame and anger.

"Maybe," Scott mumbled remembering his own interview.

"Hey guys," Sophie smiled letting the group know she was up to no good, "It's a great day so we're taking a day hike, in an hour."

"Sweet!" Lexi exclaimed more than excited at the idea of being allowed to exercise.

"Juliette and Lexi, you two will stay here and work on your homework and journal entries."

"This isn't fair Sophie," Lexi pleaded desperately.

"You and Jules are on restriction, sorry Lex," Sophie said before she left the group.

"Way to speak up Jules," Lexi said bitterly as she thought through a new plan to burn calories.

"It's not her fault you're on restrictions," Kat spoke up irritating Lexi even more, Kat was always too rational.

"Don't worry baby if you want to burn some calories just ditch your little boyfriend and meet me in the tool shed," David winked at Lexi ignoring the obvious rage coming off of Trent.

"Hey Sweet-potato lets go before you murder someone," Lexi said jokingly as she stood up making sure she was between the two teenage boys, so Trent wouldn't seriously injure David.

"Fine," Trent said grudgingly as they left the group and headed towards the dorms.

"Just breathe," Lexi whispered trying to keep her mind on him instead of the nagging feeling that had been coming and going since she finished her midnight workout the night before.

"I'm not punching his greasy head in because I love you," Trent said a half smile creeping onto his face as he thought back to the relative peace and quiet the group had before David showed up.

"And because you're not a violent guy," Lexi scolded hating how crappy her and Trent both had been feeling lately. The pair walked in silence the rest of the way to the dorm each lost in their own minds.

"I don't want to meet with CPS next week," Trent groaned when they reached the Cliffhanger girl's dorm.

"I know," Lexi started wishing bad things would stop happening to her and the people she loved, "But it probably won't be as bad as you think."

"Can I come in?" Trent asked sweetly not really wanting to talk about CPS or his mom or his moods.

"I'm really tired," Lexi said adding a small yawn to prove her point, "Plus you have to go hike here in a little while."

"Ok," Trent moped jokingly using his puppy dogface on her.

"You are too cute, but I really am tired," She said disgusting herself, wishing she didn't have to lie to him, wishing he might understand.

"You want to hangout after the hike maybe work on some music?" Trent asked figuring they could both use a distraction.

"Sounds great," Lexi smiled before leaning in and kissing Trent lightly on the lips, "Have fun."

"I'll try," Trent smiled before turning and heading back towards the pavilion.

Once inside Lexi quickly put on as many layers as she could and headed towards the bathroom. She double-checked to make sure the door was locked before turning the water on to full heat. As the room filled with steam Lexi began working out feverishly unsure of how much time she would have before Juliette or another group member turned up.

"What are you doing in there?" Juliette shouted on the other side of the bathroom door.

"I'll be out in a sec," Lexi shouted turning off the now cold water. As she scrambled around and began peeling off layers the dizziness and cramps she's been feeling off and on came back with a vengeance.

"Lex?" Juliette asked as Lexi hobbled out of the bathroom clutching her stomach with one hand and holding a pile full of clothes with the other, "What were you doing in there?"

"Where is everyone?" Lexi asked as she put her now sweaty clothes in her laundry bag.

"On a day hike, remember?" Juliette asked worried about how long Lexi had been in the bathroom, not too mention the dark circles that seemed to be permanently stuck under her eyes, "What were you doing in the bathroom for an hour?"

"None of your business," Lexi hissed as she grabbed another pair of clothes and her deodorant realizing how nasty she looked and how gross she probably smelled.

"I want to help," Juliette pleaded blocking Lexi from going back into the bathroom.

"The last time you tried to help you ratted me out," Lexi spat angry at how easily Juliette could block her and keep her from getting what she wanted, "Geez Jules your ass is as big as the bathroom door, move."

"What were you doing I there?" Juliette asked refusing to let Lexi see how bad she had hurt her.

"I was just exercising a little," Lexi admitted in frustration wishing Juliette would just disappear.

"Lex," Juliette began keeping the doorway blocked.

"Look Jules I just need to get changed ok," Lexi huffed hoping Juliette would understand how she felt how she had needed to stay in control.

"I think you need to talk to Peter," Juliette said extending a comforting hand to her friend.

"Sure and you can go with me," Lexi began moving out of Juliette's reach, "And tell Peter how you purged at the restaurant last night."

"Lex," Juliette began unsure of what to say.

"Don't be a hypocrite Jules," Lexi said as she finally pushed past Juliette into the bathroom.

Lexi grabbed a book and hurried out of the dorm as soon as she was finished freshening up. Lexi ignored the sprinkles that fell on her as she walked mindlessly from the dorm to the main lodge. As soon as she was in the lodge Lexi found a seat by the window and started reading, hoping to lose herself in her book.

"Hey Lex," Kat said taking the seat across from her.

"I thought you guys were on a day hike?" Lexi asked putting her book down.

"It was nasty out on the trail so we came back," Kat said noticing how much paler Lexi had looked lately, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Lexi lied picking her book back up as she fought off the cramps and dizziness that had been bothering her since before Cora died.

"I'm looking for Alexis Newman?" A woman's voice asked forcing Lexi to turn and face the door.

"What are you doing here?" Lexi asked furiously putting her book back down.

"It's Parent' Weekend or something," Mrs. Harper said unaffected by her daughter's obvious rage.

"Parents' weekend is over," Lexi went over to where her mother was standing both angry and confused as to why her mother would just show up.

"We need to talk," Mrs. Harper glanced around the room with a slightly nervous look on her beautifully stern face, "In private."

"If you want to talk than talk," Lexi said looking around the main lodge glad Trent wasn't there, sure nothing good would come from her mother's surprise visit.

"Alexis Opal Newman," She started in a hushed voiced, hoping to intimidate Lexi.

"Don't alright, If you want to talk than talk," Lexi said pushing up her sleeves in frustration.

Mrs. Harper took a seat in a near by chair and motioned for Lexi to do the same, "You look well. I see you've managed to avoid turning into a total cow since you've been here. It's a beautiful campus I suppose…"

"The last time I saw you, you told me that you wished you had aborted me," Lexi said interrupting her mother's small talk, "What do you want?"

"Fine Alexis," Mrs. Harper, said calmly she smoothed out her skirt with her hands as if she her being there was perfectly normal, "I'm pregnant."

"For 'it's' sake I hope you're having a boy," Lexi said coolly as she began to stand up wanting to be as far away from her mother as possible. Mrs. Harper quickly grabbed Lexi's arm and motioned for her to sit back down, "What do you really want to talk about?" Lexi asked as she sat back down sure her mother didn't drive all the way up there just to tell her that.

Mrs. Harper sat quietly for a moment choosing her words carefully, "Why did you have sex with my husband?"

"Are you kidding me?" Lexi shouted getting up from her chair, and walking towards the door.

"Answer me Alexis!" Her mother shouted from behind her. Mrs. Harper moved toward Lexi who was frozen by anger in the middle of the room, "Why?!"

"Because I wanted it!" Lexi turned around and screamed, unable to cry, "That's what you want to hear right that I seduced him, that I begged for it, that he just caved in after I chased him for so long!"

"Why would I want that?" Mrs. Harper asked angrily as se tried to ignore the stares that she was sure they were getting.

"Because that makes you both victims and me the sicko!" Lexi paused for a moment trying to catch her breath and keep her dizziness in check, "He raped me for the first time when I was nine years old mother! I lost my virginity at nine years old! He cut me and he burned me and raped me, over and over again! The last time he had sex with me he beat me after until I passed out and then he chained me in that cage and left me to die!"

Lexi waited for what felt like an eternity for her mother to answer… Mrs. Harper just stood there watching Lexi, "Where were you? Where were you while your husband stole my childhood? And why are you here now telling me you're going to have a baby when we both know that's the one thing I will always want and never have no matter how long I live?"

"Just shut up you evil slut!" Mrs. Harper screamed immediately feeling queasy, "I gave you life so just shut up and be grateful that I didn't abort you, you slut!"

"Some life you've given me," Lexi snorted sarcastically.

"Just shut up, Alexis," Her mother shouted again not exactly sure what to say.

"I kept my mouth shut for 7 years; I didn't tell anyone here how you used to feed me laxatives as a snack or how the only thing you used to tell me was how fat I was. I didn't tell anyone that the only quality time I spent with you during the day was as you took four sleeping pills with your glass of wine at night. I kept my mouth shut for years about how Greg would make me have sex with him and his friends mostly for fear of my life but also because I knew for a fact that you would hate me," Lexi couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

Kat and the other students looked on in horror unable to move or say anything, As Lexi continued to scream, "My entire life I waited quietly and patiently thinking if I was good enough or thin enough you would love me… I'm not dumb, it might have taken me awhile but I understand now that you never loved me and never will."

Mrs. Harper took a step towards Lexi unsure of what to do with the daughter she despised, "Alexis…"

"My name is Lexi," Lexi yelled using up a little more of her ever-dwindling energy.

"Why do you have to ruin everything?" She asked in frustration, "You're my daughter how could you do this to me?"

"I am not your daughter, I'm just some slut that ruined your life remember?" She screamed feeling more and more lightheaded.

"I…" Mrs. Harper began unsure what to say.

"Don't ok? Your daughter died the first time you heard him get out of your bed and you ignored it!" Lexi screamed wishing she could just disappear.

"This is not my fault you dirty whore!" Mrs. Harper screamed as she slapped her daughter across the face as hard as she could.

Lexi stood for a moment too stunned to say anything.

"Alexis…" Her mother began uncertain if she should apologize.

Before Mrs. Harper got another word out of her mouth Lexi turned and ran out the door and into the rain. Lexi ran through the main quad as fast as her tired little body would take her not caring about the rain or the people she was passing.

"Lex?!" Trent shouted as she passed him and Scott.

"Something is not right with her man," Scott said as the two boys followed her.

Between her heart pounding in her ears and the voices of her mother and Greg screaming inside her head Lexi couldn't hear the two boys shouting after her. Lexi paused for a moment to catch her breath unaware that Trent and Scott had followed her into the woods.

The two boys watched in horror as Lexi stumbled forward slightly before collapsing in the rain-drenched woods.

"Lex!" Trent screamed making his way to the spot where she was lying. Unsure of what to do …if he should pick her up or leave her on the ground. Her skin was ice cold against his as he grabbed her hand wanting her to know that he was with her.

"I'm going to get help," Scott said taking off towards the school, just as scared and confused now as when Shelby was lost during the solos.

"Open your eyes Carrot-Cake," Trent pleaded unable to focus on anything other than Lexi's limp frame as he pulled her into his arms not caring if that was the right or wrong thing to do. "Look at me Lex, Come on please open your eyes," Trent pleaded for what felt like an eternity as he waited for help to arrive.

"What happened?" Peter asked as he kneeled next to Trent and Lexi, Sophie, Rodger, and Scott stood by feeling utterly useless, "I know your scared Trent but I need to know what happened," Peter said again taking Lexi from Trent's arms and laying her back on the damp ground.

"Should we take her inside?" Sophie asked both afraid and unsure about what they should do for Lexi until the paramedics arrived.

"No, if the other students see her they might panic," Peter reasoned trying to keep it together for the sake of those around him, "I need to know what happened right now boys," He said firmly as he checked to see if Lexi was breathing.

"She was upset, she was running faster than I'd ever seen her run, she stopped and fell… Why won't she wake up?" Trent asked nervously trying to hold back his tears as Peter lifted his head from Lexi's face.

"I don't know, she's breathing but barely. The ambulance is on its way," Peter said as calmly as possible taking off his jacket to cover Lexi's tiny freezing body. "Have you guys seen her eating?"

"Barely," Sophie interjected as she mentally chastised herself for not pushing Lexi more where food was involved, "I'm gonna go look out for the EMT's."

"What about the two of you?" Peter asked sure the two teens would know more than Sophie would, they were with her at times when Sophie couldn't be.

"As much as she normally eats," Trent got up and started pacing unsure of what he saw or what he knew. The only thing he knew for sure was that if she died his heart would die with her.

"Scott?" Peter asked noticing how quiet the tall blonde was, "Scott if you know something you need to tell us now."

"I caught her hiding her food… and I know she's been using Cora's weight set to fool the scales," Scott put his head down shamefully.

"What?!?!" Trent screamed unable to control himself, "You saw and you didn't tell me?" Trent punched Scott once before Rodger pulled him into a bear grip.

"Cool it Trent hitting him isn't going to help her," Rodger whispered calmingly into Trent's ear.

"I'm sorry," Scott started balancing himself after Trent's punch. As he ran his hands through his hair he couldn't help but think that she might not live. She looked so pale like a picture of someone who died on one of the police shows he used to watch back home. "She said she would stop, she begged me not to tell, she pretended she was trying. Trent man I am so sorry."

"Don't speak," Trent tried unsuccessfully to squirm out of Rodgers grip.

"Peter they're here," Sophie said guiding the EMT's from the mouth of the woods to where the group was.

"What happened?" The head EMT asked as she checked Lexi's pulse and breathing.

"She hasn't been eating much of anything and from what they've told us she passed out after exercising," Peter began as the two EMT's lifted her onto the gurney, "She hasn't woken up."

"What's her name?" the redheaded EMT asked as they took the gurney to the ambulance and lifted her in.

"Lexi," Peter said as everything which had seemed like it was going in slow motion speed up rapidly, "Sophie gather the Cliffhangers find out what they know and then bring Trent with you in the van. Rodger you're in charge while we're gone." Peter quickly jumped in the back of the ambulance with Lexi and the EMT's.

The four who remained watched helplessly as the ambulance sped off.

After a few seconds of staring into the space where the ambulance had been Sophie snapped out of the trance like state she'd been in.

"Lets get to it," Sophie said unable to keep the image of Lexi so pale and fragile on the ground out of her mind. She led them out of the mouth of the woods just in time to find Lexi's mom getting into her car.

Sophie ran over to the car without thinking, "Get out of the car!" Sophie shouted trying to keep her anger in check as much as possible her, "I should've known you were here this explains a lot!" Sophie knew that she cared more for Lexi than Mrs. Harper ever could.

"Where is my daughter?" Mrs. Harper asked coldly ignoring the blonde counselors accusation.

"She's in the back of that ambulance," Sophie said as calmly as she could though she was sure that Lexi's mom was partly responsible for what happened to Lexi, "What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything," She said acting as if everything was normal, as if she didn't care that her daughter had just been in the back of a speeding ambulance, "I only asked her to be honest for once in her miserable life."

"Gather all the Cliffhangers in the Cliffhanger girl's lodge," Sophie turned to Rodger who stood between both boys, "Wait for me there."

"Will do," Rodger said calmly as he escorted the two upset teens towards the main lodge to gather the others. Even though he was sure Trent would never really try and hurt Scott, Rodger kept them on separate sides of him just to be safe.

"You disgust me," Sophie spat out as soon as the boys were out of hearing range, "You don't deserve Lexi."

"Where are they taking my daughter?" Mrs. Harper asked again unemotionally.

"There's only one hospital in Agnes," Sophie said turning away from the stern faced woman who only shared Lexi's petite shape. Sophie that when she showed up at the hospital Peter would tell her where she could shove her maternal instincts.

Sophie focused on each step she took wishing at that moment she could go straight to the punching bag in the equipment shed. She walked into the girl's cabin less than sure of what she was going to say.

"Sophie, what's going on?" Juliette asked her eyes wide praying that Lexi lived.

"I don't know," Sophie said honestly looking over her group which had a mixed expression of fear and confusion, "Lexi's on her way to the hospital as we speak. All I know is that she collapsed. I need to know anything you guys might know that can help the doctors figure out why."

The Cliffhangers sat in silence each feeling guilty for they saw or didn't see and said nothing about.

"Come on guys, this is the time to be honest," Sophie said focusing on Juliette who looked like she might crack at any minute, "Jules?"

"When you guys went on the hike I think Lexi was exercising in our bathroom," Juliette started unable to hold her tears back, "She was wearing a lot of layers and was really sweaty, the shower was on too."

"No Lexi was tired she said she was just going to lay down," Trent jumped in angrily.

"She lied," Shelby said coldly trying to hide how scared she really was, "She's been lying nonstop about this since she got here."

"Shelby's right," Kat said avoiding looking at Trent who seemed to be falling apart.

"What do the rest of you know?" Sophie asked again sure that the group was covering for Lexi more than they led on.

"She exercises in the middle of the night when she thinks we're all sleeping," Daisy spoke up with more emotion in her voice than usual.

"She jogs and power walks in spots where she knows the staff won't be," Ezra said remembering the day he had found her jogging near the woods.

"Jess heard someone throwing up in the girls bathroom last night, at first I thought it was Jules but it turned out to be Lexi," Shelby said in a frustrated voice.

"Scott?" Sophie looked over at the tall blonde who looked as if he were carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, "Whatever it is you can tell us."

"She passed out a couple months ago," Scott said quietly knowing he shouldn't have listened to Lexi, "Down by the docks she just collapsed for a minute, but she swore she was fine she begged me not to tell."

"And you listened?" Trent asked coldly too angry to show any more emotion.

"I'm sorry…" Scott began looking at over at Trent who was shaking with rage.

"The Pick is way sick Meat, why would you listen?" Auggie asked obviously confused.

"I'm so…" Scott began before Trent interrupted him.

"Say you're sorry one more time and I will…." Trent ignored Auggie his anger for the situation focused on Scott.

"Finish that sentence and you'll be on shuns for a month," Sophie's head was spinning with information and she was more than a little disappointed with not only herself but the Cliffhangers as well, "This is why we don't keep secrets! Things like this happen, we've all done wrong in this situation."

"Can we go now?" Trent asked through clenched teeth refusing to look over at Scott.

"We'll talk group punishment when we get back from the hospital," Sophie said less than thrilled with the idea of seeing Lexi hooked up to any sort of machine.

"She'll be ok right Sophie?" Juliette asked through her tears.

"She'll be fine," David smiled being sincere and nice for the first time since he showed up.

"I hope so, come on Trent," Sophie said not sure what would happen.

A/N: I'm going to end this chapter here and pick up with Lexi in the hospital a few days later. Please Read and Respond!

---Sadclown18


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Higher Ground only Lexi and Trent and their families.

A/N: Only a few more chapters left of this story. I hope you guys have enjoyed so far and I hope everyone continues to read and respond. On with the show!

P.S. I decided to make it a week later instead of a few days.

"The Morp is in a few days, so everyone's been getting ready for that," Trent laughed before taking a bite of his food. He looked up at Lexi wondering why she had barely said two words since he came in, "Lex?"

Lexi sat Indian style on her bed, barely aware of the wheezing and beeping the machines around her were making.

"Earth to Carrot-cake," Trent joked waving a hand in front of her face hoping to snap her out of the daze she had fallen into.

"What's shakin?" Lexi asked playfully though her throat was still slightly sore and her mind was somewhat cloudy.

"It's dinner time," Trent said unrolling her silverware for her.

"I'm not really hungry," She said pulling her fragile hair back into a ponytail.

"If you don't eat than I have to leave, Peter's orders," Trent frowned as he placed her silverware on the tray he had brought in five minutes earlier.

"Where is the warden?" Lexi joked letting an angry chuckle escape through her lips.

"He wanted to talk to the Doctor," Trent said softly hating how irritable Lexi had been lately, "Come on you need to eat."

"I will just give me a few more minutes, I feel like I never get to see you," Lexi pouted her mood changing again.

"Lex I've been here for at least an hour everyday for the past week," Trent huffed remembering how she had tried to get out of dinner the night before, "Please?"

Lexi looked over at Trent and forced herself to see past her own exhaustion, "What's wrong Sweet-potato?" Lexi asked noticing the large circles underneath Trent's sad hazel eyes, "You look so tired."

"I'm fine," He said without thinking, his mind replaying the day she had collapsed over and over again, "It's you I'm worried about."

"Not you too," Lexi said clearly frustrated, "Everyone needs to just calm down I feel great!"

"Stop it," Trent said coolly refusing to look over at the skeletal girl. Lexi stared at her hands wishing she had enough courage to just give him and Peter what they wanted.

After what felt like an eternity Trent finally broke the silence that had fallen between them.

"Why didn't I see it?" He asked, his voice full of pain.

Lexi sat for a moment still looking at her hands wishing that she could crawl out of her skin, "Because I didn't want you to."

"I should have seen," He said looking over at her unable to keep his tears in check.

"I wouldn't let you," She said honestly looking over at him, wishing she could somehow stop not only her pain but his as well.

"Lex I'm scared," Trent, whispered glad that Peter wasn't there to seem him crying, "What if you die?"

"I'm not gonna die," Lexi said with shaky confidence, "I've gained five pounds," She smiled weakly as her stomach churned at the thought of her weight gain.

"They've had to tube feed you twice and give you that food in an IV thing more than a few times," Trent said as calmly as he could, "Why aren't you gaining?"

Lexi looked down again giving away her shame and guilt.

Trent waited until he was sure she wasn't going to answer, "I need you to eat."

"I'm not hungry," Lexi said firmly pushing the tray table away.

"Stop lying Lex!" Trent shouted unable to keep his frustration in any longer, "I've heard them all and I'm tired, all they've done is gotten us here, with you in the hospital and me holding on to my sanity and sobriety for dear life!"

"I can't just eat," Lexi said trying not to cry as she realized how much she was hurting not only herself but Trent as well, "It's not that simple."

"It's a start, the doctors said that if you start eating than you can come home," Trent said in a softer tone taking her hand in his, instantly noticing how cold it was.

"Doctors lie," Lexi said with bitterness clear in her voice.

"Why would they do that?" Trent asked confusion clear on his face.

"Because they don't want me to stay in control," Lexi said matter of factly, still refusing to look over at Trent who was now trying desperately to keep his emotions in check.

"Who told you that?" He asked in as calm a voice as he could muster sure that he already knew the answer. He sat and waited for a moment rubbing small circles on the back of her tiny freezing hand before asking again, "Who told you that?"

"Cora," Lexi whispered braving jut a small glance at a now fuming Trent.

"Cora is dead Lex!" Trent yelled louder than he meant to causing Lexi to slightly shrink back from him.

"I know," She said her voice filled with tears as she listened to Trent try and steady his breathing.

"This killed her Lexi," Trent lowered his voice, before adding more firmly, "I don't want this to kill you."

"I know," She said in a tired voice unsure of what else to say.

"This killed her Lex," He said again each word filled with pain.

"You think I don't know that?!" Lexi shouted causing the monitors to go a little haywire as her heartbeat picked up, "Do you think I'm fucking stupid?"

"No but I think what you're doing to yourself is," Trent said wondering if he wasn't the only one with a mood disorder.

"Of course you do," She accused trying to fight away the tiredness and disgust she had been trying to hide from him since day one, "You think you know."

"Look at yourself Lex and then tell me you're not killing yourself," He said finally pulling his hand out of hers, angry with not only himself but Cora and Lexi as well.

"What am I supposed to say Trent? What do you want from me?" She asked looking over at him, her eyes filled with sadness and her words filled with anger.

"I want you to eat," Trent said trying not to blow up on her again. He took a deep breath before looking down at his hands and then back at the deathly thin girl next to him, "Why won't you eat?"

"Because I'm disgusting," Lexi said barely above a whisper, "I'm so nasty, I'm this awful, fat, piece of shit who…" She paused trying to wipe the tears that began falling from her large emerald eyes.

"Who what?" Trent asked hoping they might get passed the lies, "Come on Lex don't shut me out."

They both sat for a minute before Trent spoke again his eyes finding hers. The look in them was a mixture of fear and regret and he had only seen it in her when she thought he might hate her, "I won't leave, whatever it is, I promise."

"I have to stay in control… I have to," She pleaded not wanting him to see her shame.

"Why?" He asked gently not wanting to push her farther than she could handle at the moment, "Why do you have to?"

"Because it's the only time," Lexi paused and painfully swallowed the air not sure if she could tell him what she desperately been trying to say for years through food.

"It's the only time I feel clean," She said wiping away the newly formed tears she hadn't even been aware had started falling.

"Is this about him?" He asked emphasizing the him part of the question.

Lexi looked away and nodded afraid if she spoke he wouldn't be able to hear her through her tears.

Trent sat for a moment before coming around to Lexi's free side and getting on the bed with her and pulling her into a hug.

"Don't," She cried as soon as his arms wrapped around her, "I'm so dirty."

"No," Trent started pulling her tighter as she cried.

"I am, the things I've done… The things he made me do," She cried harder thinking back on her life, "I just want to disappear, I want him to go, I don't want him to be able to find me."

"He's in jail Carrot-cake," Trent soothed rubbing her arm as he held her close, "He can't touch you anymore… Greg can't hurt you."

"But he does," She said through her sobs, "I can feel him all the time, on me, inside me, telling me I'm fat and stupid."

"Lex he will never hurt you again," Trent promised remembering all the times his mom had hurt him and how CPS had promised they were going to help him.

"All I wanted to do was make them happy, but she couldn't love me," Lexi choked out burying herself deeper in Trent's vice like grip.

"She does," He said knowing that Lexi had to be talking about her bitch of a mother, "Just not very well."

Lexi made a sound that Trent could only describe as a half sob half laugh.

"If I don't eat and if I focus on just school or just food than it's almost like I can't feel him, like I'm not so dirty," Lexi said softly through her tears feeling more and more tired.

"You are not dirty! I hate that he made you feel that way," Trent paused for a moment before starting again, "Lexi I need you to trust Peter and the doctors," He said leaning backwards and pulling Lexi until the were both lying down, "You are so beautiful… I just need you to eat."

"I'm scared, Trent," She whispered, "I… I don't want to die, but…"

"But what?" Trent asked as he pushed a piece of her carrot hair out of her face.

"But I don't think I can stop," She cried as she fiddled with his fingers.

"You have to let Peter help," Trent said pulling on her chin so that she had to look at him.

"What if I'm too broken?" She asked feeling both tired and ashamed.

"You're not," Trent smiled a sad smiled as he traced the scar on her cheek, hoping somehow he could help her to see how beautiful she truly was, "I love you Lex."

"I wish I could love me as much as I love you," She said honestly wondering where she'd be at that very moment if she hadn't had Trent and Horizon to keep her going.

"It takes time," Peter said from the door causing Trent and Lexi to jump.

"How much did you here?" Lexi asked too tired to be horribly embarrassed.

"A lot," Peter smiled as the two sat up Trent's arms still wrapped tightly around Lexi's thin shaking frame.

Peter took a seat by the bed and just watched as Lexi got up the nerve to say something.

"I," She started before the tears started again making her head hurt even more, "I don't know what to do."

"I know Lex," Peter said looking over at how broken both of them looked.

Lexi looked down for a moment before squeezing Trent's hand, "I think I might need help," She spat out as quickly as possible afraid that if she thought about it for too long she might not have the courage to say it.

"I can't fix this Lex," Peter said in his fatherly voice as he reached for one of her hands, "But I can help. I talked to your Doctor and he's recommended a treatment facility especially for eating disorders."

"Please don't send me away," Lexi panicked at the thought of having to be away from her home, "I'm sorry Peter… I'll be better."

"Lex this isn't a punishment, this is the only way we can get you help," Peter said making sure Lexi was looking him in the eyes.

"How long?" Lexi asked still terrified he might be trying to get rid of her.

"It depends on how hard you work at getting better," Peter smiled hoping to reassure both of the obviously nervous teens in front of him, "And as soon as you get out you'll come straight back to Horizon."

"Carrot-cake, I need you to get better," Trent said quickly wiping the newly forming tears away from his eyes, "I know it's selfish but I need that and if this place can help than I think you should go."

Lexi sat for a long while just thinking weighing everything that happened before Horizon against everything that had led up to her being in the hospital.

"You think it's best?" She asked softly trying to figure out when she had stopped.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't think it could help," Peter said reassuringly.

"When do I leave?" Lexi asked in a tired voice sure that this had to be better than dying.

Trent couldn't help but grin as he kissed Lexi on the forehead not caring that Peter was there, "You'll go?"

Lexi simply nodded before getting the courage to look up at Trent, "I don't want to let him win."

"I'm really proud of you Lex," Peter smiled largely.

"When do I leave?" Lexi asked again.

"I'll go ask the Doctor," Peter said hurrying out of the room before Lexi could change her mind.

"I'm so proud of you," Trent smiled before placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I just don't want to be Cora, I don't want to die," She said honestly before yawning, "Can we lay back down?"

Trent nodded as he helped Lexi lay back down on the bed.

"I love you," Trent whispered as Lexi's fought to keep her eyes open.

"I love you too," Lexi yawned before letting sleep take her.

Trent watched as Lexi slept comforted by the beeping and wheezing of the machines that promised that the love of his life was still alive.

Peter returned after awhile to find both teens asleep on the small bed and couldn't help but admire the strength and hope that each clung to, that despise the pain both were in they had left room in their broken hearts for love.


End file.
